Waiting for a name...

My darling,

I want to begin without any preface. Because I don't have time for introductions. Most likely, I've already reached the conclusion.

I called you mine. Did that make you smile? Go ahead, laugh. Laughter is good for the heart.

I miss you terribly, you know? I want to come back to you, sit together over evening tea. You make quite good tea, with those two tea bags... ha ha...

I desperately want to rest my head on your shoulder and ramble about nothing, to complain about you to your own face. I feel like fighting with you, remembering the exact dates of all those times I sulked before.

Can I rest my head on your shoulder? Will you let me? Will you let me hold your hand? You won't scold me, will you? I know you have your office, family, children... I know all that. Don't give me those excuses anymore. You've given them four years—did I ever say anything? Just give me one afternoon, please!

I have so many stories saved up. Won't you listen? That day, only I will talk... you'll just listen. Okay... that's final!

Oh no, I'm already starting to feel embarrassed! Can I really say all these things? Can I say even one word looking into your eyes? The way I blurt out this and that in seconds over messenger—can I speak like that face to face? I don't know.

Will you really come? But you must bring me bangles! I won't hear any of that "bangles will break coming from so far"—I'm telling you now! You have to bring bangles and vermillion! You know I love those things.

I've seen a tea shop in Old Dhaka, very beautiful. Lots of plants around it. You love plants—I remember.

Hey, will you really come? After four years, we'll meet! Just thinking about it makes my whole body tremble! I can hardly believe it; I feel like jumping off the roof with joy...

I know you won't come. It's better that you don't. As always, your decision is right this time too. I accept it—your calculations, your logic are all correct. Do you remember the college where we read Haimanti's story? Tell me, if Haimanti were alive today, could she have been a heroine? Would any of us have recognized Haimanti? Nobody valued Haimanti while she was alive!

Sometimes I too want to be a story's heroine. Perhaps Haimanti's name wasn't really Haimanti—maybe they gave her that beautiful name after death. If I weren't here, would you write a story about me too? What name would you give me? Give me a beautiful name... will you?