The Weight of Staying

Sometimes, my future seems so uncertain. No one seems to love me and there's nothing left for me. That's what I feel when I'm alone. But I know that I have my family and that's something. You know, when people say "you have your family", it doesn't mean anything to me. You understand that feeling, right? When family means nothing, life means nothing.

People who can keep their heads calm in any situation are the truly strong ones, and that's not me. My mother still doesn't understand me. You know? This toxic behaviour is something. I try to take care of myself by staying away from harmful things, but that's not enough. I know that for my own mental peace, I need to stay away from certain people, certain places, certain things. How can I ignore the things happening outside my home? How can I ignore the problems of the world?

My life is just a pile of garbage. There's no peace or love in it. Sometimes I feel like God has abandoned me. Sometimes I think it's necessary for my own mental health to leave my job and find peace within myself. Sometimes, I think that the only way to find peace is to leave everything behind and start anew.

People don't realize that sometimes you have to leave your family to find peace. That's my life. I have nothing to gain but everything to lose. The past is not in the past. It always haunts.