Unearned Penance

  
 Don't love me — but don't shroud me either
 in the pretense of love. I cannot reach you
 past the barricades of your indifference and scorn.
  
 There are plenty who stab me, leave me bleeding.
 Plenty who pull me close yet feel nothing within.
 Among all these, I have never found
 anyone who understands what love means.
  
 People who demand explanations for tears shed
 in longing for love, who pierce my silent devotion
 with their frowns — I see them
 the moment I open my eyes.
 I cannot trust their laughter.
  
 Many are there to cast me aside, to wound me.
 But none to pull me close with tenderness and love.
 Look into my eyes —
 there is no lie there, no pretense...
 I'm not asking for pity, I'm asking for a little shelter.
  
 A room where I can sit when I'm tired,
 where I can eat a morsel when hungry,
 where no one will ever turn me away,
 where stepping into the courtyard I'll find
 a pair of waiting eyes,
 where love received brings heaven down to earth,
 where I can sleep without hesitation when sleep comes...
 I'm asking you for such a room. Won't you give it?
  
 I am desperately hungry for love, but that doesn't mean
 you should show me love when your heart feels none,
 don't bring tenderness to your lips while your eyes stay cold...
 I plead with you, don't drown me anymore in oceans of illusion!
  
 When illusion breaks, it hurts terribly, makes me want to weep in anguish.
 I cannot bear such sorrow, I can't take it anymore...
 Don't tell me lies of "I love you," don't bind me with false affection.
 Better to cast me aside, the way the others do.
  
 These days I recoil when I hear talk of love.
 I feel as if someone wants to tear my heart apart!
 Perhaps there's no love left in me, only the hunger for love.
  
 If someday all faith in love truly dies,
 where will I go then?
 How will I go on living?
 I don't know how to wrap myself in hatred's cloak,
 and no one lets me keep love's cloak either.
 Tell me, where will I go?
  
 Perhaps I'm still paying some debt from a past life,
 I have no cloak at all... neither of love nor of hatred.
 When will I be free from this nakedness?
 How much more penance must I do before penance is done?