In your writing
I don’t find only myself, sparrow, there are others there too………sparrow!
The scent of false words in the chanting of busyness,/ your false busyness is stealing my life!
False busyness?
Have you eaten?
I won’t eat, I’ll quarrel with food.
Why?
I feel like it,
that’s why. Today I want to give
priority to my desires.
Should I feed you?
No. You’ll feed me
this time, and then when I’m waiting
on the path, you’ll say,
I’m leaving! So I don’t need to
change that habit. How is everyone at home?
………………………………………………………………………
Darling, I’m going crazy listening to ghazals! I’m making a list
of ghazals. Good ghazals.
Why?
Because I enjoy
listening to them, that’s why.
This sudden fondness!
Have you had
dinner?
Good night.
I’ll eat.
Will you fall asleep,
sleep fairy?
I’m getting very
angry.
Why, precious darling? Listen to music.
I won’t say. Don’t call me by
all these names. Only call me by the name you don’t call anyone else.
Darling, I don’t call anyone by special names. Don’t
misunderstand, darling.
Nothing’s……….working
for me.
What’s not working?
………………………………………….
Good morning,
princess. Where are you?
I really am missing you!
Good morning.
Are you avoiding me?
Don’t you think you’re confusing
avoiding with sulking? Okay, fine!
Such sulking!
Perhaps it wasn’t right
for me to express it. But so be it! Everything will happen, just no outward expression will remain!
Do you think I can’t
understand anything? A foolish little sparrow!
Can you really?
Yes. I have
many sulks of my own!
My sulks are
poisonous. Every time I try, they
drag and cling and hold on tight. My sulks are like man-eaters, or even more frightening! They’re love-eaters!……..You
can sulk. I haven’t forbidden it. I know how to handle it.
Alright. Just
never leave me.
I want to become your habit.
Why is leaving even coming up? When people have headaches,
do they cut off their heads?
Isssssss!
When I sulk,
I’ll make up for it.
Hmm. Have you eaten?
But there’s nothing
wrong with being afraid of leaving, even though it
won’t make any difference to you.
You mean, you’re going?
I’ll eat later. Have you
eaten? How’s everyone at home?
It’s because it matters
that I’ve told you not to go! I’ll eat.
Fighting with you.
Stubborn! You’re even slow to sign in, you stay online,
yet still.
There’s a meeting today.
I’m going to Rangpur. I don’t stay online, just keep
my data on all the time.
I think
some fairy must be
telling you love stories then! When will you be back? Go carefully.
I don’t have any fairy.
Maybe you don’t,
but does the heart want to accept that,
tell me?
Don’t you trust
me?
I do. This isn’t
distrust.
It doesn’t want to accept,
I see.
It’s fear.
And people are afraid
only of what’s dear to them, not
of what they don’t care about.
I’m falling in love with you
bit by bit………..hmm, that’s right.
Even if you love me
a tiny bit, to me it will take the shape of a circle. Understand.
When will you return
to Dhaka?
My mother is unwell.
I’ll go in a few days.
What’s wrong with her?………I’ll understand. I’m going to shower. I’ll ping you later.
But sometimes
I want to ask foolish questions like an idiot, and you’ll tell me…….okay………dry your hair properly. In this heat, if water stays in your hair you’ll catch cold.
What if you were the one drying it?
If I were doing it, I’d use
my sari’s edge. I wouldn’t keep a towel around!
I know.
The reason for this
is…….after you wipe your hair or hands on my sari’s edge, every time that wet edge touches me,
you’d be letting me know you’re there, even when you’re not! You’re getting
late.
Go……….go……….go………go…………go………….go……..go!!!!!!!!
I’ll wrap the scent
of your hair around my body.
I’ll wake you from sleep
by wetting your face and neck with my wet hair. Now go!
Issssssh!
You’re getting late,
gooooooo…….
I’ll break my fast
with deep kisses from you. And I’ll give you…….
Go now! When will
you leave?
I don’t want to
let go!
No! I’ll get your clothes
ready in the room, okay? The ones you’ll wear to go out. And I’ll make
your tea ready.
Give a gentle tug
with your teeth on the hair on my chest!
Mmmmm no!
Go away!!!! Don’t be naughty. Or I’ll bite your ear!
Hey! In a meeting?
You’re in Rangpur? What are you doing?
Yes. Can’t
breathe.
What are you doing online in a meeting,
huh?
Missing you
so much!
Tsk!
What’s my fault!
No problem!
Stay put. I hate the sin, not the sinner.
Will you give me your chest?
What will you do?
Breathe in the scent
of the valley.
You’ll be able to come out
then!
I’ll go deeper in!
Everything will freeze
like heaps of snow……
Let it freeze!
I’ll climb those two little hills.
You’ve become quite
the tease, haven’t you?
Why?????
Is the meeting over?
Mmm. Have you eaten,
darling?
No! Have you eaten? When will you return?
Why haven’t you eaten?
I’m coming back. Please eat something.
Come back safely. I’ll eat
later!
Why?
Hey,
listen………..
Mmm.
Laugh a little!
I’m laughing.
It feels like I haven’t seen
that laugh in ages! Laugh out loud, what they call
a hearty laugh!
Mmm, I’m making sounds.
You’re laughing with
“mmm mmm” sounds?
When you come close,
everything will happen, whatever you want!
I don’t want anything,
dear! Even if you laugh from afar,
there’ll be no end to what I gain!
You don’t love me yet,
do you?
I have my doubts.
After this, you might just say in reply……..well, I’m leaving………I won’t stop you!
Is it my duty
to stop you then?
You think of it as duty!
When there’s love, it’s not duty, it becomes responsibility. So I understand, this isn’t love!
Just something, perhaps!
Whatever understanding
brings you peace!
Won’t you give me comfort
then? Though I can’t say this
loudly! I can’t say this to you forcefully!
Alright, take your time.
Just as one can possess
one’s own things completely, if I could possess you
like that, then I’d think about it.
Love without passion won’t work for me. I don’t want you as property, I want you exactly like treasure. This is my failing.
Maybe there’s no love in me!
I want all of you—
mind, body.
Hahahaha……….you crazy
one!
Why are you laughing?
Is this how a lover
speaks?
Are you throwing
disdain at me?
No! It’s shyness,
my shyness.
Even with me?
It goes without saying. I get terribly shy.
I see.
If I act crazy with you,
what will you do then?
If I talk and talk and
really annoy you, what will you say then?
I’ll caress my little
weaver bird.
Hmm.
Oh…….good evening. How would you look in the light of evening lamps? Surely very sacred. It would seem as if God himself dwells within you!
Ah, what a lovely
rain-washed evening! What are you doing?
Is it necessary to be
doing something?
Have you had tea?
What are you doing?
Just sitting.
And?
Thinking about you a
little.
What are you thinking?
You are my particular
you. That’s it.
I’m not such a particular
you to you, that in that ‘you’ there’s no one else but me.
Meaning, you’ve kept me as optional?
Is that clear from what
I said?
Say it straight.
Is it right for you to say
such things, sparrow? I don’t speak in riddles.
I’ll talk on the phone.
Everyone in the house is
sitting together.
All right.
Give me some time. And
listen……..
When will I get my weaver
bird alone? Tell me.
I can’t even stay alone! The sparrow is always around now.
Me too!
I feel like being jealous
and selfish about you.
Come on! No need to
pretend!
I’ve always been possessive in this regard! I’m not pretending, that’s why I’m burning! Let me see if I can become something genuine by burning like this!
You can stay without
worry about me.
Can worries about beloved
things ever end?
Sweet weaver bird, I want
to hear your voice!
My voice isn’t that sweet…….but yours seems to have too much sweetness.
I don’t want to hear your voice because it’s sweet, I want to hear it because it’s yours. Weaver bird!
Have you had dinner?
I’ll have soup. Have you
eaten?
Yes, I ate.
What are you doing?
Sitting with Grandma
watching serials.
I see.
What are you up to?
Send me a pic,
let me have a look.
Won’t you watch the game today?
Yes.
Which team do you
like?
Brazil. You?
Me too. Pinch me!
Mwah! Where shall I
kiss you?
Nowhere!
Why?
How can I give it
so easily, tell me!
You won’t? Alright then.
Hey, listen to me
first………
Tell me, my little bird!
My……….look,
I have nothing to do, so I’m
just twiddling my thumbs.
You don’t need to work,
I’m here for you!
The internet’s slow,
that’s why it takes time
when I send anything.
Music is my first
love. Shall I send you a ghazal I love? Will you listen?
Mmm.
Why does my little bird’s
mood turn sour when I send videos?
Just because.
Tell me.
What?
Why did you cry?
To keep my eyelids
fresh. What’s this?
A funny video.
Shall I dedicate one to you?
Where did you find
this funny video?
Let me share 10 pieces
of love with you, how about that?
Farida Khanum’s voice
in “Aaj jaane ki zid na karo”
Nayyara Noor’s voice
in “Ae jazba-e-dil gar main chaahun”
Asrar’s voice in
“Tere ishq ki inteha chahta hun”
Ali Zafar’s voice in
“Koi umeed bar nahin aati”
Suraiya’s “Yeh na thi
hamari qismat”
Anita Singhvi’s voice
in “Rang-e-pairahan ka aur khushbu-e-zulf-e-rehan ka naam”
Asif Mehdi’s voice
in “Suna hai log usse aankh”
Habib Wali
Muhammad’s voice in “Marne ki dua kyun maango”
Ahmed Jahanzeb’s
voice in “Aap ki yaad aati rahi raat bhar”
Fauzia Arshi’s voice
in “Hasti apni khubsurati kisi hai”
……………………………………………………………………
I’ve been immersed in
ghazals these past couple of days. How sweet, how divine they are!
Yes. I’ll listen to them
too then.
Yes, little bird. Do you love me?
Who did you
make that list for?…………..won’t say, I suppose
Mine! Come on, tell me who you made it for?
For no one,
but I’m dedicating it to you.
I don’t understand these games,
dear! When did you make it????
Just now! Nothing to do,
what else should I do? I love you!
Love me!! When did
you make it? Hey, are you watching the game?
Yes. When did you
make that video on your wall?
Did you check the time?
How many days ago?
3 days.
I see. Who did you
make it for?
I didn’t make it
for anyone.
Alright. Hey!
Yes, what is it.
Nothing. I’ll
talk to you tonight.
Mom and I sleep together.
Should I sleep alone?
Yes.
Okay.
You don’t care.
Good night.
Hey…………okay.
You can’t stand me anymore! Good night.
Don’t talk nonsense.
Am I talking nonsense, or are you?
Think what you want!
Should I cry now?
Or just go crazy
like this?
When did you make those
TikTok videos and for whom? Boyfriend?
Oh God!! Good
night again.
I can’t stand
lies.
Listen, I don’t lie. And when you don’t feel
this way anymore, remember me.
I’m leaving.
Who filmed
this video?
Mom. In the room. These
are on an app, you can collect
the songs from there. Musical.
I’m getting angry.
Why?
I don’t know.
Oh no! Don’t be like this,
sweetie. What have I done?
Don’t play with
my emotions!
This is getting too much
though……..
I really feel like
crying. I’m falling in love with you. But you’re just having fun!
Hey, which part are you calling fun? What you’re doing now isn’t fun either, is it?
I don’t show
fake emotions.
I’m fake,
is that it?
Don’t twist my words.
Amazing! How is this
twisting words? And why are you even
saying this? What have I done?
I don’t know.
If I say that poets
are universal, you’ll get even more
upset!
I’m feeling
restless.
Baby, calm down a bit! Why is this happening? You were fine just now!
Oh!
Alright, I won’t show you any more TikTok videos! Promise!
Sorry. Why are you saying
sorry again? Look at me.
I don’t know why
I’m saying it.
What’s wrong,
sparrow?
I love you!
Do you really
love me?
Yes.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Then why are you
restless?
Are you having fun with me?
Why are you fighting
with me? If you say one more time
that I’m having fun, I’ll kill you! There’s no one else to
fight with. Are you being silly?
I can’t quite
get hold of you!
Meaning?
Don’t do this,
please! I’m feeling
uncomfortable.
I’m not saying anything
false. I swear!
I’m not saying even once
that you’re lying. I was actually stunned. I mean, the fact that you’re talking to me—I can’t even believe it!
What does that mean?
I’m still reeling.
You with me, I mean, this conversation with you. Don’t be quiet
now…………where are you going? Hey! Fine! Do whatever
you’re doing.
Watching the game.
I wasn’t online anyway.
Hey! No! Okay then.
Not sleepy?
No!
Call me.
How can I?
Why is Mom next to you????
Who else would I
sleep with then?
Me.
You scolded me.
I won’t stay with you. Won’t sleep.
Okay. Good
night.
Okay. Good
night!
Who are you talking to?
When will you sleep?
I’m lying down. I’m
thirsty.
Drink some water.
No.
Why?
I’m thirsty,
but if I go drink water
again…….
You’ll need to pee,
right?
How did you know?
Just felt like it. Come,
let me put you to sleep. Come to
my chest.
Will you tell me
a story about kings and queens? Then I’ll come.
Mm-hmm.
I’ll have braids in my hair,
and you’ll part them for me.
Mmm.
And you’ll tell me
stories…….
I will.
And I’ll stroke your
chin gently, and then……..then while you’re telling me……..I’ll fall asleep. Ahh, what peace
just thinking about it!
I can give you so much
tender care.
I’m so starved of affection.
I’ll give it to you.
Only you will.
Yes.
Alright.
From gentle touches to
deeper caresses.
Ohhhh
nooo! Your words are making me even more thirsty for water. Wait, let me go drink some.
Quench your thirst on my
lips instead.
That’s not a bad idea.
Then?
That’s intoxicating!
No, it’s love.
Then why are your lips
so intoxicating?
Because I’m the one
who’s thirsty!
No way, that’s me!
Fine, both of us then.
Let it be!
Give me your tongue in
my mouth.
Ohh, I’m getting
shy!
Should I take your shyness
away then?
Noooo!
Can I kiss you there?
Nooooo!
I will.
Nooooooo!
………………………….
Good morning,
baby.
Good afternoon.
Ah, such beautiful songs on your wall!
Hey, have you eaten? How’s everyone at home?
You can’t even imagine
how swamped with work I was, baby. Now I’m heading to Saidpur Airport. Going to
Jessore.
I have. Have you
eaten? When will you be back? Going for pleasure or work?
Sunday. Work.
Be careful though!
Should I get on the
plane and hand you the pilot’s phone?
Yes! That would actually
be better!
Will you be my ‘tu’?
Mmm.
Why is ‘tui’ sweeter
than ‘tumi,’ tell me?
Will you stay by my side
forever?
When you call me ‘tui’
I get shivers.
Will you keep me close
till death?
Do you know what I
asked you?
Even if I’m born again as a human in lives beyond death, I want to remain your ‘you’ in those lives too.
Will you listen to everything I say?
What? Will you keep me?
I will.
Hmm.
When will we meet?
I want to right now!
You won’t answer, will you?
Tell me why my words disappear like this when they reach you?
When are we meeting?
Let me come to Dhaka first.
When will you come?????????
It’ll be delayed for some time.
Okay.
How many days??????
I don’t know. Whichever day Mother says, that day. It all depends on Mother.
Okay. Where are you now?
Hey listen!
Yes.
Do you really truly love me?
Yes.
Just saying yes won’t do. You have to say it all.
I love.
Whom?
Babui.
Okay.
Who do you love?
Let this remain unanswered.
Tell me.
If I tell you, what about this mole on my cheek?
I already am!
Then be that!
Who do you love?
Drop this, won’t you!
I won’t.
Please!
No. Tell me!
………………………………………
Have you reached?
Dhaka Airport.
When will you go to Jessore?
At 7:40.
Have something to eat.
I’ve eaten. Have you?
Yes.
What did you have?
Sandwich and tea.
Okay.
What are you doing?
………………………………….
Hey! Where are you? Have you eaten?
At home. Lots of guests.
At home meaning?
Weren’t you supposed to go to Jessore?
I’m there. Talking with everyone.
A dawn that brings no greetings from you, even if they were false—such a dawn feels incomplete! You know, my dear, that part of you that used to lean against my heart and stay close… these days it seems so distant! Still, time doesn’t pause. New dawns keep coming, just like today! Good morning……….
Those greetings are false? Good morning, love.
Why do you look so restless? Are you alright?
A little. I’ve come home, doing some work.
I see.
Are you doing well?
Alhamdulillah!
Have you eaten this morning?
I have. Don’t be troubled, God will make everything right.
As long as you’re well, I’ll be well.
I am touching you—
Sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon,
Sometimes in the evening……
Sometimes in sleep, sometimes awake,
Sometimes in drowsiness……..
In body, in mind, in veins and arteries,
I am touching only you, always you.
And how could I not be well in that place?
Keep touching,
I’ll stay wrapped in you!
……….You’ve written so beautifully!
I feel this way so intensely these days! It’s not that I’ve been loving you for a very long time.
Then?
Now I think perhaps a single moment is enough to fall in love!
Maybe just to have your love…..
I have trampled over the wildflowers of many loves.
I’ve kept myself safe from so many yearning glances.
Just to receive your touch……
I never touched the tender petals of kash flowers.
Just to drown in the depths of your eyes…….
Even after the long drought ended, I didn’t let myself get wet in the rain.
I don’t really know how to express matters of the heart. But don’t misunderstand me, little sparrow.
I didn’t know you from before either. I fell in love suddenly. The deeper love came later.
Hey, boy! Have the guests left?
They’re staying today. Hey, girl!
Hmm. What are you doing? Have you eaten?
I’m breathing. And each time I breathe, I feel you. I’ll eat later.
Have you bathed?
Hey, listen………..
Tell me!
One day you and
I will become seagulls, wrapped
wing to wing.
And then?
Frolicking in the water
in white misted dawn,
in the cold of dewdrops
the two of us, alone,
will get drenched in silence.
When will we frolic
in the water??
At the end of some
spring.
Ah!
Hey, listen…
will you float with me through clouds and water for a lifetime?
Yes, if you want.
It depends on wanting!
Then the whole thing becomes so half-hearted that you’ll wade into the water for me,
and I’ll just dip my finger
in!
………………………………………
Darling, I love you!
Come then, let’s stack
hand upon hand to make a pyramid,
with fierce kisses
let’s build the Great Wall of China.
In the union of four eyes
let another Hanging Garden of Babylon be born.
Heart hidden within heart,
let’s build the Taj Mahal,
let the world become
the red dot on my forehead.
Come, in love let’s become the eighth wonder!!
What if you disappear
on purpose?
What if you drive me away
in the dead of night?
Why would I?
Even if you did! Why would
I go!
Really?
Yes, love!
You’ll stay inside my heart?
Where? What happened? Hey!
Mm.
I’m hurting.
How are you?
Why are you hurting?
Where were you?
What happened?
Nothing.
Tell me the truth!
You weren’t there.
What lie did I tell!
You haven’t been here since
yesterday. Will you return to Dhaka tomorrow? What’s wrong?
Yes, I wasn’t there. Who would I stay for!
I’m returning to Saidpur
from Dhaka.
Everyone’s busy
with their own work.
The plane will take off
in a moment. You weren’t there.
Why Saidpur again?
Online after arriving,
but no reply.
Saidpur airport.
I was about to leave right now.
Would’ve logged out, then your call came.
Did you eat this morning? Well, wherever
you are, take care of yourself and
stay safe. Call when you’re free. Coming.
………………………………………………………….
Are you very busy?
Very?
No! You’re the one
who’s busy!
I’ve been waiting since
yesterday. Don’t you understand anything? Hey!
Who you’re waiting
for—that’s what I can’t
understand!
Meaning?
Silent all day,
surrounded by noise,
yet it feels like no one’s
around, just me alone, silence touching me, tears welling up for no reason—does this ever happen to you too?
Who for, you mean??
Do you feel
me?
Yes.
No, not at all! I’m not your habit. Take your time,
but don’t keep me only
in your imagination.
Well, why do you think I’m making it all up???
Not making up. Just somehow
hazy. You’re not mine! There’s that scent in the air.
Aren’t you interested in this
relationship?
I’m not very
clever, but I’m very simple. Within simplicity
there’s also some strength. I don’t know what’s happening to me.
I’m also quite
simple myself, very straightforward.
How does it
feel……..
What happens inside me
because of you—if only you knew!
Oh! If only I could
tell you……..
Little bird, where are you, darling?
I’m in every hair
on your chest. Any problem?
You’re in my hair,
so why can’t I feel you,
tell me?
You’ve started sweating.
Your pores are filled with salty sweat. I’m slipping in that sweat, that’s why you can’t feel me. But this salty water
doesn’t taste bad at all!
Why don’t you lick it
with your tongue, little bird!
I’ve been doing that
for ages, and you never felt it once! You didn’t even take the option of talking to me in your mind! I asked so many times! Alas, still nothing worked out!