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201. One ought not to marry someone who has nothing left of their own world but you—except perhaps someone who has fallen behind. Everyone must have their own world. When you immerse yourself in that world, you stop noticing countless unnecessary things; you don’t pointlessly invite petty troubles into your life. Most of the troubles people fall into, they create themselves. If you stay occupied, there’s simply no time to manufacture conflict over trifles. If your partner’s entire universe revolves around you alone, you will eventually find yourself in grave danger. This is why everyone needs their own sphere of engagement. In marriages where husband and wife meddle less in each other’s domains, there is far greater mutual respect.
202. It is not that calling piglets “tender boars” instead of “piglets” somehow elevates their status or reforms their nature. Rather, it only makes it take some simple folk a little longer to recognize them for what they are. Whatever one deserves, one should be dealt with accordingly. “Hate” and “loathe”—these two expressions are not the same. Though their meaning may be identical, the intensity of expression speaks volumes about the situation. You will constantly encounter people of whom, when speaking, the word “loathe” springs unbidden from your lips instead of “hate.” The moment you utter “loathe,” a little saliva gathers in your mouth without your knowing it—which does not happen when you say “hate.”
203. Whether or not you can appreciate someone’s labor, never disparage it. Better to hold your tongue instead. How many days are left to live anyway? Why wear another’s contempt, irritation, and sighs like a second skin? Let me teach you a simple wisdom: do not attempt to judge what you do not understand. You are not obliged to have an opinion about everything in this world. Accept it, even if it goes against the grain—you have other work to do.
204. If loving me comes with conditions—expecting reciprocal affection or time in return—then I have no need of your love. This is not love; it is arithmetic. Suppose someone loves you. Well, whoever loves or likes you does so from their own pleasure, do they not? What obligation falls on you? Why should expectation of you arise in them at all?
205. There is no need to struggle to forget the past; rather, one should attend more rigorously to one’s present work. The present stands upon the foundation of the past. How can you forget it? The lessons the past teaches can help you reduce many of the mistakes of the present.
206. If someone asks you about another person, do not offer a single comment about that person unless you know for certain. This way, the one who asks you will not be confused by false information, and the one you speak of will not be needlessly embarrassed. More importantly, those who speak based on conjecture or hearsay without clear knowledge of a matter are among the vilest of people. By staying silent or simply saying “I don’t know,” you can easily keep yourself from joining that wretched crowd.
207. We recognize our faults only when we hold ourselves accountable for every action we take. Those who lack transparency even with themselves cannot progress far.
208.
# Do Not Insist on Being Good
Do not keep me in your life as an unwilling benefactor if you gain nothing from knowing me, or if no good grows within you because of it. Know this: being hateful or unnecessary to someone is also an invisible qualification. By virtue of that qualification, a person can decide whether to stay or to go.
**209.** You need not always be defiant to secure what you need. You must first consider whether what you need is rightfully yours. If it is not your due, then you have no business expecting it—on what grounds would you protest? But if it truly is your due, then it is better to be strategic from the start rather than confrontational.
**210.** A person remains foolish only as long as they do not understand the necessity of their needs. Once they grasp it, they begin to do whatever is required to fulfill those needs. And those who understand but still do nothing—you must conclude that they have no objection to all the trouble that will arise if those needs go unmet.
**211.** Never force your way into mastery over others’ lives. When you thrust yourself upon someone with unsolicited advice or counsel, no matter how much you may believe in yourself, no matter how certain you are of your wisdom and your way of thinking—the truth is, most people do not think of you as anything more than a fool. Especially foolish is to go uninvited to someone who would never have sought your counsel, and there impose your advice upon them.
**212.** Being good, living as a good person, remaining good—these are essential, but entirely for yourself. To try to prove your goodness to others is pure folly. Whether you are good or evil, noble or base, honest or deceitful means nothing to anyone, unless their interests are somehow entangled with yours.
**213.** The first thing in life that, once lost through neglect, can never be recovered—not even time enough to make amends—is our parents. For nothing else in the world should we ever neglect these two people or treat them with injustice. Even after we become husband or wife, we must remain, first and foremost, our parents’ child.
**214.** Sometimes in this world, the cheapest thing we possess becomes our parents. I have seen sons who do not feed their mother, yet call her a thief for eating a handful of puffed rice from a tin one day. Looking at such people, I think: God must surely be on vacation!
**215.** We rarely become better parents than our own parents were. When we look at ourselves, this truth becomes perfectly clear. Why can we not? Because the complexities in our lives are tenfold what they were in theirs. Since we ourselves have made life complicated, it is only natural that we must sacrifice much. This cannot be otherwise.
**216.** What seems true from where you stand may not be true for many others. What will cause no trouble in your life might ruin someone else’s entirely. So let people live their lives as they see fit. Do not go there imposing your mastery. If you do, that person will grow weary of you and think you a meddlesome fool.
Always remember: beyond the world of your thoughts lie countless other worlds, into which you have never ventured, worlds whose rules and ways you will never know. Since you have not lived there, do not presume to comment upon them. Besides, who are you to decide what another person should think or not think? If they err, you will not bear the consequences of their error. So where, then, lies your complaint?
217. You need not rage to avoid trouble; sometimes it is wise to feign anger even when you feel none. Most people lack the wisdom and good sense to govern themselves. To silence them or keep them in check, you must put on a false show of displeasure. Without it, foolish people will come crawling into your life and make it unbearable. Even the well-intentioned fool is tiresome. Unknowingly, they thrust others into calamity.
218. Just as learning to swim is necessary if you wish to float upon a river, so too must you understand reality before you can fully savour life. Most people cling to some illusion or other, and in their pursuit of pleasure, they lose everything they possess.
219. What marks the elite is this: they possess an infinite cunning and courage to drag others down, relentlessly, several rungs beneath them. Every member of the elite is a den of demons! Their smiles, their outward bearing, their honeyed words—all are merely pieces of their scheming. If you can, stay far from them; at the very least, your peace of mind will remain unviolated.
220. With a quick-tempered person, you cannot build a home, whatever else may come to pass. How exhausting it is to live with someone whose mood sours at every word! They themselves do not know what scene they will create next. For them, stubbornness and willfulness matter more than love. Often they show signs of the psychopath—unable to forgive easily, they will drone on about the same old grievance year after year, endlessly. How can one build a life with someone who cannot forget a companion’s faults, who cannot forgive? It is simply not possible.
221. Mental conflict creates mental unrest, and love alone cannot heal it. Peace is far, far more necessary than love. One can live without love, but when peace is destroyed, no amount of love matters—there is no will left to live! People contemplate or commit suicide not from the absence of love, but from the absence of peace.
222. A wife should be virtuous and wise rather than beautiful. Men take at least two years of marriage to grasp this truth! How long can beauty sustain the eye? Both the peace and prosperity of a home are destroyed when either husband or wife lacks virtue and understanding.
223. There is no such thing as equal rights between men and women. Neither has ever granted the other true freedom, so the question of granting rights does not arise at all. What men have done is this: they have forcibly imposed certain things upon women, and women have blindly accepted them as their sacred duty. Meanwhile, in trying to live as women wish, men have been forced to play a role, age after age. A woman who accepts her husband’s frankness and guilelessness—you would be fortunate to find even one among thousands. Women themselves compel men to become hypocrites. The moment a man speaks truth at home, mental disturbance begins. Thus both man and woman are equally to blame.
224.
# 225
Help others, but be vigilant—don’t let them mistake you for tissue paper. The moment you sense they’ve begun to believe you are obligated to serve them, that they may use you however they wish whenever they please, withdraw your hand of assistance at once. Those who cannot fathom the worth of your presence must be made to understand the inconvenience of your absence.
# 226
What matters least is how terrible things have befallen us. We must grow stronger and preserve our goodness. To be a good person requires no excuse whatsoever, though countless excuses exist for being otherwise. When something terrible happens to you, what you can do is share what that tragedy has taught you, so that others might be cautious before misfortune strikes them too.
# 227
People remain as they are. No one transforms even slightly for another’s sake—at best, they perform for the sake of civility or weave convenient lies. We must recognize people through our own discernment and judgment. If we fail to understand someone, the fault lies with us. If we cannot accept a person as they truly are, we must forsake their company. Should circumstance prevent this, then suffering becomes the only recourse.
# 228
Landlords too must understand how to command respect from their tenants. The first party owns property; the second party enjoys a small portion of it in exchange for stipulated rent. Therefore, if the first party lacks clarity regarding their own commitment and self-respect, they cannot reasonably expect proper respect from the second party—this is simply natural. Conversely, if the second party fails to vigilantly maintain their own dignity, their standing will naturally become precarious in the eyes of the first party. Mutual respect is born from the conduct of both.
# 229
People are not creatures of mere convenience. We must remember: without clear reason or logic, people will always wish to destroy me. It is my own duty to live with dignity intact. And if I must cast some people from my life to do so, then so be it. Living itself is more essential than the company of people.
# 230
One who stands upon another’s feet does not truly stand at all. One who depends entirely upon another for support—both hands and feet are bound; such a person is crippled. The person who eats another’s bread, who wears another’s cloth, differs not at all from a slave. They possess no freedom, no dignity.
# 231
Physical suffering weighs heavier than suffering of the mind. Far more perish from bodily ailment than from mental anguish. Thus there is no greater fortune than physical well-being.
# 232
At times, emotion alone prevents a person from finding happiness. The more emotion-driven one is, the greater one’s sorrow. An emotional person knows joy only when others conform to their emotional nature. Is this even remotely possible? To whom but themselves are their own emotions precious? With exceptional fortune, they may encounter one or two souls who cherish their feelings. But place your emotions upon those unworthy of them, and suffering becomes inevitable.
When people lose the feelings of joy or sorrow within themselves—when they begin to live in complete emotional numbness—everything in this world becomes happiness for them. Living without emotion is far better than suffering from sorrow. Most happy people have few emotions. The more emotions one has, the more suffering one endures.
233. Profound wounds teach a person what life truly is. The wounded person then gains a kind of mastery over their own life that rarely comes to others. If you wish to live life on your own terms, such wounds are necessary. A wound that does not destroy you renders you nearly invincible. So whenever the opportunity to be wounded comes in life, you must learn from it with a calm and patient heart.
234. To one who considers you worthless, everything you possess is unsafe. If circumstances or necessity force you to live alongside such a person, you must always remain vigilant. Whatever precious things you have, you must guard them carefully from that person. It is best if you can swiftly make arrangements to distance yourself from them.
235. There is no use in searching for someone to lift you up when you have fallen. People take pleasure in seeing others fall. And when they see you lying there, they come running with stones to hurl at you. That is why, before falling, you must accumulate enough strength within yourself to rise again on your own. If you do not, you will remain on that road, and if fortune is cruel and your resilience weak, you may even be beaten to death by the stones people throw.
236. Love is the capacity to bear everything about the person you love. One who has never loved cannot truly understand this feeling. But if, after enduring so much, you cannot give that beloved person peace, they are lost from life. People lose their beloved not as much through the failure of love itself as through the failure to let them rest. Remember this: that you are tolerating someone does not mean you have earned the right to destroy their peace.
237. The person without conscience is always a fraud. No matter how dire your circumstances become, never maintain any relationship with someone who lacks conscience. No matter how brilliant such a person is, no matter how wealthy, no matter what else they may be, they will not hesitate a second to harm you if ever they find it necessary.
238. Only when the praise or blame of anyone near or far stops mattering to us can we do the necessary work. And when we learn to be equally indifferent to censure, we acquire the very power to conquer the world. In truth, doing your work rightly is infinitely more urgent than caring for anyone’s praise or blame.
239. In darkness, no form is visible to the eye—only the flaws of the mind become apparent. Whoever has many flaws of heart finds neither comfort nor safety even in darkness.
240. The more responsible one is, the more responsibility falls upon their shoulders. The reward for work is simply more work. If a mistake occurs while bearing this additional burden, blame may come even if one erred, but rarely does reward come when one does not.
241.
If you dislike a particular food, yet your hands remain wide open when it comes to giving that very food to others, then you are neither noble nor generous—you are merely a small person! When people allow dogs and cats to eat the scraps of their meals, it is not a testament to animal love, but merely the economy of animal fodder.
242. Never entangle yourself in argument with a person about a subject of which they know nothing. This preserves the health of your relationship with them. Most people are so ignorant that far from abstaining from speaking about what they do not know, they readily plunge into full-fledged argument! It is best not to lower your own standing by arguing with such fools.
243. The moment you glimpse an utterly sordid mentality within a person, all the reverence you have harbored for them dissolves in an instant—even your trust crumbles! A person with a base mentality never performs good deeds in secret; they always do them ostentatiously, for show.
244. The degree of respect a person holds for a relationship is what fundamentally sustains it. A relationship survives not on love alone, but on mutual regard. Where honor and respect do not exist, even intense love cannot hold a relationship together.
245. For many people, the ability to weep is profoundly precious, for no matter how desperately they wish it, tears will not come to their eyes—only their insides burn. If such people could cry, it would be as though their very lives were saved! If you have a friend or a loved one like this, cultivate in them enough trust that they can weep in your presence. This is a deed of great merit.
246. When love finds no worthy vessel, all the tenderness in one’s heart falls uselessly to the ground. The great tragedy of the world is this: those who do not know how to love have no shortage of people who would love them. Yet those who know how to love find no worthy person to love.
247. That person alone is successful whose integrity allows others to place trust in them without hesitation. One in whom no one can place trust—their human existence is rendered void! The capacity to create within yourself spaces worthy of others’ trust is itself a great accomplishment.
248. Never show respect to the narrow-minded, for they mistake it as their due and grow arrogant. Arrogance brings ruin in two circumstances: when a person takes pride in something they have not earned, and when a person takes pride beyond the measure of their own merit.
249. It is time for women to abandon the mentality of seasoning another’s head with salt and spice and savoring it all their lives. The longer women delay understanding this, the more they shall suffer humiliation and abuse. A woman who does not earn her own keep sees both her self-respect and her social and familial standing descend to great depths.
250. Men show no real regard to those women who do not know how to demand proper respect from them. Whether man or woman, whoever lacks rational proportion about their own standing—in place of false pride about their position—deserves only disrespect and ignominy.