I Must Get Married!

 There are some people in this world who think:
  
 Want to get rid of sorrow? You must get married!
 Want to celebrate happiness? You must get married!
 Want to cure a stomachache or stop diarrhea? You must get married!
 Want to comb your hair, apply cream to your face, or get rid of acne scars? You must get married!
 Want to wear new clothes? You must get married!
 Want to keep your character intact? You must get married!
 Want to stay alive? You must get married!
 Want to laugh? You must get married! Want to cry? That same marriage will do!
 Want to talk to someone or not talk at all? You must get married!
 Want to post on Facebook or don't want to log into Facebook? You must get married!
 Want to change your profile picture? You must get married!
 Want to sleep or stay awake? You must get married!
 Want a clean shave or a trim? You must get married!
 Want to dress up or go shopping? You must get married!
 Want to cuddle someone's child? You must get married!
 Want to listen to music or watch movies? You must get married!
 Want to write poetry, stories, or whatever? You must get married!
 Want to travel or stay home? You must get married!
 Want to study or not study? You must get married!
 Want to eat chatpati-fuchka, tea-coffee, or just air and water? You must get married!
 Want to work or not work? You must get married!
 Want to do something or nothing with your life? You must get married!
 Want to dream or not dream? You must get married!
 Want to go to heaven? You must get married!
 Even if you don't want to get married, you still must get married!
  
 Want to live or die? You bloody well have to get married!!
  
 They're born to get married, they live to get married, they eat and shit to get married, they even die just to get married!
  
 So you got married. Phew! Think you're saved now?
 No way, brother! The world ain't that eeeeeasy! Muhaaaaaa...ha!
 Now if you want to do any of the above, you have to have babies! Take that blow!
  
 Understand the situation! The marriage is yours, the life is yours, the bed-sheets-pillow are all yours, yet they can't sleep! The baby that they have absolutely no role in creating from start to finish—they can't sleep waiting to see that baby either!
  
 After marriage, they'll keep staring at your belly, wondering: is that a baby in there? Or is it kacchi biryani? Or is the belly bloated from gas? Or is that just a paunch?
  
 This is why sleeping pills sell so well in this country!