What I Have Received, Even Without Expecting

So that at the end of the day you remain clear before your conscience, so that when your conscience questions you, 'Hey boy, did you study properly?!', you can puff out your chest and say, 'I tried. I couldn't do it, that's a different matter. It wasn't in my fortune, it wasn't in my destiny, it wasn't in my fate, it wasn't written for me. But I tried my level best! I gave it my absolute all.' There is immense peace in doing justice to your own strength, there is tranquility. That failure hurts a person most, for which they didn't try properly.

The mistakes you're making today, someday you'll see that if you hadn't made those mistakes, your life wouldn't have been so beautiful. So try to respect your mistakes. I repeat this: try to respect your mistakes. Try to honor your mistakes. Because if your mistakes are wrong, then you are that mistake-filled person. You're not anyone else! Because without your mistakes, you're not you. If you do the right thing, then you are that righteous person. The beauty of mistakes is infinite. Mistakes are what lead a person to the right path.

You'll see some people who judge you by your mistakes. Leave their company immediately. To live beautifully, you don't need everyone in this world. Those who don't see your good, who don't think well of you—never stay anywhere near them. What I mean is, if you want to learn from a mistake, then you have to avoid those people who view those mistakes badly. Therefore, avoid them. Those who destroy you, who ruin you, who don't let you be yourself—avoid them at any cost.

The mistakes I made while studying at CUET, those very mistakes later blossomed as flowers in my life. Your mistakes can become flowers. Whether your mistakes become flowers or thorns depends on you. Not everyone can turn mistakes into flowers. Not everyone has that mental strength, that plan, that power of thoughtful consideration. Now, in academic life, I've told you, I tutored and I tutored with utmost sincerity. I always had it in my mind that when I taught, I would teach in such a way that no one else could teach better than me. For this, whatever preparation was needed, I always took it—staying up night after night, going without sleep. If you don't deceive yourself, you never have to bow your head to anyone in this world.

Whatever I did, I did it well. Even when I was being lazy, I was lazy with great attention. When I studied, I studied with focus. When I taught students, my target was perfection. I taught in Chittagong and it was set in my mind that the subjects I taught, no one else should be able to teach better than me or be capable of teaching them. So to achieve that, whatever I had to do, that's exactly what I did. I made myself work to the maximum degree.

When I went to take physics classes, to know and understand every detail of what was and wasn't in the syllabus, I would read all eight or nine or ten books available for Intermediate and then go to class. When I went to teach English, I would read perhaps thirty or thirty-five books on language. Before teaching chemistry, math, statistics, Bengali, I would prepare through back-breaking labor before going to class. Without any false modesty, by throwing such challenges at myself again and again, my foundation became much stronger. While it might have been easy to defeat me in words, defeating me through work was truly very difficult. You have to throw the challenge at yourself, then all the challenges of the world are automatically conquered.

I'm telling you, if you make mistakes, make them with attention. The more attentively someone makes mistakes, the more sincerely they regret them; this very regret later greatly increases mental strength. If you do the right thing, do it with attention—this will pay you back later. Wait for that! Yes, wait for that beautiful time.

I spent my honors life quite lazily. While people tutored alongside their studies, I studied alongside my tutoring—though that wasn't much either. If I talk about BCS, what happened initially... let me say it straight: I first thought BCS was very difficult and that one had to study tremendously for BCS. Everyone said BCS was very tough. Besides, no one in my entire family had ever become a BCS cadre before. I'm the first in this job. So I never had anyone whose mouth I'd heard anything about BCS from. If someone like me could get the job after taking the exam just once, why wouldn't you get it? I never had any acquaintance with BCS, let alone love! In that sense, until I got the job, I was BCS-virgin! Ha ha ha!

I studied at CUET. I was admitted to CUET in the 2002 batch. In our time, there was no visible BCS trend at CUET. We never heard of anyone around us taking the BCS exam. We had an extraordinary teacher named Uttam Kumar Debnath. He was a gold medalist who got record marks from the Electrical Engineering department. So he became a BCS cadre and then left the job. And we saw that every one of our teachers had the responsibility of coming to class and saying bad things about Uttam Kumar Debnath. Why did they say bad things? Because he was teaching. He left teaching to go to BCS—he's a bad person, he's a person with bad thinking. We spread nonsense about those we think badly of, even if they're good in every way.

Since we were young then, we also didn't think Uttam Kumar Debnath was a good person. But we really didn't have the wisdom to understand that how a person spends his life is entirely his personal matter. One doesn't need to say anything about anyone's personal matters. One doesn't need to comment on anyone's personal affairs. Only worthless people talk about and research other people's personal lives. Of course, if the university teachers themselves are such thick-headed worthless people, what else can the students do!

When we saw that Uttam Kumar Debnath sir had made a mistake (!), it became completely set in all our minds that whatever else we do in life, we must not take the BCS exam. Besides, none of us ever thought about or considered BCS. So I really had no experience with BCS. I didn't even know the elaboration of the word BCS then. I'm telling you the absolute truth—that BCS means "Bangladesh Civil Service," I never heard this while studying at CUET, let alone taking preparation! What can I say!

When I started studying for the BCS exam, I felt it was a very difficult exam. Everyone around me called it very difficult. Now I see it's become a fashion. I mean, calling the BCS exam difficult has become a kind of fashion for everyone. Just as we consider wearing new clothes fashionable, similarly saying 'The BCS exam is difficult!'—this has become a fashion!

I say, hey fools, why don't you understand this simple truth—the BCS exam isn't difficult for those who study properly for it. And for those who can't, everything is difficult. That's natural. When I decided to take the BCS exam, then... the BCS exam is terribly difficult, terribly difficult—that's what I kept hearing.

At that time my condition was so bad that I had gone to commit suicide. A person who goes to commit suicide no longer has any hope of getting anything from life. He no longer hopes to get anything. Only then does he want to end his life.

Then I came back from that preparation for death. I am thankful for that! A person who has returned from there has nothing left to lose in life. It's very difficult to defeat someone who has nothing to lose in life. To make someone lose, you have to leave some paths to victory open for them.

So then I began to think: everyone says becoming a BCS cadre is incredibly difficult—fine. But if I remain alive and cannot achieve anything worthwhile, then what value does my being alive hold? It would be easier to simply die. Because suppose I do stay alive—I'll still hear those same words from people, the very words that drove me to contemplate death, or people will look down on me. Life would seem meaningless to me then. Better instead to study in such a way that I face the maximum hardship a person can endure through learning...

Let me put it simply. What actually happens to us? If we work harder, what's the worst we can become? We might die! Because there's no greater loss than death. If you don't exist in this world, there can be no greater harm to you than that. So I thought: if I cannot achieve anything in life, then staying alive serves no purpose either. What good is there in living without the thing that makes life worth living? Why object to dying in pursuit of it! That's why I worked as hard as a healthy person possibly could. I didn't want to harbor even a particle of regret. Even if I gave my all—worked like a ghost—and achieved nothing, there would be no regret then. I could accept it with a smile as destiny.

Truth be told, I considered the BCS tremendously, tremendously difficult. After the results came out, I thought: Good lord! What foolishness have I committed!!! I could have managed without studying so much. Here I am, ranked first! I never wanted to come first. I just needed a job. From my own experience, I've learned that people actually spread false stories. The BCS exam isn't as difficult as all that. I mean, not as difficult as I imagined! I tortured my body, studying 15-16 hours daily for nearly 5-6 months. There was no need for any of that! Ha ha ha!

So I tell you: work hard, labor intensely. Study truly and wholeheartedly with superhuman effort. Study is not something to fool around with. You can't have all pleasures at once. I truly pity those who want to enjoy the satisfaction of studying without actually studying. Those who say "BCS is impossible! BCS is impossible!"—what benefit do you gain from talking to them? You want the job, don't you? So what's the point of talking to those who say the job can't be obtained? I honestly don't know the answer to that. Study with rigorous effort so that at day's end you can remain clear before your conscience.

Suppose you fail despite making every possible effort! Where's the problem in that? Our conscience is like a mirror! We cannot tell lies standing before that mirror. Having the courage to approach that mirror is what matters. I tell you: even if I hadn't gotten the job, I could never have blamed myself. Because I tried my best! I couldn't have tried any harder. I would have accepted that becoming a BCS cadre simply wasn't written in my destiny.

Give your maximum effort. Think of your past mistakes as strength. Transform them into the power of your mind. The rest will happen naturally! A beautiful life awaits you—so beautiful you cannot even imagine it! Those who say today that you're finished haven't even seen your beginning yet! Fools always leap without understanding. But if you want to make this statement true, you must take yourself to a place where their jumping around before you appears as nothing more than the leaping of goats. Begin your own journey. One day they'll surely receive their answer. Answers aren't given through words—they're demonstrated through action. Only mongrels bark with their mouths!