Thinking of You

 You have gone, you are not beside me at this moment, and I find no joy in living with this acceptance. When I had learned to live accepting whatever pain comes, that's when I met you. I knew each of my old pains by then. Yes, you came into my life at that very time. I saw that beside all the old joys, a new joy had settled—the joy of finding you.

 Up to that point, everything was fine. It was only the other day that I met you. How many days has it been? Five or six days? Yet see, it feels to me as if five or six ages have passed since seeing you! It doesn't occur to me even once that I have only just met you! All that comes is: when will we meet again? When will I see you again?

 What kind of pain is this! I had never encountered this pain before! When you came, alongside a new joy came a new pain! Since I can never lose this new joy, I must learn to bear this new pain!

 You don't know—I've entered that coffee shop where we met countless times in these past five or six days. Each time I sit at the same table where we two sat. I keep trying to convince myself that very soon we will meet again. I truly don't know why it's taking me so long to understand this simple thing! I've memorized far more difficult formulas and solved complex problems in exams, but in this case I fail utterly every single time!

 All I feel is that I had seen you—that truth is nothing compared to this truth: I want to see you! I keep talking to myself constantly! Before seeing you, there was only me within me. After seeing you, there is only you within me! This, I suppose, is called love!

 Rain has come. Cold air mixed with water's spray. It feels like you are there too! You were never there before—how did you come today? If you become so entwined with every feeling like this, how will I remain normal? And if I keep telling you all this over and over, won't you eventually feel annoyed? You might not think about me the way I think about you! The rain touches me, and I think, these drops are you! The rain goes, you come!

 What a strange feeling! I feel alone, yet bringing you into my imagination also makes that loneliness disappear! I feel I might very quickly forget how to be alone. To live, I will need you!

 Your text just came! It feels as if suddenly my heart might have flown away! My heartbeat nearly stopped! When just your text affects me like this, how will I feel when you yourself come! It feels like I could live with my eyes closed for many more days just for you!

 I desperately want you too to be restless in this kind of loneliness like me, so that very soon you'll want to see me! Believe me, if you become mine, I will give you everything in my life. My existence, my time, and whatever else I have. You will be happy with me, I will keep you happy.

 Have you ever run on a seashore during rain? It feels wonderful! Will you run holding my hand someday?

 Come to my room, how about it? You won't receive so much love in any other room, write that down. No one else will ever love you this much, write that down. What else besides love will you need in life, write it down a little! I'll arrange all of that too.

 We two together will lie on the grass. We'll watch how trees stand still leaning against the sky! How birds instantly become brushstrokes on the vast canvas of the sky! I'll bring you flowers, touch you with dew, together we'll smear light all over ourselves. Everything will happen if you're beside me.

 When we two are together, together we'll conquer the world. These aren't just words. This is my belief. Everything I've achieved in life so far, I've achieved through the strength of belief. So I love to believe. Rather than losing through disbelief, it's better to win through belief!

 The letter I received from you before we met—how beautiful it is, how beautiful! Your handwriting, your use of words, the scent of your body, everything is beautiful! After receiving that letter, I became almost mad with joy thinking what I would reply! I've read that letter thousands of times and kissed it endlessly!

 I cannot see you, cannot hear you, but I can feel you. Don't leave me and go anywhere else, okay?

 In the failure of not being able to see you, I laugh almost all day long. I don't feel like crying, I feel like laughing. I don't know the reason for this. Except for talking to myself about you, I seem to have no other work. When the madness presses too much on my head, I start writing out of fear! Fear of what? That if I try to hold on too tightly, I might lose again!

 The moment when I can think of you most, that moment is the most beautiful to me. Before I was alone, now I am with you. Between these two lies the difference of a whole lifetime! By coming, you gave me the chance to come into this world once more!

 What I've written thinking of you, none of it is writing, all of it is you yourself! Before I used to write on paper, now I place you there. Around me on all sides you are scattered and spread! I don't see a single thing before my eyes where you are not!

 Will you gently kiss some part of your body thinking of me? Whether it's your hair, fingers, arms, or anything else as you wish. With just the air that stays between us two, I want to measure my breath for the rest of my life!

 Well, when will I see you again?