When everything was breaking

You think that if the person you love leaves your life, you'll simply die? That you won't be able to survive?

You can indeed lose someone from your life. It's quite simple and natural. But what happens after the loss—accepting all of that is terribly difficult. It's not easy to hold yourself together then.

I went through exactly such a state. Day after day, I endured profound despair and hopelessness, but I never let anyone understand. I know you should never burden others with your own weight. If you do, the burden only grows heavier. No one in this world can take away another's sorrow. So even trying is sheer foolishness.

I was gradually sinking into darkness then. But I never let anyone see this—instead, I convinced everyone that I was fine. Remember, no one wants to hear your anguish; if you share it, people get annoyed, even if they don't say so. So I spoke to everyone with a smiling face then. I was burning inside, yet appeared cheerful outside. What a strange feeling!

While living with that torment, I tried everything that came to mind to escape the pain, even a little. I kept telling myself, I'm fine, everything will be alright. I forced myself to believe that this suffering wouldn't last, that it would leave very soon.

Yes, slowly I was learning to push that pain away, or to live without paying attention to old memories. It's a matter of practice. You have to practice forcibly, even if you don't want to. The habit doesn't form at first—then you have to keep acting, even with yourself. You have to tell yourself firmly: Yes, I've become accustomed to living by avoiding this torment. The more you indulge your unnecessary emotions, the more they'll consume you. You must discipline yourself then, even if it's forced.

I know what I had to go through. Enduring so much pain is truly very difficult. But if you want to stay alive, you must endure. Because I went against my own heart that day, today I'm able to live according to my heart's desire.

Now I'm quite well. Now my heart is truly well—I no longer have to live by acting like those old days. Living no longer pains me. There's no despair or hopelessness left in me anymore. I'm not even the same person I was then—today I'm completely different. Standing before a mirror no longer makes me uncomfortable.

That intense experience of suffering has helped me live beautifully, brought me to this firm position today. Because I endured such torment, I now hold so much strength within myself. I'm no longer my former self. No one can break me anymore, even if they wanted to. Today no one can even recognize me. Everyone is amazed when they see my courage.

You must change yourself and your mind according to time's demands. Those who cannot change find living itself very difficult. I kept telling myself, I wasn't born to spend my life in such suffering. I came to this world to conquer, not to lose even before entering the battle.

Let me speak from my own life. Making mistakes isn't a crime—not learning from mistakes is. Work with your mistakes, try to overcome them, give yourself a chance to survive and grow. Something good is waiting for you.

Keep in mind: if you've lost someone from your life, it means you've received the greatest opportunity to find yourself. Now whether you'll use that opportunity or watch yourself slowly fade away in your own eyes—that's entirely your personal matter.