1. You can certainly discuss, critique, even speculate about what kinds of people appeal to someone, what various people find likable—but that Facebook-bred affection or aversion rarely, if ever, aligns with reality. That is to say, even if you infer from someone's Facebook presence what they are actually like in the real world, precious little of it will match the truth of their existence.
If someone speaks or writes about the harms of drinking, or spends all day sharing related videos, it certainly doesn't mean they themselves don't drink. Some people engage in precisely this behavior to camouflage their own drinking habits. I've seen countless conmen flood their Facebook walls with religious maxims all day long. I've known someone who robbed me blind constantly stirring the pot on Facebook about morality and ethics. There is no shortage of hypocrites on Facebook. It is impossible to arrive at any true judgment about someone based on their Facebook activity.
Most people in our country still take this Facebook business seriously. Truly adorable! They take it most seriously when it comes to those who write on Facebook—they treat their words as synonymous with the person's actual life. For the majority, this is simply the habit of the mind. I've observed that through Facebook posts, an entire class of people's minds can be played with, delicately manipulated. They don't even realize their own minds are being roasted and fed to them like green chilies and onions. Yet, in my view, playing with their minds is exactly what should happen. Those who hand over their minds to others deserve to have others take that opportunity to toy with them—and this is perfectly natural.
2. We talk endlessly about intellectual pursuit and proper education, yet ultimately we prize appearance and dress far more highly. We speak to a small child far less about knowledge, propriety, or spiritual education than we do about clothes, about luxury goods. We ceaselessly instill in them fears about marriage prospects if their skin tone darkens, or lecture them about how stubbled beards are more 'hot' than a clean shave. By raising them this way, we reach a certain age and discover our own child has become just like so many others—utterly "superficial." And then we begin to lament: why has my child turned out this way?
Whatever I myself do, whatever I embody, will inevitably cast its shadow on my child in some form. If I myself spend all day talking about how to be handsome or discussing jewelry, my child will hardly grow into another Tagore or Einstein.
3. A person is truly revealed when they are angry or hungry. Only the most cunning among us remain guarded at such moments.
4. I have noticed that the greatest social malady of our time is the 'gift'. How many kinds of gifts you give your dear friend, how expensive they are—this is how your love for them is measured. Yet it is entirely possible that on your beloved's birthday, you have not a rupee in your pocket. Some people even sell their own gold to attend a relative's wedding! For to present no gift before everyone at a wedding or birthday celebration has become, in society's eyes, a grave and shameful transgression. Why must there be an occasion at all? A gift given out of genuine love can be offered at any moment. Or should I not give a gift simply because I love someone? If one lacks even that freedom of choice, then the love itself becomes meaningless. If you have no money that particular day, surely you can buy something another time and give it then! What, you say you cannot? How much longer will this psychological cruelty—inflicted upon oneself and others in the name of gifts—continue? Those who believe that the bigger the gift, the bigger the person, are among the most foolish of our kind. Some people even calculate their celebrations in advance: spend this much money, and that much will come back. What a peculiar and sickly way of thinking! Twenty or twenty-five years ago, I'm told, the custom was to give good books—whatever one could afford—as gifts at weddings and birthdays. I wait for that practice to return, for an end to come to this strange display of love done for show. The best thing of all is to expect no gift from anyone. Such expectations gradually diminish a person's self-respect. Those who organize celebrations while expecting gifts are not so different in spirit from a beggar on the street.
5. We claim to live in the age of science, so we force our children to study it, as if each one might become a Stephen Hawking. Yet the child might have been meant to be a Tagore. Never mind—Tagore himself was quite accomplished in scientific inquiry. There is no conflict between science and literature, not at all! If we kept this in mind while raising our children, it would be far better.
6. Cooking is such an extraordinary art, I have heard—some have even compared it to making cinema. And yet we do not look at the cooking itself; we obsess instead over the 'gender' of the person behind the stove. Whether they are a woman or a man becomes what seems to matter most! If a man cooks well, we say, 'What business has a man in the kitchen!' And if a woman does, we say, 'Oh, you've already learned to cook? Then I suppose your studies will have to be abandoned!'
And yet 'cooking' itself is such a magnificent art that whether it emerges from a woman's hands or a man's makes no difference whatsoever to truly good food. Gender has no place in cooking; what matters is a pair of hands and an infinite love for the craft.
7. 'Before I die, I want to see my grandchildren's faces.' I know no better example to illustrate the terrible weight of expectation. Perhaps a child has no desire to marry, or even if married, no desire to bear children—yet even such a child has had the burden of expectation thrust upon their shoulders by parents, all in the name of love. Parents have forced their children across generations to swallow this 'poison' called marriage. Our parents were forced to follow this rule by their parents, their parents by theirs, and so on, backward through the ages.
And yet, not seeing grandchildren's faces harms nothing—it is only when you insist on seeing them that everything turns bitter. The hopeful thing is that many in our generation seem unlikely to perpetuate this expectation of grandchildren anymore.
If there were no parental expectation, no need to prove one's 'fertility' before society, many would have chosen to remain childless. Raising children demands both wealth and effort.
If the question 'Why would anyone choose to be childless without some problem?' churns in your mind, then I have some words for you.
One. The thought of becoming a parent may not be the only heavenly thought for everyone. We often forget that learning to accept different ways of thinking is what makes us human. For some, the choice not to bear children feels entirely natural and comfortable. For others, it is the most rational and significant decision of their lives. Many marriages remain 'trapped' simply because of this. Two people could have lived well together had this burden not chained them in invisible coercion. I have seen many people live happy and successful lives after divorce.
Two. No one believes anymore that 'a child must be created from one's own seed or born from one's own womb.' Ask around if you don't believe me. Don't be startled by what you learn! This world is not your father's estate, that everyone living in it must think and live according to your wishes.
Three. 'We two will become three.' This idea seems beautiful to many only in films; they don't actually want it for themselves! Why should you say anything about them? If your heart desires it, why don't you build a few football teams in your own house—who's stopping you?
Four. Long ago, some people acquired the courage not to prove their 'physical prowess' to society. Those who harbour the desire to prove nothing at all to society—they are the ones who can truly savour life beautifully.
Your thoughts, your views, your path—all are splendid, just like mine. When you come near me and try to draw me toward your path, your face reminds me of that street vendor's expression... Come, see our automobile, inspect our wares! Or that tiresome fellow with the tyres who ran some dubious company—didn't he? Destiny Two-Thousand Limited, remember? That one who tried to peddle his rotten, worthless outfit to anyone fool enough to listen? You and those hawkers are cut from the same cloth! Anything forced upon us, anything thrust upon us relentlessly—it always leaves a bad taste.
People don't try to draw others toward their beautiful wife, yet they wish to draw the entire world toward their supposedly 'excellent' views and paths, even though both are equally personal possessions. Whatever is personal should remain personal—whether it be faith or disbelief.
Eight. Many women find great comfort in introducing an accomplished and celebrated man as their lover or husband. Some of them even absorb their partner's success as though it were their own! When the husband becomes an associate professor, the eighth-pass wife suddenly becomes a professor herself. Yet women cannot tolerate a female friend with such qualities; many find their friend's fame intolerable. A woman must remain beneath, never equal—this is the principle many women live by.
The opposite occurs among men. Men generally accept an intelligent woman only with great difficulty, and that suffices for them. A girlfriend or wife who has gained fame they simply refuse to accept. Yet on the other hand, many men have no qualms readily claiming a newfound celebrity—some mere acquaintance—as their friend.
Nine. We believe that philosophy means my thought on a subject is the final word—there is nothing beyond it. Yet in philosophy, the beginning or the end is itself relative. The truth is this: philosophy means that in the tunnel where I have begun my journey, there may well be a hundred other ways of thinking. Those hundred thoughts may branch into a thousand variations each. Many cannot bear the notion that their philosophy is not philosophy at all, but merely stubbornness.
10. Man can never keep himself from comparing—no matter how he wishes to abandon the practice, comparison continues within his mind. He compares either between one or more people, or between himself and a specific person, or with himself alone. Generally, man cannot cease comparing altogether; what he can do is diminish it. He ventures into comparison and multiplies his own suffering. Those who can rest content with what they possess—they alone taste true happiness.
11. It seems to me that there is no such thing as 'perfect' in this world. It is merely a word in the dictionary. Yet there are many things in this world that come 'close to perfect,' and the measure of their perfection depends entirely upon the eyes with which a person sees.
12. Most people who learn to count money during their student years cease to be truly human—they are lost. In nearly every case, the cause is greed. During those years, we rarely have a clear understanding of what greed is or how one might remain free of it. At that age, some sell away all their potential and time for large sums of money or other desires. In truth, a firm grasp on life is not fully formed at that stage. One observes students who abandon their studies to tutor others, earning lakhs of rupees, only to stop there. Had they pursued their education properly, they might have accomplished far greater things. Most do not understand this at the time. Yet tutoring is undoubtedly a remarkable pursuit, provided the tutoring student knows when and how much to stop. Moderation is essential here.
Let me tell you how wonderful tutoring is. Teaching students is the only work in the world where one can plainly see the student giving money to the teacher in exchange for knowledge—yet what goes unseen is that the teacher, while receiving payment, is constantly learning something from the student's studies and life. Yes, there is truly much to be learned from students.
13. During the time of Covid-nineteen, many people of great promise were swallowed by despair. Various studies have suggested that 2020 was the most abominable year to have come since the creation of the world.
Many squandered the lockdown period in the most miserable ways. Yet the matter seemed entirely different to me. While one group of people was lost in these difficult times, another group awakened the potential within themselves. Someone who took up painting discovered in their old age that it was their true passion—a passion buried so deep beneath life's demands that they had forgotten it entirely. Many found paradise in their kitchens while cooking, others poured all their joy into jewels of their own making. I noticed that Corona did not only take away; it also opened boundless opportunities for discovery—opportunities that not everyone was able to seize.
14. After a friend's breakup, you cannot make them see reality in any way. For the sake of friendship, you must speak in a way that suits their mind. You must say things that are not merely lies, but outright deceptions dressed up as solid justification for treachery!
After a breakup, most people want to prove themselves right. No one wants to admit that the fault lay with both of them, or with themselves alone. If you try to make your friend understand after the breakup with lines like, 'What happened was for the best,' or 'You had a hand in it too,' chances are you'll become their enemy. They want their friend to laugh along about their ex, to hurl mockery and twisted comments. And this kind of crude behavior expected from a friend in times of trouble—we call it 'standing by someone.' Whoever does these rotten things and stands by is what many of us call a 'best friend.'
Those who call someone a best friend for supporting their wrongs and indulging their baseless emotions—they themselves, in time, lose faith in friendship, and cannot even be a good friend to anyone else.
I am skeptical of the purity of love in those who speak ill of their ex themselves, or allow others to do so.
15. In marriage, there is as much need for transparency as there is need for the maturity to accept it. Transparency means that unpleasant truths will come to the surface. If one lacks the capacity to accept these truths, then naturally, for the sake of maintaining peace in the relationship, transparency itself will disappear. The one who cannot accept the truth will convince themselves that living in lies is their only destiny. In such cases, a spirit of friendly understanding between husband and wife works wonders. If they can become friends to each other, then the exchange of feelings and truth between them becomes far easier and more spontaneous. Both must make concessions, both must accept and accommodate. Both carry their limitations; if they are to live side by side, they must learn to bear with these. Before asking 'Why is he not the way I want him to be?', one must first ask, 'Am I the way he wants me to be?' The secret to sustaining any relationship lies in accepting a person as they are.