When Life Becomes Living / Part One

What I brought with me when I came into this world was—life force.
Through kicks, blows, and endless buffeting, that innocent, harmless, inert life force transforms into—living.
Living teaches us many things. It teaches whether we want to learn or not. Through my eyes, my thoughts, my understanding, I'm sharing some of those lessons.
Read for yourself, let others read. You can also write to me about the lessons you've learned from your own life. I want to learn from you. My email address is sushanta.customs@gmail.com

1. Money is the cheapest bargain! Problems that can be solved with money are the easiest problems of all. If you have money at hand, they're resolved in an instant. Even when you don't have money, those problems don't torment you as much as the ones that can't be solved with money. Nothing is more terrifying than what cannot be managed even by spending money.
2. Excessive closeness invariably creates distance. On the other hand, excessive distance increases emptiness and diminishes love. The person you love should be kept neither too close nor too far, but at precisely the distance where they appear most beautiful to you. Relationships are profoundly complex things. As long as they remain beautiful, their sweetness endures. After that, the relationship might somehow survive, but without any life in it. The curious thing is that relationships don't develop cracks due to major reasons—distance enters relationships through utterly trivial causes, things so minor they might not even be recognized as 'reasons' at all.
3. The company of people you dislike equals dwelling in hell. You must either keep unlikeable people far from your life, or remove yourself miles away from theirs. When this isn't always possible, the simple solution is to mentally refuse to go anywhere near them. Gradually, you must clear out all thoughts and considerations related to them from every corner of your mind. Even while physically beside them, you must move far away from them. Though this task seems difficult at first, when done properly, it proves remarkably effective.
4. Tomorrow comes with no guarantees—the sheer fact that we're alive today is supreme good fortune. I've seen many people simply drop dead for no reason at all. When it comes to enjoying life, there's no such thing as tomorrow or the day after—today alone is real and alive. I'm not so special that God must keep me alive; many far better people than me have died for no apparent reason. That I continue living despite being non-essential is nothing but pure luck. When something brings you joy and harms no one in the world, it's better to go ahead and do it. Perhaps the opportunity to do so may never come again.
5. Unless you have the power to alleviate at least half the suffering of someone who has decided on suicide, no matter how much you try to dissuade them, they won't listen. When does a person decide to commit suicide? Only when living causes them immense agony—so much agony that it exceeds their threshold of endurance. You and I cannot comprehend this; only they understand what they're going through! At such times, the idea that there's no point in living longer only to suffer more—it's from this very thought that people want to end their lives.
No path lies open ahead—when a person in such a state wishes to take their own life, if we cannot show them at least one path that, when contemplated, awakens within them the desire to live, then no amount of discourse about suicide being a grave sin or the decision being wrong can save them from self-destruction. The urge to live is far greater than all the sins or virtues of this world. Those who lack this urge are exceedingly difficult to save. Through personal counseling, I have thus far turned 76 people away from the path of suicide. I write these words from my own experience.
6. There is little difference between witnessing the suffering of loved ones with your own eyes and having your own heart torn in two. And yes, more importantly—the person who feels no pain upon seeing your suffering, even if he be your own brother, is not truly your own. Only those who are genuinely pained by your pain are truly yours. All others are strangers, even if they dwell under your roof—they are not your own. Blood relations do not necessarily create bonds of belonging. This world is wonderfully strange. Here, another's child may prove more your own than your own, while your own child may remain a stranger throughout life, even becoming an enemy.
7. The love that happens in your life without planning—that alone is true love. Whatever else may result from planning, love certainly does not. What emerges from planning is not love but contract. Those who have never experienced one true love in this life have missed the joy of entering paradise. When love strikes, the sensations that work through body and mind defy description—they can only be personally experienced. Before that transcendent experience, life becomes trivial, death becomes trivial. For that feeling, anything can be done, any convention can be compromised with, time can be carved out from the busiest schedules, and one can wait through several lifetimes to attain it.
8. The way you present someone to me in their absence tells me exactly how you present me to others in my absence. There are people whose very occupation is speaking ill of others, fabricating tales if necessary. Rest assured, they speak the same fabricated ill of you to others. Conversely, those who present someone to you by concealing their flaws and shortcomings will present you to others in the same manner. Those whose nature is to gossip about others treat you and me equally—given the opportunity, they will gossip about both you and me.
9. If you are tyrannical or exploit someone's emotional vulnerabilities for your own pleasure, it gradually embitters that person against you. This causes even those close to you to begin maintaining an inner distance. Eventually, this transforms into revulsion. I have seen tyrannical mothers lying on their sickbeds while their sons fulfill all necessary duties toward them, yet no love for the mother stirs in their hearts. The relentless torment of an oppressive, irritable husband or wife breeds hatred in their partner's heart. Then even intense love lies fallen and defeated. When you love someone, you should allow them to live and grow in their own way.
10. Regret and guilt—these two things generate feelings more venomously toxic in the mind than cobra's poison.
Yet remaining free from both of these is impossible for any person of conscience. Since one is human, one will inevitably make mistakes or commit wrongs. Those without conscience will feel no regret for their errors, and even when thoughts of wrongdoing surface, no sense of guilt will stir within them. The way to find liberation from this is to perform some virtuous acts as penance for the mistakes or wrongs that have caused such burning remorse. Good deeds wash away sins. Then the mind finds at least some measure of peace. Good works help us to live.
11. If we could forgive those outside blood relations in the same way we forgive our blood relatives, then the entire world would become one family. Being able to forgive someone brings peace; being able to forgive a face we don't recognize brings even greater peace. If we could not forgive, we would not be able to survive in this world. A kind of conflagration would completely destroy us. The very power to forgive is what keeps us alive.
12. No God exists outside our hearts. Rules and regulations created to appease a God outside the heart are the most despicable rules in the world. Blindness in the name of religion breeds hatred between people and creates superstition. One who could not find God in their own heart, who could not remove the evil within themselves and cultivate goodness instead—no one becomes more foolish than this. Even if such a person lies prostrate in places of worship all day long, they will never receive the Creator's grace.
13. A person falls truly in love at least ten times in their lifetime. And those who are sensitive and creative souls fall in love at least a hundred times in life. The more one fails in love, the more opportunities one gets to fall in love again. Successful love gives people comfort; failed love gives people strength. And who doesn't know that comfort doesn't last very long? Therefore, those who fail in love can sustain themselves for longer periods, because new sources of strength keep arising within them, helping them to live. When love exists in the heart, people find inspiration to better themselves and keep away from what is bad.
14. Sometimes a single truth becomes more terrible than a thousand lies. In such cases, living with lies brings far more joy than living with truth. How so? Let me break this down a bit. There exist certain terrible truths in this world that make it truly impossible to live while accepting or carrying them in one's head. Then no path remains open to a person except suicide. So if one must live, one must forget that truth. And to forget, there's nothing to be done except invite certain lies into life and nurture them with utmost care. Living itself is the most important thing. If one can somehow manage to stay alive, one can make one's own life and many others' lives beautiful.
15. One who makes commitments knowing they cannot keep them is truly without character. If today I give someone my word, and tomorrow or later I have to retreat from that word, then perhaps no person is more failed than I am. A person who cannot keep their word deserves no respect. It seems to me there's nothing to even count them as human.
For a businessman who cannot honor his commitments, begging for sustenance carries far more dignity than conducting business.
16. It is far better to make someone weep with truth than to make them laugh with lies. For when truth brings tears, they may suffer briefly, but they will be spared from a lifetime of greater sorrow. When falsehood brings laughter, they may feel good momentarily, but they will spend their entire life weeping in anguish. The curse of that suffering is a thousand times more intense than the virtue of making someone smile with lies. You yourself will burn in that very curse.
17. When you hold onto anger against someone, that anger eventually transforms into hatred. And hatred tortures the mind like cancer. If the person I am angry with is someone dear to me, or someone I cannot live without, then it is better to reduce that anger—even if it means slapping them twice across the face. Without doing so, the suppressed rage builds and builds, destroying you from within, burning you alive. That inner restlessness grows, the intensity of anger increases, hatred is born—and stepping away from that hatred to embrace someone again becomes truly an insurmountable task.
18. Even casual flirtation with someone is a form of love, because even fleeting connections require a minimum of attraction. You cannot simply pass time with just anyone; if someone doesn't appeal to you at all, if not even a trace of attraction works in their favor, would you really give them life's most precious commodity—time—so effortlessly? Those who can chat with others in complete emotional detachment are not human beings—they are dragons!
19. Someone breaks a heart precisely so that someone else gets the opportunity to mend it. There is no fault in the heart itself. The one whose heart it is bears no fault. The one who broke it bears no fault either. All the fault lies with regret. If regret never visits, then it's even better—then no one bears any fault at all. If regret doesn't enter the game of hearts breaking and mending, then everything is... it's okay! It's best when we can assume—whatever happened, happened for the good.
20. Just as humans are attracted to the opposite sex due to genetic reasons, homosexuals are attracted to the same sex for the very same genetic reasons. Homosexuality has no connection with character—it occurs due to genetic factors. Homosexuality is merely a way of living, nothing more. Love exists there too, romance exists there too. Most importantly, some people are happy living that way. If someone lives well in their own way without harming anyone, however they choose to be happy, what business is it of anyone else? What is there to judge so much?
21. To make life enjoyable, necessary money is required, but more importantly, one must remain free from bonds. Someone who has a partner must accept that many paths to enjoying life have closed for them. However, yes, if you find a partner after your own heart, then many avenues of enjoyment open up before your eyes. But if the partner is not to your liking, then your entire life they will seem like a burden.
22. To understand life, there is no point in being a 'good boy' or 'good guy.' One of the mistakes I have made in my life is that I have spent my entire existence trying to be a good boy.
Those who cannot recognize life's crooked ways find every path crooked. Good boys have no place anywhere—even girls pay them no heed. Girls prefer 'boys,' not 'good boys.' Most girls think good boys are goats. And who doesn't know that goats eat jackfruit leaves, not love? Therefore, girls simply assume that good boys' food is 'jackfruit leaves,' not 'romance.' Good boys earn a sympathetic 'Aah!' from girls, never a passionate 'Ahh!' Pure good boys lag far behind when it comes to savoring life's beauty. Life's path is neither straight nor crooked—life's path is simply like life's path. To walk that path, one needs to be not a good boy, nor a bad boy, but simply a boy.
23. The more one calculates in life, the more mistakes one makes. Life doesn't run on calculations—it runs on conscience. And? It also runs on emotion. But emotion guides only until conscience develops. Calculating what will happen if I do this, what happened because I did that—such calculations drive one mad! Then nothing remains but despair and hopelessness. It's better to judge and use each moment we're alive through conscience.
24. Compassionate people are the richest and happiest people in the world. A person's wealth isn't measured by how much they earned or accumulated, but by how much they spent for others' welfare. Let me tell a story about a rich man. His assets were worth at least 70-80 crore taka. He was an extremely miserly person. So miserly that when guests came home, only then would he give someone 10 taka to buy milk for tea from the shop. The rest of the time, to save money on milk, he drank plain tea. He never helped anyone with even 500 taka in his entire life. He wouldn't even pay his only son's education expenses—the son struggled greatly, earning his own way through studies. Later, of course, the son became owner of several business establishments through his own efforts. That son severed all ties with his father and lived in Dhaka. The father was actually pleased with this, believing that maintaining contact would mean his son asking for money. He had one daughter. One day, the daughter's husband conspired with his wife to push his father-in-law off the roof, motivated by greed for property. It was publicized in the area that he had suddenly suffered a stroke and fallen from the roof to his death. After his death, his daughter became owner of all his property.
25. Charity remains charity only as long as it's secret. Once a third party besides the giver and receiver knows about it, it ceases to be charity—it becomes either advertisement or business (like CSR, for instance). In my personal experience, I've seen many people who don't beat drums but donate generously. You won't see their names anywhere; you might learn about them from someone close. Did any of you know that Jibanananda Das donated most of his income to the poor? Yet he himself lived without much comfort. Giving requires the heart far more than wealth.
26. Poverty makes people intelligent and industrious; wealth makes people lazy and foolish. Those who have seen poverty, who have experienced poverty, make the best life decisions.
One who must carry the water vessel in their own hands from afar uses far more intelligence and conscience when consuming that water than one who never had to carry it themselves. Ready-made wealth gradually erodes the purity of the mind. Such wealth, in fact, keeps a person foolish and baselessly self-satisfied with each passing day.
27. Poverty is humanity's most beneficial sorrow. The more poverty a child witnesses while growing up, the more their mental age advances beyond their physical age. Suffering and poverty teach one to understand life. What cannot be perceived by ordinary eyes—to see such things, one must venture behind the veil that lies beyond life's surface. Poverty, along with some suffering, creates that vision. Those who have never known poverty rarely develop a sense of humanity.
28. Men are naturally inclined toward polygamous mentalities; women are innately jealous by nature. And when a woman takes polygamy lightly, her own promiscuity surpasses that of men. When jealousy takes root in a man's heart, its fire burns not only him but others as well. One must remember that polygamy has no connection to being good or bad as a human being. Rather, it is far more comfortable to associate with a promiscuous good person than with a monogamous bad one.
29. There are very few people of their word in this world. Therefore, lending money to someone in hopes of profit is the greatest folly imaginable. People remain good to you only as long as your money isn't entering their pocket. To truly understand what kind of person someone is, you must lend them money. Only one who can maintain commitment in financial matters is a genuine human being. There is no one more despicable than a person who breaks their word. Suppose you give someone money hoping for profit—in your terms, this is called investment. If they subsequently pay you dividends on time (according to contractual terms), all is well; but if they don't, the tension and anguish over that money costs far more than the money itself. I know someone who invested a considerable sum somewhere. He didn't receive the monthly dividends he was supposed to get in return for that money—this went on for months. Even after the stipulated time had passed, despite many attempts, he couldn't retrieve his money. His main weakness was that he was a gentleman and easily gave people respect and trust. Eventually, the stress over the money gave him a mild stroke, and he became quite ill physically. He still hasn't been able to recover that money. The person to whom he lent the money is an established businessman and one of society's most respected figures. Without lending money, it wouldn't have been possible to know his true face. Indeed, when money becomes involved, people are revealed in ways that are otherwise impossible. The regrettable thing is that even without investing that money, nothing would have changed for him—it was his surplus money, perhaps money he might never have needed to touch in his lifetime, money that would have simply remained in the bank. Even if he had received the profit after all that agony, he couldn't have enjoyed that money himself—others would have enjoyed it. What gain was there, tell me, when all was said and done? The truth is, our desires are excessive. We want what we need, and we also want what we don't need. We want and want and want.
This very yearning prevents us from living in peace. Especially when we can reduce our desire for what we don't truly need, life becomes far more beautiful.
30. The happiest people on earth are those who have—nothing to lose, no obligation to flee, nothing to worry about, no wealth to hide, no sensation of suffering, no urgency for anything at all...Take, for instance, the utterly mad—they are the happiest of all. If we cannot become such complete madmen, then there's no point in crying out "Why am I not happy? Why am I not happy?" Everyone has their sorrows—some speak of them, others don't. Each person's grief looms largest to themselves. You will never truly discover how deeply my sorrow has wounded me. Perhaps if you knew and could feel my pain, your own troubles would seem trivial by comparison. Those who don't market their misery, who keep it hidden, who swallow their tears and live with smiling faces...these people carry the deepest sorrows. At day's end, that song by Ayub Bachchu rings true...truly, no one is happy!
31. Most of the world's wealthy achieve the fortune of becoming rich by standing upon property inherited through birthright. Then there are others whose family members earn substantial money, and they can spend that wealth as they please without much thought or consideration. Their friends and acquaintances treat them with royal honor. They too are a kind of wealthy. They can enjoy their lives as they wish, though they haven't earned a single penny themselves. This too is tremendous good fortune.
32. Most households in the world survive solely by thinking of their children. In most families, there isn't much marital love or attraction to speak of—only children remain at the center of the relationship. It's because of children that relationships get dragged along until they eventually settle into mere habit. Not through love, not through affection—families survive purely through routine. There's another factor: what will happen if the household breaks apart, what will people say, how will we adjust to new circumstances, what will become of us if we truly leave this relationship—such thoughts and anxieties prevent many relationships from reaching any extreme conclusion. They endure day after day, accepting and adapting.
33. Deceivers must be recognized and remembered. You won't easily identify them by sight or even by spending time with them. Their behavior is gracious, their conduct utterly refined. They never lose their temper; their patience is infinite. Even if you curse them or beat them, they'll still speak to you with the utmost sincerity. You probably won't find people with cooler temperaments anywhere on earth. Sometimes they'll try various tactics to frighten you or weaken your nerves, especially when you're asking for your money back. But don't be intimidated by any of it—they're not worth acknowledging, they're lower than street dogs. Many of them are remarkably intelligent and creative. They can speak beautifully, write beautifully too. If anyone elevates hypocrisy to the level of art, it's these deceivers. Outwardly, they possess the sweetest personalities. There's no lie in this world they won't tell you to take your money or trap you in some other snare. While talking with them, you'll feel as though they're about to accomplish all your tasks right this instant.
The deceivers—from murdering their own mothers to tales of starvation... what is there they cannot tell in believable ways!
34. Giving without expectation of return—that is true sacrifice. When charity expects something back, it isn't sacrifice; it's merely "give and take." But does this mean nothing is gained from giving? Yes, something is gained. Certainly it is. That something is peace, comfort, happiness. Nothing surpasses these three things for strengthening the mind. These three cannot be bought with money. Charity increases a person's prosperity—the main reason being enhanced self-confidence and drive to work. A person can live on little money or on much. The money that is given away might otherwise have been spent on something we could well do without.
35. Sex with someone beloved is among the most exquisite experiences in the world. One need not love someone to have sex with them, but when sex happens with someone truly cherished, the peace that follows cannot be found anywhere else. Sex is among the few genuine pleasures in this world. Love isn't essential for sex, but when sex is joined with love, nothing exceeds that supreme contentment. The feeling is utterly divine.
36. The feeling of love is as joyful as sex itself. Nothing in this world brings as much joy as falling in love. The strange happiness found in loving someone for a lifetime—one could live just to experience that. The feeling of love is deeply sacred; nothing surpasses it. Not only between humans, but love between a person and any other being brings profound satisfaction. When I see my most cherished pen in someone else's pocket, I feel a certain pull toward it—this too is a kind of love. In love, two beings draw each other close, live by making allowances for one another. The feeling that arises in a devout person's heart from their love for the Creator—its vastness and beauty cannot be expressed in words. Even if we consider human love, the same truth holds. When someone is loved selflessly, the pure joy and peace that spreads through the depths of the mind each moment cannot be compared to anything else in this world.
37. Marriage is what makes people most unhappy, though people believe the opposite. Actually, until one marries, imagining marriage as a wonderfully sweet experience feels quite pleasant. Beyond procreation and unrestricted sexuality, marriage offers no real advantages. Many speak of another benefit—parental affection toward children. But if enjoying that requires so many compromises, there are times when one thinks: if only I could abandon this attachment to my child, how much easier life would be! Let her leave me, and if she wants to take our child away forcibly, let her go! Day after day, this accepting and adjusting—whatever else it may be called, it is certainly not happiness.
38. After marriage, eighty percent of a person's happiness depends on their partner, the remaining twenty percent on financial comfort. Money is the root of all evil... when? When there's money in the pocket. When there's no money in the pocket, there's only poverty all around—neither money nor evil remains.
The poor don't sit down to calculate meaninglessness; all their time is spent scrounging together two square meals. Just as you need a job before you can curse employment, you need money before you can call it worthless.
39. Intelligent and wise people are the world's most precious commodities, so expecting to find such a person whenever you want one is foolish — because every precious thing is exceedingly rare. Remember: what's easily obtained has little value. To gain the companionship of an intelligent or wise person, you must be prepared to make any kind of sacrifice. What you can get just by reaching out has little to teach you. To learn from someone who has something to offer, you'll have to burn a little wood — they might seem a bit arrogant and moody, and you'll have to accept these things. Those with 'substance' in their heads will naturally have a bit of 'attitude.' Nothing to be done about it.
40. Never go to heaven with a fool, because their foolishness might cause you to be cast out. Fools, despite being utterly sincere and careful, can unknowingly put you in situations from which you'll have to burn much wood to escape. Being alone is far, far better than befriending a fool. Fools unwittingly drag others into trouble. To save yourself from embarrassment and irritation, you should abandon the company of fools.
41. The feeling of love is the happiest feeling in the world — this feeling I call heaven. Having never died, I don't yet know of the heaven after death, but I have no desire for anything better than the spring of joy that flows through a mind swept away by love. That contentment and peace has no comparison.
42. Make a mistake once and it's an error; make it twice and it's wrongdoing; make the same mistake a third time and it's nothing short of a crime. You can forgive someone for an error, you can correct someone for wrongdoing, but when they commit a crime, it's better to leave them behind. If you think they'll 'come around' someday, I'd say you're living in a fool's paradise. You're cheerfully destroying your own future with your own hands. Being alone is far better than staying with a criminal.
43. The great difference between human beings and base human beings lies in their sense of refinement. A person without taste is, in my eyes, equivalent to a base person — even a refined animal is dearer to me than a tasteless human. There's no limit to how many places you'll be humiliated when you try to mix with someone who lacks aesthetic sense. No matter how much money they have, whatever level of person they might be, associating with someone of poor taste means destroying your own refinement and personality.
44. Giving any kind of false assurance to someone I could never accept is itself a kind of crime. But if someone wants to remain in your life without needing reassurance, you can make room for them if you wish. In relationships built on mutual consent between two people, let there be complete honesty, one hundred percent transparency. Sometimes mutual respect matters more than love. When respect dies, love slowly withers away too.
45. This life that pays us no heed — there's nothing to take so seriously about it. We can't stop death, so what's there to worry so much about life?
We never know when death will arrive. Birth comes with no guarantee, but death is guaranteed one hundred percent. Whether the person who died lived joyfully before death — no one in the world troubles themselves with this question. Life is simply the attempt to live each moment fully.
46. One who cannot read the wordless language of your eyes will find little significance in even a thousand beautiful sentences from your lips. Eyes never lie, so whoever knows how to read the sincere language of eyes — they alone truly know or wish to know the secrets of your heart. If you happen to love such a person, try to keep them in this brief life of yours! A small life — what greater fortune could there be than to spend it with someone beloved?
47. The more forbidden a love, the deeper it runs. Legitimate love carries little fear of loss, but illicit love — what a burden it is to sustain! There's a certain pull toward love that society deems forbidden. No one wants to hunt a caged tiger; hunters chase the tiger in the wild. People are more drawn to what can be easily lost than to what is easily obtained. In the burning of forbidden love, people suffer day and night with an intensity never seen in legitimate love. I remain entranced by the longing for what I can never have in life.
48. The more suffering a person endures in life, the more practical and resilient they become. It's far better to suffer than to gain nothing at all in life. One who has never come close to death through repeated blows will never understand the joy of living. To truly enjoy happiness while there's still time, one must pass through some measure of suffering. Love that comes without pain is easily lost, because its true value remains invisible. Ask someone who held love in their grasp yet lost it through their own folly — they'll tell you what love is truly worth!
49. All happiness must be savored in youth; in old age, neither desire nor opportunity remains. Yet most people cannot do this. The restraints that prevent them often turn out to be mere excuses or far less important than people imagine. Still, there's usually nothing to be done, because we generally cannot extricate ourselves from the web of convention and constraint. If you don't enjoy your own life, you alone will be deprived of joy — it won't matter to anyone else.
50. Empty spaces never remain empty; someone always comes to fill them. This must be accepted, and if you cannot accept it, you must block the path to that filling beforehand. How can you leave someone in an empty space, yet refuse to accept when someone else comes to fill that void? Keeping life's doors open for only one person brings great suffering — let those doors remain open only for someone who understands the dignity of the room beyond.