Torment Counter-torment

Believe me, I never wanted to die by my own hand.
Tell me, what fool would want to leave this beautiful world?
But ever since I've been watching you
die bit by bit before my eyes, beloved,
believe me, my own will to live
has been ebbing away.

You loved eating mangoes so much, I remember.
I hear you can barely manage two meals a day now;
you were never one to take money from others,
so I'm thinking I'll quit teaching school.
I don't want money anymore.
When I can't help you with even two pennies,
why should I keep this job?

They say you suffer from breathing troubles these days—
after hearing this, must I still draw breath?

Many people, they say, lecture you
about your current situation,
so I've decided, rightly or wrongly,
I too will only listen to everyone,
and never speak my mind to anyone again.

I heard that for some reckless acts
you've been jailed,
and they even beat you there!
Now I must endure this too?
Does falling in love then mean
crossing every boundary of endurance?

I pray you'll be released soon.
After you get out,
I'll either kill you or myself.
Your gasping, clinging life, and
my dying while living as I watch—
let this end now!