Yearning

 
You come to messenger, then leave again! Again and again!
Why won't you see me? Someone here waits to see you.


Are you still angry, holding those words from that day in your head?
I shouldn't have written any of that. I'm saying sorry.
Please forgive me, no such mistake will happen again.


I read your post today. I feel like crying.
Why did you write like that, tell me? What happened to you. Tell me…


I don't know why, but I feel guilty.
Maybe I behaved wrongly somehow,
maybe I hurt you,…these thoughts keep coming…
Though it could be something else entirely at work here.


I can't understand anything properly. Still I say,
from today onward I won't joke with you about anything, ever.
I won't write a single message
that would make you feel bad reading it. I mean it!


It's half past two at night. I still can't sleep, I feel like crying.


So many of your writings bring the real world to stand before my eyes.
Reading you, I've stood face to face with myself many times.
I've seen some truths and lies, wrongs and rights.


I want to say so much, but strangely,
when I try to write to you I can't organize anything coherently.


I'm even afraid to write to you.
Then, the more I think of you as my own,
the clearer I understand that I'm not worthy of you.


I'm terribly foolish when it comes to emotions! This doesn't match you.
So many other things like this occur to me sometimes.


In my eyes you're someone I'd have to become worthy of
before I could love you.
And the possibility of becoming that worthy is very slim.
So even if I try…I might not be able to be yours.


I'm a very disorganized person, living my own way.
I wrote all this from anxiety, please take me simply.


It's hard for me to understand you. Please become simple, I request.
Create an easy medium of communication with me.
I can't go on like this. What more can I explain by writing!


What I write, what you reply—
these things create anxiety in me.
I become far too scattered—
at my workplace, how many more times must I say this?


Why can't we be simple even now?
Behave like an ordinary person,
let yourself be understood, understand me too.


All my work becomes trivial as my whole attention goes toward you!
This is what's happening. What should I do? Am I really becoming sick day by day?