# In the Lonely Depths: 39 The question returns again and again, like the rhythm of breathing: what is this thing we call the soul? Is it substance or shadow? Is it something we possess, or something that possesses us? The ancients spoke of it as if they knew—as though the soul were a fixed entity, a permanent tenant within the cage of flesh. But watch a child learning language, and you see how the soul is born anew with each word. Watch a lover's face in the dark, and you see how the soul emerges and recedes like tide. There is nothing fixed here. There is only becoming. We are mistaken when we imagine the soul as a thing separate from the body, a guest housed in meat and bone. The soul *is* the body's knowing of itself. It is consciousness taking the shape of a particular life. It is the universe looking back at itself through the lens of an individual eye. And yet—and yet there is something that cannot be entirely explained by matter alone. Some accounts go unpaid in the ledger of flesh. A mother's devotion that exceeds all reason. The beauty that strikes us dumb and makes us weep. These are not illusions, though they cannot be weighed or measured. Perhaps the soul is the space where the infinite touches the finite. The meeting place of all that is eternal and all that is temporary. We are both, always. We are the wave that believes itself separate from the ocean, yet never truly is. To know this is not to solve the mystery. It is to learn how to live within it.

191.

The inquiry into what 'I' am, and the return of that understanding to the source—this is the first step on the path to the Supreme. My guru taught me what 'I' is, and instructed me to meditate solely on that sense of 'I'. I took that teaching and dwelled only in it, gradually becoming established in it. But my true, my natural state? It is this: where no 'I' exists at all.

The guru tells us how he realized his true nature—and it is on the basis of that experience that he teaches us. His message is unmistakably clear: understand the sense of 'I', become established in it, then transcend it. This sense of 'I am'—a nameless, formless, silent presence—when you immerse yourself deeply within it, eventually even that dissolves.


Then you enter your primordial state—what existed before even the sense of 'I', where there is no self-identity, only the Supreme Presence.

In Advaita Vedanta, the sense of 'I' is called the first emergence—the gateway to consciousness, the beginning of world-perception. But it is not the final goal—rather, it is an intermediate bridge through which you must pass into the inner sanctum—that true nature where no 'I' exists. He who has traversed this path says: in the first step, realize the sense of 'I', become established in it—then one day it will dissolve of its own accord. In that dissolution is born the experience of primordial being—where there is no thought, no entity, no meditation, no sensation—only pure Brahman, eternal silence beyond all discourse.

The guru's teaching: first understand the sense 'I am'. Then meditate only on that sense—without name or form. Within this stillness, even that eventually dissolves. Then you will arrive at your true station, which precedes the sense of 'I'—where there is no self-identity, only the Supreme Existence.

192.

'I' emerges, and the world is created—yet you have always been. When this sense of 'I am' arose, simultaneously there came into being this vast, illusory cosmos. Before that—there was no sense of 'I' within you, and yet you were. You were—but did not know that you were, because this message called 'I' had not yet come.

This 'I'—merely two syllables, yet see what an enormous world of illusion it has constructed! This cosmos, this body, these relationships, time, history—everything begins with the emergence of this 'I'. And more astonishing still—you accept this 'I' as real in every moment, never once wondering whether this 'I' and this world have truly ever been born at all! But the actual truth is this: you—the Supreme, the eternal, the formless existence—whether this 'I' be or not, you have always been.

The coming of 'I' merely revealed—"you are"—but you existed before this 'I', and you are its very ground. The fundamental teaching of Advaita Vedanta is this: the sense of 'I' itself is an illusion, a self-proclamatory delusion, through which consciousness knows itself, yet becomes confused—"I am this person, I am this body, I am this life".

With the coming of 'I' is born the world, time, identity—and there is constructed a perception-based reality that is never, in fact, true. Yet this illusion is so powerful that man spends his entire life taking it for truth. And yet the hidden truth is—you have always been, even when this 'I' was not, when there was no consciousness, no experience. So the emergence of 'I' merely announced—"you are"—but this awareness is not your reality.

You are that eternal nature—in whose ground this 'I' comes and goes. You are Brahman—witness-form, yet never revealed. It is the sense 'I am' that has created the cosmos and all its manifestations. Before that you were, but you knew not—because there was no 'I'. This 'I' has constructed identity, time, body, world. But all of this is truly illusion—nothing has ever truly been born.

# Truth

Truth is this—you have always existed, you are not the ‘I’, you are the supreme beyond even that consciousness itself, which is wordless, stateless, imperishable.

193.

Forget the delusion of the ‘I’ and return to your eternal, infinite station—the eternal infinite state forever abides—and within this very state, the sense of ‘I’ arises temporarily. This ‘I’-sense persists for a time, then one day dissolves—but the state into which you came, that imperishable infinite nature—remains always the same, as it was, as it shall be.

When this ‘I’ first arrives, it comes wordless, formless, without identity—a pellucid presence. But then comes conditioning, the stream of impressions—and you begin to think: “I am this body,” “I am this mind,” “I am this identity.” Thus you slip from your true station, forget yourself, lose yourself in the world. This is why the guru says—never forget your true location.

Your station is that imperishable supreme upon which this false ‘I’ appears. Now you must travel this path in reverse—return to that wordless layer of the ‘I’-sense, where it still has no identity, no illusion. Dwell there, sink deeply into it. Then you will understand—this ‘I’ too is a delusion, merely a temporary presence.

When this realization dawns, you recover your true place—which you never lost, only forgot—that fundamental state of imperishable, infinite, non-dual consciousness. In Advaita Vedanta, the ‘I’-sense is the first self-proclamation through which consciousness begins to know itself. But this sense itself is not the true self, rather a temporary expression arising upon the self.

This very sense generates the experience of body, mind, identity, world—and thus begins the play of illusion. The seeker’s true work is to return to the wordless stage of this ‘I’, and realize its temporary nature. Then you recover your true station—which never changes, never is born, never dies.

This station is Parabrahman, the fundamental formless presence behind consciousness—which watches all things happen, yet is itself part of nothing. The ‘I’-sense is temporary; before it you existed, after it you shall exist. This very sense creates the delusion of body-mind and the bondage of identity. If you hold this ‘I’ as truth, you lose your true station.

You must return to that wordless ‘I’, dwell in it, and understand its illusory nature. Then you will be established again in your true eternal form—which is unchanging, infinite, forever one and non-dual.

194.

Seize the ‘I’, and body-mind shall fall away. Grasp this sense—’I am’—and all barriers shall dissolve of themselves. Then you shall pass beyond the confines of body and mind, entering into a transcendent, non-dual consciousness. What the guru speaks comes from his own lived experience—he has sought in many ways, in many forms, to make you understand the deep significance of this ‘I’-sense. Whenever any seeker comes to him, the guru’s first task is to make clear: “Who are you? That sense within you that says—’I am’—understand that.”

Upon this very understanding rests the foundation and progress of your entire practice. If you cannot grasp the significance of this ‘I’-sense, you will never hold it with true weight, and so will never attempt to sink into it. Remember—this ‘I’ is undifferentiated, nameless, formless—it is not the experience of any person, but rather the first formless expression of self-consciousness itself.

When you truly grasp this ‘I’, and merge completely with it, you too become undifferentiated, formless, freed from illusion. Then you transcend the limited sphere of body and mind, and are established in the eternal supreme self—where silence alone dwells. The very foundation of all practice is this—to recognize and seize the ‘I’-sense, which opens the door to self-remembrance.

This “I” is not a bodily person; it is the first stirring of consciousness—a wordless and formless inner self-declaration.

The guru speaks at the outset: understand this “I,” abide in it, and gradually become one with it. It is through this attainment of unity that the seeker transcends all the dualities of body and mind, all desire, suffering, and limitation. Then begins true liberation—where one surpasses even oneself through this “I.” The guru’s first teaching is this: understand who this “I” is, and dwell in it.

This “I” is the first pulse of nameless, formless self-consciousness. Once you grasp this awareness, all mental and bodily constraints fall away of their own accord. When you become one with this “I,” you too become the unmanifest, the formless, the eternal. Then it becomes possible to return, transcending body, mind, and world, to your true supreme state.

195.

Questions persist as long as this “I” remains. All questions exist because this sense of “I” exists. But when this “I” dissolves, there is no room for any question at all. “I am”—this is the first concept, the root of all things, the birthplace of all inquiry. When you abide in this “I,” you stand at the very beginning point of consciousness—then no question can arise.

Yet if you move away from this position, if you distance yourself from this “I”—then questions begin, doubts arise, suffering and confusion take hold. But if you can abide deeply in this “I,” then one day this “I” itself dissolves—and then not only do questions vanish, the very idea of questioning ceases—for the very root is severed.

In Advaita Vedanta it is said: questions, knowledge, experience, mind, memory—all stand upon this sense of “I.” Without this sense of “I,” expressions like “I do not know,” “I cannot understand,” “I have a question”—none of these have any ground. Therefore, the root cause of all questions is the “I.” To abide in the “I” means to rest at the fundamental level of consciousness, where thought and questioning have not yet arisen. At this level, no question can come. And when the “I” itself dissolves, then to whom does the question arise? Who will inquire? Of whom will one inquire? What remains then is beyond questioning, beyond thought, silent, consciousness alone.

Questions begin only after the “I” arrives. So long as you remain established in the sense of “I,” no question comes—for you have not yet entered into the thought-troubled world of experience. And when the “I” itself dissolves, there is no existence of questioning, for then there is no inquiring entity left. This is the final state, where only solitary consciousness endures—no question, no answer—only truth.