Those who have no one are far less alone than those whom no one seeks to understand.
Before you judge your own solitude by looking at those surrounded by many, take a moment to see if even one person stands beside them—someone whose presence makes them feel less alone. There is no greater misfortune than being alone in a crowd.
You'll find many who carry the burden of understanding—not only those close to them, but even distant acquaintances expect them to shoulder this responsibility of comprehension. Yet no one understands them in return. A person whom no one understands, yet who bears the weight of understanding everyone else! Can you imagine?
Days pass this way. After a while, you discover that not only does no one around them understand them—they no longer understand themselves. When you spend your time understanding others, where is the space left to understand yourself? The helplessness of not knowing oneself is truly piercing!
More than love or affection, what people crave is for at least one person to understand them. Often you see someone tirelessly trying to know and understand another person, while that very person neither understands them nor even tries to. So many people in this world, yet in searching for just one who might understand them, all peace seems to drain from their lives! Along with it comes the swift erosion of their years!
You know what happens! She thinks, "Alas, he doesn't love me at all!" He thinks, "Alas, she doesn't understand my love at all!" She thinks, "If only he understood how much I think of him!" He thinks, "If only I could truly make her see how much space she occupies within me!" Ah, in this world the burden of expressing love is always greater than love itself!
In truth, people want to love someone who understands them. More than the feeling "I could love you madly!" the desired feeling is "I can read you like an open book!"
When someone beside you loves you deeply but simply cannot understand you, your heart will not feel much love for them in return. Falling in love is easy; understanding is difficult. Why, you ask? You love someone in your own way, but to understand them, you must do so in their way. What they truly want from you is the second thing—they've received plenty of the first in this life! The moment you try to claim your love based on the first, conflict becomes inevitable.
At day's end, people want someone who understands them far more than someone who loves them. In meeting life's obligations, people naturally learn to love, but to truly understand someone requires great dedication. From this perspective, relationships break or form primarily from the place of understanding, not from the place of love.
"Though I still love my ex, I still can't understand them!"...Countless people live carrying exactly this feeling in their hearts. Just ask them and see!
A beautiful relationship forms only when friendship remains clearly visible within it. When the person beside you cannot understand you at all, being with them actually deepens your loneliness. Romance or marriage can bind people in terribly awkward ways, and then one must seek refuge in friendship for release. You can tell a friend everything, and when you can speak freely, when you can reveal yourself that way, understanding becomes much easier. Often you see that when mere marriage enters friendship, both marriage and friendship flee; on the other hand, when pure friendship enters marriage, both marriage and friendship grow deeper.
Having to hide things from someone means there's no easy friendship there, no trust, no honesty. If you can emerge from that state, the relationship survives in the end. Both people must consciously work together to find that path out. Of course, such conscious awakening sometimes begins with some unexpected turmoil. Such upheavals can save a relationship. In friendship, nothing needs to be hidden, because friendship knows how to easily accept all hidden things—something that romance or marriage cannot do.
People love and think, "With my love I will win over my beloved." Truth is, the first step to winning someone's heart is understanding them exactly as they are. If you don't understand someone at all, then your ocean-vast love means nothing to them! This is why the word "understanding" is far more essential than the word "love." To dispel someone's loneliness, you must first understand them. People don't become lonely from lack of love—they become lonely from lack of understanding. Someone whom no one loves can still survive. But someone who is loved by someone who cannot understand them at all—for them, living becomes truly agonizing!
Loneliness doesn't mean the absence of someone for the heart, but the absence of someone who understands. People to love can be found in plenty, but can you find even one person who truly understands?
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