Word by Word: One

1. How do you control yourself during your difficult times?
# I read books, watch movies, listen to music, write. If these don't work, I stay silent—even when it hurts terribly, I don't react to anything. I believe that if you wait, clouds do clear, situations come under control. Even if they don't come under control, people learn to adapt themselves to circumstances. Sometimes, to get through bad times, I do whatever needs doing. If that still doesn't work, I accept that what I want simply won't happen. There's no point in driving yourself mad with tension over things beyond your control. We may not get what we want, but somehow we always get what we need. And truly speaking, without bad times coming into life, you can never really know life. Bad times are a blessing for life—this becomes very clear later on. There's no better teacher than adversity. And humans aren't particularly good creatures. You have to get hurt to understand people. Only after getting hurt in the past do you realize that when trouble comes, almost everyone around you will flee to a safe distance! Ha ha ha...
2. When someone is suffering from depression and asks to be left alone, should they be allowed to stay alone in that moment?
# People suffering from depression usually want to be alone. But this solitude only increases the intensity of their depression. As a result, various kinds of negative thoughts keep circling in their heads. Living alone like this, one day they make a decision to commit suicide or something similar to escape the torment—something others can't even sense. So I believe it's completely wrong to let a depressed person feel isolated. I used to counsel people suffering from depression. I've brought 76 people back from the path of suicide to normal life. From spending extensive time intimately with them, I understand their psychology to some extent.
I've often seen that when you try to connect with them, you first face strong resistance and harsh behavior from their side. This is how it should be, because they're not in the same normal mental state as you and me! You have to endure that and create this belief in their minds that I am their friend, I want to help them. If they want, they can open up and talk to me. They become happy about this. Their main problem is that they can't find anyone nearby to share their inner thoughts with. Everyone's just busy giving advice. Words accumulating in the mind eventually explode! Then people, unable to bear it anymore, want to end themselves. So it's better if they find someone to share their thoughts with. This lightens the heavy heart. Once the heart becomes light, living becomes much easier. A depressed person wants a friend beside them, yet often what they get are multiple teachers! There's no shortage of people to lecture, but a great shortage of people to listen. Depression is not a moment for taking advice, it's a moment for vomiting out some pain. People to give you pain can be found on any street without asking, but where are the people to take your pain?
3. If someone suffers from depression due to one-sided love, how should they overcome it?
# Love is something you can't love just by wanting to, nor can you stop loving just by wanting to. If you could, then so much wouldn't happen in the world because of love. Expecting love in return for one-sided love is foolishness. In this case, love will go, but you cannot expect love in return. We can't control anyone's mind, can we? We should let everyone stay where they want to stay, as they want to be. I know a person who has been loving someone for eighteen years, yet still hasn't been able to tell the person about their love. Of course, people who do such foolish things don't have much logic working in their heads. Because logic doesn't work, they suffer. This thing called love is not very convenient. The one who loves suffers pain; the one who is loved also suffers pain. Love is like normal delivery—nothing happens without pain; nothing good happens, nothing bad happens.
In the case of one-sided love, one should try to prepare one's mind to love someone else. The idea that love doesn't happen through conscious effort, only unconsciously, is not entirely true. I've seen many people actually fall in love by acting out love. And you know, people fall in love repeatedly. A person truly falls in love at least seven to eight times in their lifetime. Each love feels like first love. During each love, it feels like I probably can't live without them. Love ends in breakup, and life ends in lifespan! Ha ha ha...! "I can't live without you." This is a huge lie. This fake line only suits dialogue in Bengali movies. The hero and heroine will compete in crying and say those words! The truth is, dying is actually not that easy. People who die several times a day just getting up and sitting down—such people aren't rare!
Instead of lying around day after day for someone who can't even love me, I need to try turning my mind in other directions. Among seven and a half billion people, is there really no one for you except that one person? This isn't possible. Someone or other exists! You might think many exist, but none like them. I accept your point. Now the real thing is, if they can't accept you as you are, then if you can't even think of accepting someone else as they are, how will you survive? There is something called shame, after all!
Surviving is much more important in this world than receiving love. In this case, you have to move away from them. Out of sight, out of mind! This saying applies to most people. Give time to time—time fixes everything. The more you stay near them, the more attachment will grow. Life isn't a Bengali movie where you dive into a pond and emerge to see the world is beautiful! Someone breaks a heart so someone else gets a chance to build it. If no one broke it, how would someone else build it?
4. Failure does come in life! But many people get so upset by that failure that the enthusiasm and desire to do something new never returns. Life seems meaningless. They feel worthless. What should be done then?
# Behind every success lies a long history of failure. We become happy seeing a successful person's face, but might not have been so happy seeing the same person's failed face, even though it's the same person in both cases. Who doesn't get upset? Everyone does. You wanted to do something, couldn't do it. What you're doing doesn't count as work in others' eyes! You want something in life that you haven't been able to get despite trying for so long. In various such situations, people will get upset—it's natural! Humans aren't robots that run on programmed instructions!
Everyone gets upset, but the world only remembers those who can turn around from that state. A person can never be finished unless they give up on their own. I've seen a person who ran after jobs day after day but never got the job they wanted. Some years were spent in between. When that same failed person entered business, even after failing in the first two businesses, they did so well in the third business that beyond their own family, they now support six more poor families completely. Understanding what you want to do is less important than understanding what you can do. Not everyone can do everything. Not everyone walks the same path. Who can do what—except that person, no one else knows. It's good to accept these things. You can't put Tendulkar on a football field and stamp failure on him, right?
5. In this corona pandemic, so many people are dying daily, maybe someone from right around many people's neighborhoods is dying, and overall a frightening situation has been created. How can one stay mentally strong in this situation?
# Look, many more people are recovering than dying from COVID. Now being conscious is more important than being afraid. No one knows when whose death will come. Whether I worry about death or not, I'll still die. Rather, worrying will increase mental illness and I won't be able to do what needs to be done properly while alive. Of course, tension is like a ghost. Just as disbelieving in ghosts doesn't easily remove fear of ghosts, wanting to keep tension away doesn't easily keep it away. This must be accepted. But it's true that those who can worry even a little less than others during this time will be able to stay much better. Excessive worry reduces a person's power to stay healthy.
Keeping the mind strong naturally increases the mind's power greatly. Along with negative news, we must also keep positive news. Our being anxious won't reduce COVID infection. This will only harm us. You can do whatever brings you joy. Drawing, reading, listening to music, watching movies, writing, dancing, practicing music. Do whatever you want. I don't think you'll ever get such uninterrupted leisure again in life. Each person is born with particular talents. You can practice these now. Practice develops talent. You can try to strengthen your basics. Learn math, learn English. Read some good Bengali-English stories and novels. Try writing in Bengali and English on various topics. First small pieces, then larger pieces. If even after getting so much time you can't develop your skills, then there's no one more unfortunate than you.
If you keep researching death and mortality rates too much, you won't be winning any Nobel Prize, will you? Your anxiety won't reduce the death toll. What you'll get is nothing but worry. You'll get it yourself, and you'll give it to others too. I've seen that those who belong to this camp spread far more panic than awareness. What's the point? The time you have now to give to your family—later you'll never get even half that time again. Give this time to your family. No matter what anyone says, there is no refuge more trustworthy than family in this entire world. Watch TV together, chat, spend more time at the dining table. Talk with your parents—this is your chance! They're getting older, they don't have many people around to talk to. As their child, it's our duty to do at least this much. You might not get this opportunity again later.
You can lend a hand with various household tasks. Organizing and cleaning the house, gardening, shopping, doing laundry, learning new recipes from YouTube and cooking them. There's so much more! Relatives, friends, well-wishers, acquaintances—people you don't usually keep in touch with due to lack of time—you can reach out to them. You could plan a new business. I know many people who started businesses during the last lockdown and have established themselves in these past one and a half to two years. My own younger brother and his wife opened a business page on Facebook called Roushshyarup during the last lockdown. Today, Roushshyarup is the largest among those who sell silver jewelry online in Bangladesh! In terms of collection, quality, customer satisfaction, and so on—right now no one even comes close to Roushshyarup. Through honesty, quality, commitment, and hard work, I've seen this establishment rise from zero to its current position right before my eyes! There aren't many business pages on Facebook as thriving as Roushshyarup.
Think about it—just one idea can completely transform your life! During this break, instead of chasing after others, chase after yourself. Life will change! If you keep chasing others, you'll remain behind them your whole life. And why do you chase after people like this? Are you a dog?
During this break, have a conversation with the person inside you. We're so busy that we don't have time to talk to ourselves, yet for living, this is the most essential task. Give yourself plenty of time. You'll see that you have the capacity to do so many things you never knew you could! If you want to do something good in life, you need to know yourself. There's no benefit in being curious about others—show that curiosity about yourself instead. Keep yourself busy with various creative work. Then you won't even have time to remain melancholy!
**6. This long holiday—many people perhaps aren't able to use it properly, some are becoming unproductive from just lying around and sitting idle, consequently falling into depression. How do you think they can emerge from this state?**
# Lying around and sitting idle isn't actually wrong. If someone can easily afford the luxury of laziness, then for passing time, there's nothing more comfortable than laziness. If you lie around and sit idle, what happens is that while others are accomplishing something or other during that time, your output is absolutely zero! If you don't spend time developing yourself, you have to face the consequences immediately. Someone whose father has immense wealth—I don't see any reason for them to work so hard. Or there are many who benefit from their father-in-law's property. Where's the harm if they spend their lives lying around and sitting idle? Similarly, wives of husbands who are both wealthy and good people—if they put their feet up and watch G Bangla all day, I don't see any danger there. It could even be that someone, like Amalkanti, simply wants to be sunshine—they don't have such high ambitions. Let them sit and bask in the sun during this lockdown! What's wrong with that?
If others follow their path too, then let them be prepared to pay a high price for it. The pleasure of laziness is high, but so is its cost. Those who are using this endless leisure time to polish and prepare themselves, to work themselves hard, to eliminate their weaknesses—they will surely be rewarded. Life can't be arranged just by Facebooking, but if life gets arranged, you can Facebook to your heart's content without any tension. You won't get such an opportunity again. If you carelessly lose this opportunity, you'll have to pay the price yourself. Those who can prepare themselves for their careers during this time will surely have more self-confidence than others. Whether it's a job, business, politics, or wherever else you want to establish yourself—now is the right time to think about it and work on it.
Check for yourself—there are many tasks still left undone that you've been putting off due to lack of time. Get to work on those. Once you start, work gets finished eventually. This starting is the main thing. If you spend time working, you'll see that the days are passing well. It's no use wasting more time thinking: nothing's happening, so much work is left, I couldn't do anything, I wasted all this time. Start working today. As long as you're alive, you are not a failure in any way. Only death is the end of everything! During this COVID time, staying alive with a healthy body is the most important thing! There's no greater achievement or success than this. Because you're alive today, you can go to sleep dreaming of seeing tomorrow's sun, can't you? You don't need to be so tense—start doing what needs to be done. There's still time, and as long as you're alive, there's always time!
*(To be continued...)*