O beloved love, Until today I have never touched you. We have only touched each other's bodies, I could never touch you, Nor could you ever touch me.
How I long to truly touch you one day! Not with the body, but with this entire soul! We may not be physically together, I don't know if we'll ever meet again, Indeed, I don't even hope for it. I touch you every day, but you don't feel it. With my soul I touch you every moment.
You are not here! You are not near, you are not beside me. You are nowhere at all. Yet you alone fill my everything! Without being here, you alone remain.
To touch you I need not run to you, Your scent I find within myself, Your coming and going moves constantly inside me, You remain in every corner of my mind's chamber. Even in the darkest corner of my heart, there you sit still!
You know, I failed to recognize you, beloved love! I mistook your body for you, I mistook this body of mine for myself, And there lay all the confusion!
Thinking and thinking, one day I moved myself a little away from my own body And saw myself from a distance. I see I am merely a shell, The real me is far from this trivial body! Then I felt like examining myself a bit— My awareness, my wealth.
I realized whatever I've known as my selfhood until now Is not me at all! Then where am I? What am I then? And why do I keep unsettling myself with this daily cry of love, love? Why do I do this? Which self is this self? I was drowning bit by bit each day in the despair of not having you, A little more and I would have sunk bloodied like a pale sun, you know?
Every day I wake thinking, here I am, right here! Yet this inner self of mine may have slept for a thousand years, Where it was, In what shell it dwelt, I know none of this. For a long time I only dreamed, I was lost in slumber, so for ages I didn't see myself, Nor did I see you all this while, beloved love!
You have known me as selfish, You have known me as self-centered, You have known me as tasteless. I am merely a graceless room where no lamp has burned for years, Such a room you have seen all this time.
Today suddenly my thousand-year sleep seems broken! I am thirsty, I am hungry, I am helpless, Have a little mercy on me... Today I truly want to know myself, Today I want to know my love.
Not merely in body, The body is a terribly trivial being, Today I want to know my love's soul, Every day I want to love my love's soul Little by little with my own soul.
My years-long desire to touch my love, It feels as if ours is a love of millennia, Yet we have never touched each other, We two have only touched each other's outer shells! And for this reason I am thirsty, hungry, tormented.
I plead with you, have mercy on me, Free me now from these bodily bonds. I want to spread wings and fly, Across many, many paths spreading these soft wings of mine, I want to fly in that open sky of yours.
In this body's prison cage I am so weary today, My sky seems strangely covered in some unknown black darkness In some corner of this heart. Right in the corner where I can see myself, There too a deep, dense shadow lies. I cannot see myself through that darkness, I am terribly afraid to fly in that black, cloud-heavy sky.
Give me sunlight, Give me light, I want to hear that terrible roar of thunder, Let that fierce roar shatter my ears, If my eyes burn in the blazing light, so be it, If I become senseless in your soul's fierce touch, so be it!
Whatever burning, Whatever torment, Whatever blows may come... let them come! Today I want to face them all, I want to fight till death, I want to see naked how ugly that pain is, I want to see what love's true color looks like.
No, no fear, I will not be afraid, I will not faint, I will not kneel down like a weary traveler and sit with a pallid heart.
Now I will face truth, I want to break down a closed door, I want to bring light to the corner of my mind that dense darkness has covered, I want to uproot the half-belief I've accepted as everything for ages, I want to live completely, Not a little here and there, I want to live an entire whole life, I want to live all my living.
Beloved love, today bring as much as you wish Your wounds, your ache, your decay, Today I have accepted you completely, So today I am free from all fear and doubt!
ভাই, আপনার লেখাগুলো পড়লে নতুন আলো খুজে পাই।।
আপনার প্রতিটা লেখাতেই নতুনত্ব থাকে। অসাধারণ।