The Thread of Maya Snapped

: One day I'll just vanish. You'll hear the news — I'm gone from this country. Nothing left but shadows of memory. I'll slip away where no one's eyes can follow, where no one can find me even if they search.

I've become far too accessible to everyone.

There's a sickness in me — a kind of daze. Whoever catches it must distance themselves from those closest to them. Not out of spite, but out of a need to survive, to keep themselves whole.

I neglect myself more than anyone else does. So no one respects me. They grind me into the dust and walk away, as if I'm nothing at all.

I have no value to anyone. I never even learned to value myself.

I have to sever the threads of affection from everywhere. I'll live completely alone.

I want to be erased from everyone's mind. I'll live entirely on my own terms. I came into this world with the forehead of a renunciate — you can't build a life with that.

: Where did all this bitterness suddenly come from?

: I'm just like this. I've always been this way.

: No. You've become much worse lately.

: There's the deepest happiness in solitude, the profoundest peace. When a person is utterly alone — just themselves and their work — no unfulfilled longing, no emptiness can touch them.

The more people, the more relationships, the more turmoil, the more entanglement.

Will I never have even one good day in my life? How much longer must I wait before some peace comes? How much more must I endure before God grants me a single day of happiness? Is it simply not written in my fate to ever have a life of ease?

What should I do? Tell me.

Everyone thinks I have nowhere to go, so there's no humiliation too great for them to inflict. If I want respect, I have to leave them all behind and go far away. I have to show them I can live with myself alone; if they dishonor me, they'll never find me among them again.

But I'm such a coward, so weak, that I can't even bear to be alone. The thought of spending the rest of my life in complete solitude — it sends fear crawling down my spine. Why can't I find the courage? What should I do?

Can you free me from this cage of weakness?

Can you give me courage? Or find some way through all of this?

: Of course I can. I've rarely met a woman as brave as you. It doesn't suit me to give you courage. And yet I will, if you ask.

: People rarely find courage within themselves. Just stay beside me a little.