I am afraid of sleep, yet sleep is all I seem to know! And what of this waking I speak of—how truly awake am I in it? All that I call life, all I have learned, felt, and lived through—most of it dwells in sleep; only a few scattered things break through into waking, shaping what I call my waking life. That vast remainder lies with you, held in your eternal vigilance. You are my awakening.
You have made me so that my life is nothing but this dance of sleep and waking. I sleep and wake, yet all the while I am in you, cradled in your lap, held within your love. When I am within you, the terror of death falls away. Yet I do not truly understand this dwelling-place; I forget it even when I grasp it, and so I am afraid.
Since you are eternal, and I am one with you as your child, death holds no meaning for me. And with your love present, neither waking nor the play of consciousness need frighten me. Show yourself to me with clarity—reveal yourself as life itself, as the lover of all worlds. Let me see with eyes full, with a full heart; let me lose myself in that vision, dissolve into it, and then fear will have no claim on me.
In the hereafter I wish to remain eternally awake in you—yet here and now, I have not even begun to truly wake within you. Most of my waking hours I forget you altogether; and when I do remember you, it is not with the warmth of love. I see you from afar, yet will not draw near; I do not wish to be awake in your love. Show me what such waking is. If a whole day were to pass in simply beholding you, in speaking with you, then surely I would taste something of the promise of your eternal home of love.
You have granted me this time of seeking, yet slavery has not left me still—I have not shed the blind drudgery of forgetting you, that weary toil. I have not yet received the free and tender love meant for your child. All of this seems so simple, so near at hand—why then do I not possess it? From this day forward, let it be so. Let me come to you again and again, let me plunge into your love, and as I speak with you, as I gaze upon you, let the days pass in your presence.