# The Price of Kindness

Suppose a stranger somehow benefited from something you did or said. Your action or words gave them pleasant company for a time, or helped them make a decision.

Then they came back asking for advice or help in their own way. Whether due to lack of time, opportunity, ability, or simply lack of will, you couldn't fulfill their need the way they wanted. It's possible you could have, but chose not to. Your life, your time. How much time you give to whom, or whether you give it at all—that's your personal affair. You're under no obligation to spend your time on a stranger, so they have no right to demand it as their due. You may not always have the time or the inclination to spend on someone unknown to you.

They won't try to understand this simple thing. Or even if they do, they won't accept it. Here's the catch: they've already judged you without knowing you. They've constructed their own assumptions about your character and set them up as truth in their minds. Then, on the basis of these invented judgments, they've created bizarre expectations of you without bothering with any logic—all designed to extract what they want from you. Most people (Bengalis especially) don't want to understand, or even if they do, won't accept, the difference between right and favor. They live their whole lives without this elementary bit of sense and grace and feel no guilt about it. Only we are capable of spreading our emotional baggage and problems before a complete stranger without the slightest reason. And we don't stop there—we grow desperate for their attention! If we don't get it, we're ready to beat them senseless if we can.

What hurts, matters to the one who hurts. What's needed, matters to the one who needs. To a stranger, your pain and need have zero value. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand this—being Bengali is enough. The problem wouldn't be so bad if it ended here. But when someone who's already benefited from you a little realizes they won't get more free help and free favors from you the way they want, they start to dislike you. Sometimes they may even hate you and spread that hatred. They might start following you around, gathering more haters to strengthen their numbers, trying to harm you. Abuse and judgment are common in this scenario. Feed a Bengali once for free and they'll think free meals are their right—and if they can't get them, they won't hesitate to fight, break things, or worse, without a shred of shame.

On average, a Bengali pursues someone's attention for just two reasons: one, if that person is a gastro-surgeon. Two, if that person is not a gastro-surgeon.

If they never benefited from you in the first place, they'll never know you, so you're safe from their wrath and resentment. Those who are useful get treated badly. Those no one finds useful, whom no one knows—they face fewer dangers and enjoy more peace. But if you help someone? You'll be torn apart from within.

My curious mind wants to know: do people from other communities wrestle with this same peculiar psychological crisis? I haven't had the chance to spend time with non-Bengalis, so I'm asking you all.