For a long time, I suffered from low self-esteem. For many years, I had no self-confidence. I didn't believe in myself. I was not enough for any person who came into my life. I always missed something, there was always something I had to change. Something was wrong with me. They came, took and left. They didn't like my eyes, my hair, my freckles. They didn't like my job, my dreams, my words. My friends, my thirst for travel, my quiet moments, my silence. All this made me distracted---cold and cold.


I stopped hugging myself. I stopped stretching my arms. No one stayed for sure, no one left for sure. With each passing one, I felt more and more confused. They wanted to be here, but not right now. They wanted to leave, but not today. It wasn't the right moment, they weren't ready, the time was bad. The connections so far have been exhausting, they had other priorities. They compared me to their wives, the exes or the ones they dreamed of. I was trying to become their ideal. To give them everything they wanted. It was never me.


I closed myself more and more to the world and became impenetrable. I felt nothing, nobody's. Pathetic. Small. To a point where I began to discover what really got to appreciate it. To respect. They taught me to gather myself. They taught me to take care of myself. To rely on myself. Each subsequent meeting brought me closer and closer to me. I do not regret.


At the moment I feel light. There is no trace of my past left, because I was able to take everything I had in time. I have always said that I study my lessons diligently. I will always do it. I fight my battles alone, and I am a strong girl. Over time, I have learned that being strong does not mean being tough and cold, but acknowledging that you are weak and human. Don't hold back your tears. It's OK to cry. With sadness and gratitude---that I'm right here and I'm just that, because of all that.


I love life---it always takes away everything you need to give away to make you much more and much better. For going beyond your wildest imagination.


Courage is my word. That's all I want---in myself and in the surrounding people. That's enough for me.