The Wall

The dangers we fear and hold ourselves back for—time and again we find that not one of them actually happens. Meanwhile, we squander precious mental energy. We ruin the present by wondering what will happen, what will happen, though we often have neither control nor insight over the various uncertainties of the future. We waste much of our lives feeling miserable about what we did or didn't do in the past—time when we could have accomplished something new instead. Living in the past, we forget to enjoy or even use the present. Doing this, we can fall ill, and such anxiety increases both our present sickness and sorrow. We ourselves are responsible for the friendship between past pain and present pain. We drain much of our life force by worrying about the people close to us. Yet what will or won't happen in someone's life is largely determined by their own intentions and destiny.

So is everything we stress about completely baseless? No, it's not. Research shows that only eight percent of what we worry about actually happens—the rest never comes to pass.

When we get caught up in some trouble, we waste the most time explaining why the trouble happened. Rather than looking for ways to escape what has occurred, we stay busy explaining its causes. This increases stress. If finding the cause of trouble leads to solving the trouble, then searching for causes makes sense—otherwise it merely creates additional stress. Dwelling too much on the causes of trouble erodes self-confidence. It also breeds doubt and depression.

Another thing we do is discuss that trouble with people who can play no role in solving it—or could but won't. What's the point of talking to them? Does it bring mental peace? Can we research the causes of the trouble? Can we expose the ancestry of whoever is responsible for this mess? Fine, all of this can be done. But what's the benefit? Does the trouble lessen? Does the trouble move toward resolution? Instead, it reduces our mental strength and shifts focus away from the very places where the trouble could be solved. When I'm in trouble myself, I stop answering unnecessary calls entirely. What use does a person in crisis have for praise of themselves, consoling words about the situation, or venting against others? In times of trouble, we need rescue from trouble, not self-satisfaction. After the danger passes, there will be time and opportunity for all the research we want.

In life we face many difficult situations that have no real explanation. Maybe there is one, but it's beyond our understanding or doesn't occur to us at the time. Why is this happening to me! Do I deserve this? Where's my fault in all this? So-and-so is bad, such-and-such is bad, but I'm not bad!...The more we think along these lines, the more mentally weak we become, and instead of looking for solutions to the situation, we get busy venting our anger at those responsible for it. This makes the situation more complex than ever. And the trouble keeps growing right before our eyes.

Rather than seeking explanations for certain aspects of life, it's better to simply accept them. Learning to endure what can't be profitably fought against is a sign of wisdom. It's better to forget the sorrow that can't be escaped by nursing it in the heart. Living life is much better than explaining life. While living, all of life's explanations appear one by one before our eyes. We can't get explanations for everything in life, but we can live every bit of it.

My shirts and pants lie scattered about. Books lie scattered about. Many of my things lie scattered about. But this creates no obstacle or trouble in my daily life. If I organize them properly, I can't find them later. My phone fell from my hand and the screen cracked a little. But I have no complaint about it, because in the past year and a half that crack hasn't caused me any problem using the phone. Troubles that create no trouble in our lives—trying to fix them often prevents us from having the time or opportunity to fix troubles that actually need fixing. So I always tell myself: the trouble that causes you no trouble in your life—there's no need to make trouble over that trouble. You can't get everything in perfect condition in life. If it doesn't cause major inconvenience in living, I have no objection to accepting some imperfections.

I always carry a handkerchief in my pocket. It's my habit. I know tissues are easily available now, so many people don't carry handkerchiefs. But my habit gives me comfort. People often ask me, you still keep a handkerchief in your pocket? Why do you keep it? I don't tell them anything. I know they don't get the comfort of carrying a handkerchief. Let each person stay where they find comfort. What's the problem here? When we give unsolicited advice to people, we assume that only we understand this, everyone else is clueless. Some don't wear watches, they check time on their phones. Then they tell others, why waste money buying a watch? Wearing a watch is such a hassle! You can see the time on your phone! Watching them, I think to myself, the money is being wasted from my pocket, what's your problem? I'm the one carrying the hassle, what's your problem? By announcing to the world how much money it takes to buy a watch, it seems he's about to win the Nobel Prize for the great service he's done for humanity!

Those who judge me for limitations or troubles that I can carry myself—they're the ones with problems in their heads! Let's keep in mind that what seems like extra trouble to me might be a source of comfort to someone else. Talking too much about this is just foolishness. If you don't have to clean up someone's child's mess, what's your problem if that child makes a mess frequently? If someone isn't getting fat on your food, or you don't have to bear their burden, why do you research so much about whether they're fat or thin? When we see someone with dark lips, many of us say, that guy definitely smokes! Hey brother, if he smokes, he smokes! Is he smoking with your money? Or are you lost in dreams of giving him a lip kiss? Whether his lips are dark or rosy—what's your problem? When a girl gives me deodorant as a gift, I immediately think, the girl believes I smell bad and she definitely wants to hug me! A girl once gifted me a lungi while standing in front of Dhaka Public Library. At that moment I couldn't quite figure out whether she gave me that gift thinking of some special advantage for herself! Ha ha ha...

So back to the topic I was on! When our inner unnecessary anxieties begin to decrease one by one, that's when the desire and strength to accept the situation or adapt ourselves to it and move forward develops within us. When the mind is scattered, correct decisions can't be made, and as a result, the path out of bad situations doesn't come into view at all. We need to understand very clearly when to fight and when to endure. Enduring doesn't mean being defeated; it means continuously preparing ourselves for victory. We've learned to fight, but we haven't learned to prepare for battle. We know how to be confident, but we don't know what we don't need to be confident about.

Why isn't this easy for us? Because in childhood we were taught that to escape difficult situations, you have to fight against them and destroy them. In youth this strategy works, because the problems we face then aren't very durable problems—with proper fighting, breaking and crushing them isn't difficult. In childhood we show confidence about many things we actually have no understanding of. In childhood, even if we met the great scientist Einstein, we'd hug him thinking he's a friend, just like we'd hug our dear friend, the worthless Sushanto. When there's little sense in the head, you can't distinguish between wise Einstein and worthless Sushanto. Both simple and stupid people think everyone is their friend.

The scene changes as we grow up. The world we always thought was as big as we believed—after growing up we realize the world isn't actually that big. Whether due to our limitations or out of necessity, we're forced to make our world smaller. Then in that small world, the walls that keep appearing before us one after another—often we see that breaking them down and moving forward is pretty much impossible! Then we have to read childhood's lesson again in a different way. Instead of breaking the wall, it's much easier to reach our goal by staying within the wall itself.

Walls aren't always bad things. Wall doesn't only mean obstacle; sometimes wall means shock—a shock that if not received, perhaps surviving in life would have become difficult, let alone being victorious! So if the wall before us is called shock, it's better to accept it gladly and protect ourselves from the next shock.

Another name for wall could be boundary. People often can't understand their own boundaries. If someone doesn't recognize their boundaries and gets into trouble by crossing them, it's better for a wall to appear on the path than to spend the time, money, and energy required to escape from that trouble. Wall doesn't mean all roads forward are now closed; wall means now we have to take a different road!

Not every wall needs to be torn down. To know ourselves and keep ourselves together, it’s good to have some walls in life. Not all walls are enemies. Some walls, like friends, echo back all our tears and say, “Don’t be afraid—I’m here for you!”