Trying to Be Yours

Behula — no, that isn't me.
I never even glimpsed Sati!
I could never become Savitri.
But if I had to bring you back from death's door,
the battle I would need to wage — that fight
I have mastered very well indeed.
Don't you worry so!

I love you — perhaps I never said it quite that way.
I never wanted to define love!
I've found no blindness in loving, even now!
But if loving you meant offering myself completely
at your feet, surrendering all that I am to you alone,
then the kind of love it would take to love you so —
that much love I have learned to give you very well!

Even when I had the chance, I could never come close.
What it means to come close — I didn't understand that either, truly!
How to break through shyness once you're near — I still don't know!
But if I had to surrender my whole self within you,
to give you that much closeness, that shelter in this heart,
I have managed to come that near very well indeed!

Somehow the distance lingered, I couldn't make it fade.
Thumbing my nose at distance, crossing that bridge to reach you — it never happened!
Yes, perhaps I couldn't quite present myself on this stage of separation,
but to touch your heart, to make exactly the kind
of peace treaty with distance that I needed to make —
that duty I have fulfilled brilliantly, I truly have!

I still haven't become any beloved guest at your door.
I haven't even made myself a charming hostess to enchant you.
I couldn't make the guest-hall sparkle, couldn't present myself
as alluring through some new or novel hospitality.
But to welcome you with dignity through my own
simple, familiar warmth,
to be exactly as hospitable as I needed to be —
in that practice, I truly left not the smallest gap unfilled!