What Keeps a Person Alive

Sometimes each day begins in its own unique way. Not every day unfolds like every other. After each career session, I receive feedback of the most varied kinds. Today began with feedback. One after another, the responses kept pouring in! Today was indeed a day of feedback. Not all of it is worth sharing. So I'm selecting a few pieces to share, along with some of my own feelings, expressed in just a few words.
# While sharing some painful chapters from my past, I often notice people reaching for their handkerchiefs to wipe their eyes. Their emotions are touched very deeply. Just for this thrill alone, one could go on peddling dreams forever.
# A Rotarian told me, "Believe me, brother, after Quantum's Guruji, this is the first time in my life I've seen someone speak for nearly 8 hours and hold everyone spellbound like this. Why didn't I bring my elder son along! I'm feeling such regret."
# Brother, you wouldn't know me. I didn't know you either until yesterday. I'm not someone who's lost. I'm doing quite well. I'm neither your 'nobody' nor your 'somebody.' I'm pretty much 'anybody.' No worries. I'm doing just fine. I eat, I give, I sleep, and I quarrel with my boyfriend. I have only one goal in life: to become a good housewife. I don't have all those career thoughts and such. Yesterday my boyfriend forcibly dragged me to your session. He's your follower on Facebook. Apparently you haven't accepted his friend request. So he both likes and dislikes you at the same time. I went, I listened, and I found answers to many difficult questions in my life. Very simple answers. These were questions I probably could never have asked anyone. I gained something else too. A confusion of mine has been cleared. I've decided that I will marry my boyfriend. He surely wants what's best for me. Otherwise, why would he drag me there? Unless he's a very good person, what fool would introduce his girlfriend to someone like you? You're quite the risky type! Please don't mind my words, brother. Stay well. (Reading this text, I'm enchanted by my own eloquence!)
# Several boys came up to me and said, "Brother, we promise you today that we'll become cadres in the 35th batch, Inshallah!"
# Someone came and embraced me, saying, "Brother, I feel so much bigger after today. I believe I am in no way deserving of anyone's disrespect." His emotion-laden voice still rings in my ears.
# I'm always reading this person's wall. Why? Because he ranked first in Bangladesh in the BCS examination? No, that's not it. Then because he's a senior from CUET CSE department? Or because he came first in the IBA MBA admission test? None of these things. This person's words carry power, carry life. As if you could reach out and touch them.
# "Friend, believe me, yesterday people sat on the floor listening to him. They sat on the floor for 4 hours. Incredible! It was as if someone had glued them there with superglue."
# When you shared that intense painful memory about tutoring, I saw your voice growing heavy, but somehow you managed to compose yourself! How ungrateful must that student have been to behave so badly—it was painful even to imagine. My friend was sitting next to me. I was crying with my head down, and I saw him clenching his fist and punching the chair.

It seemed as though if he could get his hands on that student, he'd land a punch on him right then and there! He was saying, "Bastard! Just because you study at BUET, you think you've achieved everything. No one has ever been able to accomplish anything by causing Sir distress. You won't be able to either, bastard!"
# Brother, you've given a fitting reply to those who dishonored you. What everyone thought you could never do, you've done exactly that. Hearing your life's story, I feel like I can do it too. My struggles aren't greater than yours! I will never give up! Never!
# Brother, from today onwards I'll never dwell too much on the past. The past can't be reclaimed. But if I want, I can use this present to shape the future the way my mother wishes. You've succeeded, I'm sure I can too.
# Even knowing that tears will come to my eyes and I won't be able to control myself, I still take the risk of reading some of your writings. Today I went to see you face to face. I can cry a lot. I didn't know before today that I could cry this much. You somehow spoke all the words of pain from my life!
# Sir, all my friends used to ask me to study with you in Pulse. They'd tell me to join too, but I didn't pay attention. Today I stood on the gallery stairs during your seminar. I don't know how I managed to stand there for so long. Let me tell you something interesting. Two seats right next to my row became empty, and I didn't even notice. Now I regret not studying with you during ninth-tenth and intermediate.
# Brother, I've never seen such a marathon speaker like you in my life. I've attended several other motivational seminars. The way you spoke non-stop for so long and compelled everyone to listen in silence—you couldn't see this even in places where you pay for tickets. Thank you for this good work.
# Brother, I failed to get admission to university twice after intermediate, despite taking the admission tests. I completed my honors from a village college and am now doing my master's. I used to think of myself as very guilty and foolish. Sometimes I wished I could die and be free. No one ever told me I could achieve something. Everyone just kept pushing me away with disdain. From today onwards, I'll never listen to anyone again. I can achieve something, and this is the truth.
# Today I learned some new meanings of life. The meaning of life isn't money, isn't establishment, isn't a good job, isn't expensive cars and houses. The meaning of life must be found within life itself. Life exists somewhere else entirely.
# I pray that you grow even greater in life, earn even more respect. Planting seeds of dreams in others' hearts is a very difficult task, which you've accomplished. I get motivated reading your posts. Today, listening to your speech, I've regained at least some of my lost confidence. I don't want much for myself. Just pray that I can honor my mother the way you've honored yours.
# Though I don't have much desire to become a cadre, still today your and the other sirs' speeches contained so much that increased my confidence—lost in the CUET campus—a thousand fold. Thank you all for such a beautiful and well-organized event.
# You said that how learned a person is isn't what matters to others. At the end of the day, what stays in everyone's mind is their impressive behavior, impressive speech, impressive attitude. This is absolutely true. I understood this seeing you too. I'll try to do this from now on.
# Brother, you've deceived the people of Dhaka. Why on earth did you tell so many stories in Chittagong?
You never told us. You only told us to study! Why didn't you feel like talking with us before—tell us that first.
# Today's seminar had three things all at once. Laughter. Tears. Inspiration. How did you manage it! Hats off, brother!
# Just looking at your writings makes me afraid! Because I know I'll have to read them! And I'm certain I won't be able to finish without crying!! Still, I'll read them and cry. Sometimes we cry even when we long to. Like a moth hurling itself into flame! May Allah keep you healthy.
# Brother, when I came home today I promised my sick mother that one day I too will do something great and make her honored before everyone. I will do this, brother. May Allah grant you a long life.
# Brother, I'm an extremely restless person by nature. I can't remember the last time I watched a full 3-hour movie. But today I listened to you for nearly 4 hours straight. When I told my mother at home, she couldn't believe it at all.
# Brother, my father died two years ago. Today, hearing one of your stories, I just buried my head in my bag and cried like a child. The people next to me probably got annoyed too. You're absolutely right. Whatever I do or don't do—when Father was alive, he saw some things, didn't see others. He's not here now. Now he's watching everything I do from above. If I do something wrong today, how can I deceive Father's eyes anymore? How did you say exactly this? I've been in tremendous pain since yesterday, brother. I've promised myself that I will become great, I will make Mother happy.
# Another senior Rotarian told me, "Brother, for the first time in my life today I listened to someone's lecture for nearly 8 hours straight. After going to the bathroom, I kept thinking, something's being missed, something's being missed!"
# You're a young man. When I heard you were doing this hard work without money, I was a bit suspicious at first. After today's program, I feel we don't have the capacity to pay you what you deserve. Not everything can be bought with money. Those were another Rotarian's words.
# Many people were standing outside the hall. They couldn't get in. There was no space inside. When I went outside to the washroom before my speech began, they surrounded me and said, "Sir, we've come from the university campus. Please arrange for us to get in somehow. We'll sit on the floor, we'll stand if necessary. Just let us in a little. They're not letting us enter." They had literally sat down on the stairs and on the floor.
# "Sir, from today I have only one goal in life. Whatever it takes, I will make my father and mother happy."
# Brother, when you were telling some of your own stories, your voice was trembling. But you controlled yourself and kept speaking. I couldn't hold back my tears. I was amazed at how you managed to say those words! Brother, honestly, if I were in your place, I would have broken down and started sobbing!
# Ayan was saying, "Brother, if I had attended a seminar like this before becoming a cadre, then even if no one ever mentioned BCS again, I would have definitely become a cadre just to prove it." He also spoke some wonderful words to the candidates. Words spoken from deep conviction that touched the hearts of many like me. He's trying to organize another gathering at Chittagong University. Let's see. Snigdha brother, any updates on the campus gathering?
The conversation can be organized among several departments too.
# After I shared why I had wanted to commit suicide, my mother began crying uncontrollably. The people around comforted her.
# During the prayer break, when I asked Badal Syed Sir how much time I had left, Sir replied, "Speak as long as you wish. Many of those who came today are spending their most cherished moments right now. Speak for them." Sir had a presentation where he shared several stories about life philosophy and inspiration for living. From Sir I learned how shifting perspective—seeing things differently from how ten others might think or see—can reveal such beautiful meaning in life. I had only known that Sir was an extraordinary person. Today I learned that Sir is also a wonderful speaker. Thank you, Sir. (Sir, Rabeya Bhabi's presentation was also excellent. I heard from Bhabi later that this was her first time presenting. I couldn't tell at all! Bhabi said something like "Mister Daud" at one point. Hahahaha... I found it quite amusing!!)
The greatest reward... At the end of today's event, Daud (Badal Syed) Sir called my mother on stage to introduce her to everyone and speak to the audience. When my mother was climbing onto the stage, everyone in the audience spontaneously rose from their seats to honor her and applauded. Seeing this, I couldn't hold back my tears. This was one of the most beautiful scenes in the world to me. What greater honor could there be in a son's life? God has honored me far beyond my worthiness. I offer heartfelt gratitude. Reflecting on this day, I think: just because I stayed alive, I received so much. Simply being alive is something immense. Since I'm alive and life has given me so many bonuses, don't some of those around me deserve a share? Why did I receive all this? What is God's signal in this? Surely I wasn't kept alive just to live alone without touching anyone else's life!
Now I'm sharing a different kind of feedback. I discovered this in my inbox this morning. Reading this feedback truly overwhelmed me. No one has ever written to me like this before. After reading it, I was dazed for a while. This also settled it for me—the time has come to change myself. If I alter how I express myself, it will benefit many people. I don't usually spend much time preparing before going to career talks. I simply say what I believe, what I accept as truth (and whatever comes to mind at the moment). That's why many can relate to these words. From now on, I'll need to be more attentive to preparation. I don't know the letter writer. She has never written to me before. Reading her message—her deep respect for her own beliefs and temporary conflict with her own existence, then her attempt to emerge from that, in her own way—profoundly moved me. I respect her wholeheartedly and thank her for giving me this jolt. Friend, I salute you!
You've been able to do and continue doing such things precisely because you're unfamiliar with the torment of being unable to keep deeply personal matters to yourself. Doesn't your heart tremble when you bring your personal conflicts before everyone? Why do you do this? What obligation does everyone have to feel your pain? There are thousands of variations of suffering. Do you do this consciously? If so, why?
Yes, you've guessed correctly—I know what you've done. And I also know that what you're doing isn't right. So please don't put on any pretense. I'm texting you just to say this: "I'm sorry! Forgive me for this lifetime! Just as you have your own separate world, your own deeply personal affairs, so do others. Remember, no one has come into this world to listen to your complaints or tolerate your unwanted actions. I'm telling you—let me be as I am." There shouldn't be any claims or expectations between us! But still, day by day, this situation is taking a disgusting turn. I don't want to take anything from you. The reason is, I don't even have time to discard anything of yours, let alone accept it. (I assume you're exceptionally intelligent and have surely understood what I'm trying to say!) I'm irritated with you—not just irritated, but thoroughly fed up! I want to escape from this torment. There was a time when I was your follower; now I'm not even that. I don't need to follow you. The question of being friends doesn't even arise! Only those who want to succeed in life will be your followers. I don't want success. So I'm no longer your follower, nothing at all. I don't even feel like being angry with you, simply for this reason. After reading this text, please don't take it the wrong way or go around telling people that an adult woman took the initiative to write all this to you (though if you bring this out publicly in its unaltered form, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot). There's no need to reply to this message. I won't like hearing your harsh words. I sincerely wish never to get entangled in mental conflict with you again. Take care.
The funny thing is, after I shared this feedback on my wall, some amusing comments came in. After that, I've moved somewhat away from my earlier thinking. No! This is exactly how I'll teach everyone to live. I'm sharing some of the comments.
Chowdhury Nixon: There's nothing to change about yourself based on someone's feedback, brother. If a woman doesn't like your presentation style, that's not your fault, because everyone else likes it. Rather, it would have been gracious if she had taken responsibility for not liking it herself. Why should we spread our own pettiness? But reading the post, it seemed somewhat like a personal grievance!!
Dear writer... some people's deeply personal conflicts become stepping stones to dream fulfillment for others. No one goes to gatherings to take responsibility for feeling pain, nor should they. Those who go, go to overcome the conflict. If you understand that taking a turn exactly at this point in your life will save you from falling into trouble like Sushant brother, then someone else's life conflict becomes a lesson. If someone goes for that reason, why are you speaking to them like that, brother? I myself have never gone to gatherings, not because I had the time or opportunity—simply because I didn't have the opportunity. But believe me, I too want to succeed in life! (I'm also in a cadre job myself.)
Well, why did you speak like that, sister? Do you know the pain of being unemployed? Have you ever eaten bread-banana from the footpath while unemployed, then come to a friend's house and eaten biryani? Have you ever had to say while going to job interviews... the next job will definitely work out, father! Have you ever avoided relatives just to escape the label of 'unemployed'?! Didn't you see Sushant brother's responsibility for showing dreams to so many young people?
You only saw the burden of personal suffering!!??
Nipa Roy: Sachin Tendulkar recently published a book called 'Playing It My Way.' Just like the title of that book, I want to say, "Brother, play it in your way. No need to change." Besides, everyone has the freedom to express themselves in their own way. If someone doesn't like it, let them step away. Everyone else is enjoying it.
Ahmed Ishmam: My dear emotional sister, just tell us how many you have motivated, how many times they told you that they would not give up only because of your help.
Hasina Johora: Your struggles, your words—they don't belong to you alone... When we hear your words, we feel as though we're listening to the story of our own lives, hearing the very thoughts of our own hearts... That's why you never seem like a stranger to us. Listening to your stories, we learn to hope for light in our darkness-shrouded lives. You are great, which is why you share the stories of your life with us, even if it means diminishing yourself. Thank you for expressing yourself this way. Why should you change??!!
(Someone in inbox): Brother, can't you see that some people want to turn you into their personal property? Are your personal struggles merely personal? Aren't they largely universal? Don't these words touch everyone around you? Doesn't everyone think anew about themselves after your seminars? Then why would you withdraw into yourself after coming so far? In no way, under no circumstances, never.
I pay my respects to the distinguished journalist and poet Abul Momen Sir for gracing our program as chief guest and giving us his time, and I sincerely thank everyone at the Rotary Club for organizing such a beautiful career gathering for some people searching for their dreams.
Final words. Tolstoy asked, what does man live by? I say, man lives by love.
I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me and say, "Because of you, I didn't give up."