Touch-Bound Soliloquy

Until the very moment before you held me close that final time,
everything felt so ordinary.
I had already accepted—from this moment on
we would never speak again.
There was no reason left to ask you to stay with me.
Believe me, when you embraced me for the last time,
just before that moment, the emptiness
that seized my chest, I had accepted it like fate.
That I could love you this much—
I might never have known,
if I hadn't been able to bury myself
deep in your heart for that one moment!

I long desperately to come to you.
I want to slip inside your chest,
and just reaching to touch your body
my heart bleeds with restlessness.

Without the scent of your body
no feeling of love stirs within me.
Nowhere else have I found
that life-giving touch of peace.

I can never say goodbye to you!
If one day you yourself
sink into the busyness of forgetting me—
from that day I will no longer
let my existence crowd around you.

How will you know I've forgotten you?
That forgetting you is impossible—
don't you know?

If you don't make me understand, I understand nothing.
Like dawn's sickness crushed by sorrow on empty wings,
without you my feelings' conversation will stop forever.
Even now in sleep's haze I search
for that familiar city of our imagination.

Even today my heart says you loved me every moment.
Among all the calculations and pointless crowds, if
just once by mistake I could hear
my pet name in your familiar voice!

Even today the pain grows sometimes under your rule—
the wound I sought you again and again to heal,
in this pitiful dwelling of the dead.

At the very beginning of feeling I placed you there—
I myself never realized it!
Why can't I accept—you are mine yet not mine!
Everything I have has revolved around you.
Don't go away like this anymore, do you hear?

The inside of my chest had become yours...
the day I looked into your eyes
and froze—
how can I forget that?

Even now so many unspoken words remain!
Come, at the end of this chapter
let us two stay together... forever.

In deep prayer I have wanted only you—
even beyond the final edge of fulfillment,
on this lonely path I have made you my own
in the spell of all my feelings.

I had told you, "I love you"—
the day among thousands of dead memories
breathless, wailing, I stopped in your embrace.

Even dwelling in all of my resentment
you never knew why we two
have stopped like this in the whim of our own existence!

You waited,
yet didn't understand—in touch's performance I was only yours!

I know it's gotten very late—
but can't we just once more, just once
stay like this?

I have carefully hidden myself from you each day.
This time don't you disappear.
After crossing so much distance
I have found you today!

Just once...
will you come to me?
Take me there,
where one can live on your love alone?

Let the stars sleep,
but let thoughts of you keep me awake.

Let the wind at news of your coming touch
my disheveled hair.
Today I'll be able to tell you...?

Let death come near,
let time stop—
but come just once...
at the end of my feeling let me touch you.

On the path where I wanted to remain stuck—
on that very path, within the bounds of your gaze
let my return happen a thousand times.

In the missing emotion of your words
however much I dwell—
more than that, stay beside me!

However many times this heart speaks of us,
I've let dreams break even more times!

However many times I stop at your sighs,
even more times I remain
in the spell of your eyes.

Listening close to your breath I've heard—
you've told me again and again, "I love you."

In our distance, in your resentment,
in my waiting, in unspoken feelings—
guard our happy moments,
never ask to know how much I am yours!

On the path where I found you—
even losing your way on that same path, call me.
But never ask to know
how destitute I am in the moment
of drowning in your breath!

Everything I have, I've dedicated to you.
In this life, I can never forget your feelings.

Come...
reducing the distance,
at the end let's bind together our unexpressed emotions.

Let the waiting for unspoken words end in love's watch.

In your touch alone let my love remain captive!