The Indifferent Life

If ever you feel that someone is using you in the name of love, keeping you in torment, then set aside all the world's logic in that very moment and let go of their hand.

...I read so many beautiful things in so many places, and I love reading them, but that's where it ends—I cannot apply them to my own life. Even when I find advice that perfectly mirrors my own situation, I remain in the same suffering as before. Does someone as useless as me truly have any right to go on living?

You dislike me very much, don't you? Sometimes you're terribly annoyed with me and feel genuinely uncomfortable. Perhaps you've even wondered why you kept in touch with me at all. Your birthday came and went—I didn't wish you. The reason is simple: I know my wishes mean nothing to you; in fact, on that special day you'd only want to be free from the irritating presence of someone like me. Besides, what good is a text message? I can't do anything for you! So all these pointless gestures are utterly worthless.

How do I set you free, tell me? I can't even separate you from my own thoughts. Perhaps this inability is something I'll have to carry my whole life long, perhaps I can only forget you for a few hours when work presses down on me. Even that is a great gift for me. I know not everyone gets everything, but there are people like me who try so hard and still get nothing from life... would anyone believe that?

Anyone can claim to love someone from a distance. It's easy to stay silent and find fault in others.

I've learned to live by accepting what I cannot have while trying to be what you need me to be, but I cannot feel this living itself...that's all there is. This indifference toward my own life is destroying me bit by bit.

Take care. Thank you for bearing my torment all this while.