Transformation

There was a time when I desperately needed at least one person, at least one, utterly close to me.
But then I couldn't find even one soul to call my own, not even that much.
Even to say "I am not well" — I searched a thousand times but couldn't find one person who was truly mine.
When I wanted to cry in the darkness of night, I found no one to hold me while I wept.
My phone balance expired unused, the validity ran out! Still, I couldn't find one person worth calling or texting.

But yes, I did find some inhuman beings.
And in return for their inhumanity toward me, I gifted them my humanity.
That same me now tries constantly to become "that... at least one person" for so many others.
I do it from the heart. I do it with joy. I do it with love.

The person I never found — I try to be that person for everyone.
The pain I once learned to swallow regularly until I grew accustomed to it,
when that same pain visits someone else now, I try desperately to uproot it completely...
even if it diminishes me... I do it!

I want at least someone to be well, to live well.
If I can't be useful or helpful to anyone, at least let me cause no harm.
Let me at least be that one person for someone left alone
who can hold them close while they cry in the night's darkness!
At least let someone be purified by their own tears and live anew!

And as a result of all this, I have now learned to cry quite spontaneously, all alone.
While searching for "at least one person who is truly mine," I have completely lost myself.
Though I haven't fully learned to live alone now,
I have learned to cry completely alone, hidden from everyone.

But you know what? Now I have so many people!
Yet now I have no desire left to search for any of them.

Now I dwell in my solitude,
yet somehow it feels like no dwelling at all!
Now I survive fighting alone,
yet somehow it feels like no survival at all!