The Memories You Gave Me

I still have that red t-shirt you gave me. It's torn now, can't wear it when I go out, but I keep it with me. Every single day I touch it once, wrap it around myself.

I remember everything—the street where we first met, the restaurant we went to that day, the blue dress you wore. It feels strange to think that I remember every single memory I have with you so clearly, even though my memory is usually weak; as if it all happened just yesterday! We remember only a few people, forget the rest. That you always stay in my memory—thinking about this makes me very happy.

When we walked together, we'd have packets of chips in our hands. Sometimes popcorn. You didn't care much for nuts. You'd tie your hair back behind your ears. Sometimes you'd have earphones plugged in. I remember it all.

The moments I spent with you were truly wonderful. They were like blessings in my life. Before becoming my girlfriend, you were an amazing friend. Most importantly, above everything else, you were a wonderful human being! Today I live on those moments of ours.

Sometimes I think we could have made our friendship and love last if we had wanted to. With a little searching, perhaps we would have found some path—a path that, if we had walked it, our relationship would still be alive today. Whenever I think that the person I know best is the very person I have to force myself to keep as a stranger, I feel truly terrible. I want to cry.

When it rains, I watch the rain alone. I know you're watching the rain at this very moment too. We both desperately want to talk while watching the rain. Yet neither of us makes the call. We're both on the verge of tears. We're both swallowing our tears and watching the rain. Such a short life, and even here we have to live with so much calculation!

I know that even when love doesn't end, relationships do end one day. The business of walking together cannot be carried on till the very end. Desire isn't everything—there are many other factors at play. I understand all this. But who will make the heart understand?! The heart only hopes and keeps hoping. The heart thinks that everything between us will somehow be all right again, just like before! This is how life passes, I suppose.

Still, I like to think that I know you, that we met. Loving you and thinking well of you brings a kind of happiness to me. I could never have reached where I stand today if you hadn't held my hand. You alone were by my side during my difficult times. My gratitude to you knows no bounds. I would have felt so much better if you were by my side at this stage of my life, life would have been so much better. Yes, I miss you, I miss you every single day.

Wherever you are, however you are, in whatever way you are—be well. I have so many photographs of you. How many times I touch them each day—I don't even know myself!