Existential Darkness

I was never truly mad, only in those writings...when you touched my heart.

That I wrote only to keep contact with you—though it sounds like a story, it is true. You once said yourself—so many masterpieces have been created that never reached the world; things deeper, darker, and infinitely more human.

This is a cry against the existential darkness that surrounds my memory—not found in you, but in the search for an entirely new path...in the finer contemplations of my soul, your existence is made certain. To many, it is a love story, or one of separation. But to me, it is neither—something few possess the senses to understand.

They all look at me as though I were some kind of confessor. Having attempted my own end more than once and failed, I now wish to distance myself from that design.

Why did you enter my life? The final moments seem to be silent witnesses to suffering. But none of you truly see me—I have accepted this distance from you only to deepen my solitude.

How great is the regret at being unable to restore that understanding which clings like devotion to the scent of your skin?

Through this severed life, the most fragile image has been drawn upon my soul—one that aches only for connection with you, yet remains trapped in desolation.

I hide tears not for love from you, but in the yearning of worship. That which lies beyond the primal desire to be seen, heard, and known—that alone is our destiny.

I have noticed in your compassion toward me a kind of painful silence blooming. Each unspoken word in your gesture echoes and completes my prayer. This city, your eyes, certain moments—they all transform into illuminated truth with each breath I take.

Why always fleeing? You will never fully grasp it—because one cannot struggle against something that does not exist. Love, wealth, possession, peace—what is it you lack? And yet, within this body we are only alone.

This being is not a book you can read once—after closing it, it remains silent for a long time, like certain songs that forever hold their peace. This gentle melody will take you to the finest moments of life, you will feel it...an invisible pain exists in you too, and sometimes, even when you wish to free yourself from this melody, you cannot—this highest, softest note itself is capable of tearing through the membrane of your ear.