The House of Captive Affection

Even eyes full of sleep have things to say. Eyes brimming with dreams can, once sleep leaves them, stare straight ahead just fine. And I am staring. All of you—please, let me go. I beg you, don't hold me anymore. I've grown accustomed to affection, to tenderness, to the weight of care and comfort. I've slipped into a circle. But I must break free from that circle, and soon. I don't want to die like this, day after day!

Inside the circle, there isn't much you can do. Please, leave me alone. Let me be alone. This time I need some solitude—I need to sit face-to-face with myself for a whole day. I know it terrifies me to meet myself like that. I've tried before, many times, and failed. This time I have to succeed. I've heard that people can be backed into a corner until their backs touch the wall. Mine has already grown roots there.

I've wasted so much time, squandered it carelessly, thoughtlessly. Everyone has neglected me, yes—but I have neglected myself most of all, and that is my greatest wrong. Because there is no one, no one but myself, to live alongside me.

Today I must ask forgiveness from myself. One morning I'll bathe early, brew a flask of tea, cook a day's worth of meals, and sit before the mirror at the table—but only after I've moved away Sunil and Shirthendu, those older lovers of mine who would distract me from what matters... haha!

So, as I was saying. I must sit before myself and look straight into my own eyes. This cannot go on. I've lived long enough. Now it's time for a little laughter.