Without Ever Having You

From your little house the color of sky freshly washed by rain, I was only a stone's throw away. An entire afternoon! Can you imagine! That house with its heart-stirring hue now feels so deeply familiar; yet see how once, gazing at mustard fields, my mind would dance like a young girl swaying to the wind's rhythm! Was it because I was young that I waited for you so needlessly then!? Is this what waiting does to us? Who can say…

In those days of waiting there was no fear of loss, perhaps that's why I waited without hesitation…

Now I'm afraid…of losing; so I don't wait anymore, yet still for no reason at all… pretending to study the shades of grass, I waited today until sunset… hoping you might come to bid farewell to the drooping sun, at least loving it enough to say goodbye… just as you once did to me… you remember, don't you?

You said goodbye, I came back,
yet still I remain entirely within you.

True, you disappeared, but tell me—when did I ever lose you?
Even after leaving… you remain here completely, even today.

Perhaps this is what complete love means—
absent, yet wholly present!