To My Ex's Lover

I know you've recently fallen in love with my ex.

Take care of her—this is something I failed to do properly. I was always scattered, distracted by who knows what. If you look after her just a little, you'll find she'll give you a thousand times more care in return. She really knows how to cherish someone, you'll see!

Listen to her words with attention. I didn't listen, and that was my mistake. When she spoke, my mind would wander elsewhere. I never really paid attention to what she was saying. That's why she suffered so much then. Don't do the same with her. Look at me—even when I desperately want to now, I can't hear even a simple "hello" in her voice!

Spend long hours with her. She's truly a wonderful person. You'll really enjoy talking with her. I couldn't give her time, or I didn't. I just assumed she was mine. Why spend so much time on someone I'd already won? That's what I used to think! How foolish I was then!

Sometimes buy her glass bangles or garlands of jasmine flowers. Her needs are so simple. Even the smallest gift makes her happy like a child. I never thought about this properly. But you should remember to! Surely she has the right to be happy, to find little joys, to receive those small gifts from you.

Remember her birthday, remember what she orders when you sit in restaurants. I would forget everything. She desperately wanted me to remember. Still, I would always forget. I think I never even tried to remember. You try. It's such an easy thing—you just have to want to do it.

Remember her favorite color. If she sees that you've remembered, she'll be so happy. She never got even this simple happiness from me. Whenever she asked, I'd give the wrong answer. I didn't know what her favorite color was. I know that beneath her smiles, she was quietly hurt inside.

She has very small wishes. Don't forget to fulfill them. For instance, she'll want to climb up to the terrace at dusk, hold your hand, and watch the sunset, or the birds returning home. Standing by the roadside together, sharing puchka with extra spice. Remember these things, won't you? There are more—take time to learn them. I couldn't keep the poor thing happy, though of course I never even tried!

If she wants to know your mobile or Facebook password, let her know. I never gave mine, even though she had forcibly given me all her passwords. Won't you give yours? Maybe she'll never actually log into your account, but she'll ask for the password; if you don't give it, she won't say anything, but she'll be deeply hurt inside. Your girlfriend is really quite childlike. Never scold her—explain things to her lovingly. If you explain with love, she accepts everything. If you scold her, she cries terribly. I made her cry often. Please don't make her cry?

Never maintain contact with any girls she dislikes, not even by mistake. If you do, she'll be very hurt. I used to keep in touch sometimes, both by mistake and deliberately. The poor thing suffered so much.

When she's feeling low, remember to give her your time. Listen to her words quietly. Don't try to point out her mistakes! Don't judge her then. You don't even need to solve her problems. She just wants her beloved to patiently listen to her sorrows. To reassure her that she's not alone. At least do this much for your girlfriend. I couldn't. I didn't give her time, I scolded her, pointed out her faults, made her feel even worse. If I had just been a little more patient then, I wouldn't have lost her today. Don't make this mistake—keep her happy.

Give her your complete, undivided attention when she's with you. Convince her cleverly that if she tries, she can conquer the world. Stand by her side, give her courage. Make sure she feels good the entire time she's with you. She shouldn't have to hide anything from you. She should be able to be herself in front of you. Remember all this. I didn't remember, or I chose not to. With just a little care, I wouldn't have lost such a gem today. My biggest mistake was: I could never become her friend.

Don't hold onto your ego. Surrender yourself to her. Let her feel that you're beside her and always will be. I was weak for her, I loved her; but I never showed her any of this, always kept myself hidden, probably held onto my ego. I couldn't easily say sorry to her either. She was always the one saying it. She desperately wanted me to say it too; but somehow "sorry" would never come out of my mouth in front of her. Why it wouldn't come, I don't know. She didn't understand me, or rather I never made myself understood. I made a mistake by not letting myself be known. You pay attention to this.

Let yourself lose to her. You don't always have to win. In love, you need to know how to lose to your beloved. If you never want to lose to someone, you don't really love them. If you see her losing, then by any means necessary, let her win. Remember, if you defeat her in arguments, you'll lose her in reality too. By constantly winning, today I sit here having lost terribly!

Make her laugh. Keep an eye on what makes her happy, what she likes to hear. Never say anything to belittle her. Don't lecture her in front of others. If you must say something, call her aside privately and speak. I never thought about these things before, I'm thinking now. Though thinking now serves no purpose. But if you think about it, you can keep her happy. If she's happy, I'll be happy. I have my own selfish interest here, that's why I'm going on so much.

When we're in a relationship with someone and we assume, "I've got her. She's mine for life!", that's when things become truly ridiculous. You know what's even more ridiculous? We suddenly assume, "She'll stay, she'll never leave—no matter what I do! There's really no need to try so hard to keep her!"

Then one day she leaves. It's better to leave a place where there's nothing worth staying for. Then we realize what a huge mistake we've made! We can't even imagine her worth before we lose her. Only after she leaves does she make us understand that keeping her was very necessary. When this realization comes, there's nothing left to do. Because we don't know how to live happily while we have time, we end up crying ourselves to death when time runs out.

The one we don't value one day, we can't find later when we want to value her. When someone doesn't receive what they deserve, they disappear from life, and then there's nothing left but to live by swallowing tears. The one whose tears we don't feel while there's time, we flood our hearts crying for her after it's too late.

We just keep thinking and wondering...why didn't I treat her a little better? Why didn't I make one last effort to keep her? Why did I wrong her so? Why didn't I say two kind words to her? Why didn't I take responsibility and handle that terrible situation myself? Why didn't I stand by her side even if it meant standing against everyone? Why didn't I even turn to look at her tears that day?

Brother, believe me, the regret is overwhelming.
I'm responsible for everything.
I'm the one who couldn't keep her.
She really did nothing wrong.
It's only my own negligence that she's not mine today!
People try so hard and still can't find a good person, and I—I had one and lost her!
Because I let go of her hand so carelessly that day, I'm still groping for happiness!

Everything I didn't do or couldn't do—you do all of it.
All the wrong paths I walked—always avoid them.
You can be certain that you've never met a better person than her before, and you never will again.
Keep her happy, brother; I couldn't, so will you?
I'll always pray for your happiness together.