Surrender to Solitude

: The end. I've made my decision—separation.

I never wanted this. But every step of the way has been lined with humiliation, neglect, and shame. I don't have the strength to walk this path anymore. From now on, I'll be my own shadow. I'll withdraw from everyone and stand on my own ground, alone. After that, whoever comes, whoever goes—I won't keep count.

Perhaps solitude was always written in my fate.

I won't chase the race of proving myself anymore. Because being well is one thing, and spending all your time convincing the world that "I'm fine"—that's a completely different kind of torment.

Ahead of me now lies only a vast emptiness...and the darkness of loneliness. This is my world now. Everything I have.

I won't beg at the feet of others anymore, seeking acceptance in the court of society.

: And here I am? Something's bubbling inside my mind—but there's no one to tell it to.

Being born a man comes with two lifelong penances—one, enduring a job; the other, enduring marriage. In my life, one dream remains—someday to snap these two chains and breathe in the open sky.

Marriage is the cruelest punishment in this world. And separation? The deepest sigh of relief. Thank the Creator that children haven't come yet—once children arrive, breaking free becomes impossible. After a time, people bear their marriages only for the sake of their children, hold on only for them.

: Perhaps that's why the Creator hasn't blessed my lap with a child. He knew from the beginning—this home wouldn't last. I've surrendered everything to His hands. I won't break my heart over anything anymore.

What slips through your fingers like sand no matter how hard you grip it—if you force yourself to hold it, only your own hands bleed. Whoever is at peace wherever they are—let them be. May the Creator bless everyone with happiness.

But one fear gnaws at me from within—fear of what people will say. I might endure solitude, but the poisoned dagger of people's words? Those that kill you slowly, silently, day by day.

: You can't lock people's mouths shut—so don't listen to their words. No matter how much we bleed, it's only entertainment for them.

: Tell me, do you think I can manage—to be a little cruel? A little stone? I feel like I should start practicing that from today. Because looking around, I see only one truth—those without pity are the ones who are happiest.

: You won't.