You Are Not Here

You were only a glass doll...
The day you walked out that door,
that day my life slipped away somewhere from my hands!
When the doll shattered on my floor with a terrible crash,
my dreams, my memories scattered all around like broken crystal!
I cannot forget, I remember still, the day you left...
 
I still drift in dreams, hoping the broken pieces of my heart will mend,
that you will come, we'll laugh together, look at me and see
how I love, how even wounded I still smile...for one reason—I love you so dearly!
A trace of your memory somehow keeps me alive,
oh beloved...come back, come back, I live only in waiting for you.
 
You had said, glass that breaks, breaks forever!
Such glass can never be mended.
What goes away, goes away for good...
But today I refuse to accept all that, there's no other way for me to live,
nothing else—you alone are my way to survive!
I gather the fragments of my broken heart in this hope alone...piece by piece I'll mend them and save this life!
They say these are just fragments! But I know—this much is life itself!
 
Oh! Why did you leave? Why did you break? How strange! How did you become like this? How did you change so! By what magic?
You left without once looking back, said no goodbye, just left!
Like a toy you cast aside my world so easily, shattering it!
I lie here with that broken world...nothing, oh nothing remains!
Now I only gather sorrow, live in pain!
 
Tell me once, how could you manage it!
How much poison lay in your sweet words—I never knew.
How easily you broke your vows like glass,
you opened your eyes wide but closed the door of your heart,
what use then will my sight be, tell me!
In one kiss from you my world was lost,
why didn't you tell me before that wasn't the whole world,
that other worlds exist, with so many new dreams in them...why didn't you say?
 
I know I must leave, yet I cannot bring myself to go,
I've forgotten how to leave since I learned to stay with you!
Why did you forget that responsibility?
Your address is somewhere else now...has been for so long—how would I know, you tell me!
Without you, so much still remains,
without you, life still exists—
I simply cannot think such thoughts!
Time no longer passes for me,
my life no longer moves forward as before,
because you're gone I never dream anymore.
 
They say if you have the will you can live, I've seen them, that's what they claim!
You are my will, beloved, how can I live without you?
My conscience says I must live without you,
my heart still says I can live without you, darling!...what do you say! How is that possible?
You have gone—this is the truth! Yet I cannot accept it,
I simply cannot think—I must forget you to live!
 
Tell me once, why do those lips of yours intoxicate me so!
Tell me once, why when I see you do I see nothing else!
Come back beloved, my boat will turn its sails, I promise!
Don't leave me guessing how to understand what you say, what you think!
What you want, what you don't want, in what language will I understand, tell me, darling!
You had assumed my heart and soul belonged only to you,
beloved, I remain the same, then why did you change? In what enchantment? What delusion?
 
This emptiness hurts more than pain,
this loneliness burns terribly!
I stare at the ceiling, nights pass this way, yet sleep never comes.
I hold the phone, hoping for a call, or maybe a message—nothing comes!
When the phone rings I leap to answer, the whole world calls, only you don't!
 
Yet this heart still dreams—that someday you'll return,
we two will sing wonderfully, dance to music, wander together, laugh in joy.
In your sweet laughter the moon will hide, your radiant sun-bright body will intoxicate me as before!
Your kisses, your touch, suddenly embracing me from behind—
if you must go far away, why, tell me, did you give me such a life?
What habits will sustain me now? You tell me!
Days ended in your touch,
nights broke with your melody.
Now neither day nor night ends for me!
 
Now I no longer weep, day and night I grope for your memory!
These two eyes no longer burn, stone-still they think of you, see you,
I wait a thousand years, how many more hours will pass like this, can you say?
I search for you like a madman, I call to you, you never turn back—
there's no love left, so...now I only seek death!