The Dream-Wounded

I had a dream today! Rather a strange one, really. That's why I didn't tell you. I was ashamed.

I came to my senses and saw—I had no clothes on me, only a shawl. Yesterday there was a storm, it was terribly cold at night, so I'd wrapped myself in the shawl and fallen asleep.

The cold was intense, and suddenly it struck me—you were lying right beside me, so close! I was resting my head on your hand... whispering... please, let your hand not ache. And then... your breath, held so near, I couldn't bear it much longer. A fierce delirium was working through my body. I'd never felt such a thirst for love!

I couldn't explain it in words—it wasn't like that burning heat which finds peace when the beloved is finally yours—no, it was only that moment before, that endless moment, which took root throughout every trembling nerve in my body! Something that would never settle, some unbearable, unresolved anguish.

Just then, so softly you placed a hand on my chest, pressing me close at the waist! You were touching my whole body! And then you held me so tightly against your chest... I couldn't escape! I felt I had no strength left at all.

You placed your lips just below my eyelids, breathing so slowly, and as time passed... your breath grew fierce, merging deeper and deeper into my body.

Inside me everything grew restless, so restless! I couldn't speak, I was completely silent. You gathered me into your lap, pressed your body against mine, and whispered to me—"I want to breathe in your scent! You know, you'll never be able to forget me after this. Everything about you is so dear to me."

Then for a long time you touched every part of my body, so deeply, yet... I felt no shame. A strange sensation came over me, as if I were suspended in some heavenly bliss.

I drew you closer, closer still—there was no distance left between us—and suddenly... I burned with fever! I felt so weak, my eyes grew wet... You kissed my eyes and said—"Fool, have I ever forbidden you to love me this much?" Then you told me—"Every time I see you, it feels new, that's why you belong only to me."

And then... you dressed me in your t-shirt, running your damp hand across my forehead. You played an instrumental—my favorite one. Undoubtedly, anyone who saw our love would feel envious. You told me—this love cannot be seen, it's only like a spell... the way you learned to write about me.

When intensity grows so fierce, it becomes hard to endure. Then, very carefully, you said to me... "You mustn't ever think of being far from me again, do you hear?"

"I have been dependent
on your soul;
fulfill me engrossed in your
immortal thoughts forever."

I woke... seized by such an unbearable sweetness, yet my heart felt hollow. Why did I see you like this in a dream? Tell me?