51.
The sense of 'I' is your teacher, your deity, your signpost to liberation. Worship this knowledge—'I exist'—as God, as Guru, as the gateway to freedom. For this 'I' is the first radiance of your consciousness, and it alone is the instrument through which you can ascend to your higher nature.
The Upanishads declare: "Āchāryavān purusho veda"—he who sits at the feet of a teacher comes to know truth. And this teacher dwells here, in the form of the 'I'. In the beginning there was only a wordless knowing—"I am"—yet it remained unspoken. That was the first experience of existence, which awakened you. Then came language, then came "I am this" and "I am that," then thought arrived, then memory—and began the endless flow of mind.
Now, practice means reversing this current—first, come to rest in the 'I' that has form and language, then transcend even that and arrive at the wordless, silent, pre-personal 'I'. In that state, you will understand: you are not this 'I,' not the flow of mind, not words, not thoughts—you are that upon which all things have come and dissolved.
The Upanishads say: "Na sa prānen, nāpānen, martyo jīvati kashchana. Itena tu jīvantena, yenāsmit anubhūtah"—you do not live by body or breath; you live by that knowledge—"I am"—and by transcending even that, you are free. Therefore, worship this sense of 'I'; it is your first guru, your first God. Meditate upon it, and gradually move beyond it. Then you will know: you are not the 'I,' not thought, not even the idea of God—you are that supreme, wordless consciousness upon which all arrives and all dissolves.
52.
The 'I' is a memory; you exist before it—supreme. What you hold in this moment is a memory—"I exist." This memory has held together your personal identity; this awareness sustains the illusion of "I am human," "I am body," "I am the doer." The Upanishads say: "Smrti-rupam anritam"—memory itself is impermanent, and what is impermanent is never true.
Perhaps you do not know, but each moment you are holding within yourself this memory—"I exist," "I am that," "I am this." And in this holding has been born personality, conflict, suffering. But now the guru reminds you: "You are not this 'I'. You are that—which preceded the 'I', and which will remain after the 'I' dissolves, yet you will persist." Consider: have you not existed without remembering your own existence? In childhood, in sleep, in deep slumber—even then you were, but the 'I' was not. Yet you were—that is your true nature.
The Upanishads declare: "Yo bodhasanaye na vidyate, sa ātmā"—that consciousness which is not found even at the moment of knowing 'I'—that is the Self, that is you. Now, if you truly desire liberation, recognize this memory-sense of 'I'—and see how it has bound you in the web of false identity. Then gently set that memory aside, and rest in your original nature, where there is nothing to remember, because you have always dwelt within yourself—supreme, alone, unchanging. Not memory is you—you are; not self-image is you—you are; not thought, not experience—you are that, which need not be remembered, for you are forever present, not even needing to be recalled, because you are ever here.
Embrace that true being, and forget all else—because you yourself exist—before even the 'I', before language, far beyond birth and death—as the supreme Brahman.
53.
The 'I' is made of elements, but you transcend elements. What you feel—"I exist"—this feeling arises from a collective structure: this body-mind made up of five elements (earth, water, fire, air, ether) and three qualities (sattva, rajas, tamas) woven together. When these elements and qualities are present, the sense of 'I' emerges. But when they decay, the 'I' too vanishes.
The Upanishads say: "Yat anityam, tat anritam"—what is transient can never be true.
Consider this with discernment—all that is dependent, subject to change, fleeting—body, matter, qualities, the sense of ‘I’—all of it is unreal, woven of illusion. But you are not that. For you exist even in the absence of ‘I’—in sleep, in unconsciousness, at the threshold of death.
You are that upon which all things have arisen, yet who depends on nothing. Your existence is not in matter, not in qualities, not in body, not in the sense of ‘I’. You are eternal, free from dependence, imperishable being. The Upanishads declare: “Na jayate, na mriyate”—it is not born, it does not die—it simply is, within itself alone.
Body will come and go, qualities will wax and wane, matter will dissolve back into nature, the sense of ‘I’ will arise and fade once more—yet you will remain. For you are not that. You are that—the eternal, silent radiance whose existence depends on nothing, because you yourself are the ultimate truth.
**54.**
Dwelling in the ‘I’, witnessing the ‘I’, transcendence to the supreme state. As long as you believe—”I am this body,” “I am this mind”—so long must you persist in meditation. But meditation is no imagination, no thought—only this: to stand still in the wordless existence of ‘I am’. The Upanishads say: “Dhyanae sthitah pashyati atmanam”—in meditation, the self is witnessed, and that self is nothing other than the consciousness that precedes even the ‘I’.
When this meditation deepens, in a single moment you see for yourself—the ‘I’, and you know—this ‘I’ too is merely a perception, and you are the witness to it. In that very instant, you stand outside the ‘I’, and this witnessing itself is the supreme state—all-knowing, all-liberation, the perfection of all truth. Then you understand—’I’ is a light, and you are the sky—within which the light burns, and then fades.
The Upanishads declare: “Dvitiyam nanu pashyati, sa atma”—where there is nothing second, that state alone is the self. And to reach that state, first feel the ‘I’, then behold it, then release it. Meditate—becoming the ‘I’, then stand as the witness of the ‘I’, and then you will know—you were never the ‘I’. You have always been beyond it, outside it—eternal truth, eternal freedom, consciousness without doubt.
**55.**
Before the ‘I’ came into being, you were—full of peace, without conflict, eternally free. This knowledge—’I am’—has come from your prior state, where there was no word, no thought, no identity—only the silent radiance of consciousness. And now this sense of ‘I’ has become the root of all your suffering. For with “I am” arises “I do not have this,” “I desire that,” “I shall be harmed”—and suffering begins, fear begins, conflict begins.
The Upanishads say: “Yatra nanyat pashyati, sah sukhah”—where nothing else is perceived, where there is only being itself—there alone dwells true happiness. Consider the state before birth, or deep sleep, where the sense of ‘I’ is absent or suspended. Was there suffering then? No—for suffering comes only when one becomes aware of oneself as a person—”I am.”
Now the guru reminds you—this sense of ‘I’ has come, and now your task is to recognize it, dwell in it, and finally to transcend it. For before the ‘I’, you were—nameless, free from longing, free from constructs. And in that state dwelt true joy, true liberation.
The Upanishads declare: “Anandam brahma iti—yo hva esha etasmin mande anandam anubhavati, sa brahma”—who experiences this inner, silent bliss is truly Brahman. Therefore, return to that moment before the ‘I’, when you were—whole without becoming anything, luminous in knowledge without thought. Dwell in the sense of ‘I’, then behold it, know it, and finally release it. Then you will recover your true nature—eternal bliss, eternal freedom, eternal purity—the supreme Brahman.