One. Do you know what all I ate today without you?
Butter naan and chicken tandoori, chicken soup, spiced chickpeas, piping hot beguni, spinach fritters—all so crispy and crunchy. Then salad, watermelon, dates, and later steaming hot coffee—original American Nescafe Gold, strong. I ate all of this without you!
I never told you—it was my darling nephew's birthday, the piece of my heart. We all dressed up and went to their house for a cozy family party. I wore a sari—georgette, with a belt. Sparkling eyeshadow and blue kajal, lips painted deep maroon with glossy lipgloss... you know, the kind that shimmers. I let my hair fall loose over one shoulder. The sari was lemon-colored with purple flowers and leaf patterns printed all over it.
You would have loved how I looked, I know. I took quite a few pictures, but...
One thing. You forget me, and I'll go too.
I'll go for now. Tomorrow I'll remind you again...
...to forget me.
P.S. I had a huge slice of cake... your favorite too—chocolate flavor.
Two. All these rains,
all these streams of water,
meaningless now.
What shall I do with these streams?
I was never like this before,
I never knew
that rain could be watched sitting by the window,
that handfuls of rain-news could be recorded and sent to you.
This restlessness of my birds—
these birds never got my affection before!
I was just their keeper,
you were the one who made me their loving caretaker.
I know you love birds so much,
they're fluttering in this stormy wind,
I understand; yet
I don't go near them!
Basabi is so incomplete... without Bhaskor.
Though Bhaskor has already said it—
trouble starts when you ask for more than life offers—
the same goes for literature.
This is how Bhaskor saves himself from the burden of expectations from his own writing...
and hasn't stopped writing.
My days are still filled with you,
all your favorite books,
all your beloved writers... everything you have,
all their literary works are now objects of my devotion.
I read,
touch and examine them,
arrange the books right in front of me,
even got the writing bug...
because of your absence.
When you find the person you love,
you gain nothing else in life.
Tell me, my sudden stopping,
my vanishing,
became quite the drama, and
nothing changed in your way of living?
Doesn't your peaceful life feel any anxiety or absence?
Maybe it doesn't!
Busyness is a wonderful thing—
it saves people,
lets them forget,
keeps them asleep during the time of grief.
Only suddenly... one night, perhaps it will rain,
that day your heart will yearn terribly for my crazy words,
the storytelling with photographs will come back again and again... you'll see!
That me who sang tunefully and tunelessly, bringing joy from nowhere,
and her desperate wanting to have you close—
perhaps that day they'll want to hurt you deeply.
But I won't let that day come into these strange hours of mine,
instead of burying my heart's words, I celebrate them
...every single day.
Then they lose their power to cause pain,
rather they join my celebration,
becoming friends who stay by my side.
Three. Listen... hey dream!
Listen! Do you know how I gave myself a gift this Eid and kept myself distracted?
A collection of ten novels by your beloved Humayun Ahmed... such beautiful titles that I just had to buy them.
If love brings no happiness... hee hee hee... what novels are there?
Don't turn your face away and run now... hey, wait a bit, listen to the titles. Each title is a key to an imaginary world. I just read the name of each novel and get lost in my own made-up stories. Look here... you'll get lost yourself...
"You Called Me for a Holiday"...
There! I'm lost again!
That time when you called me? When will you call again...?
Oh no, oh no! Dropping all the books from my lap and getting lost in my imaginary land...
Alright, coming back... coming back... coming back...
"Eyes"
...melting away,
"My Dearest"
...there, now I'm starting to write you a letter in my mind, oh my!
"I Have Water"
...ha ha ha... I remember Bidya Sinha Mim dancing and singing this song. I remember conversations with Zahid Hasan... mine too, when I used to walk the ramp. He suddenly started telling his love story—how he met his wife, and how he had to negotiate at home about her modeling, etc., etc....
"A Sorceress"
"Bird, My Lonely Bird"
"Tithi's Blue Towel"
...oh my, my only friend from childhood, Tithi! She herself is a novel. Now I understand, I can adopt her way of surviving now... embracing with both hands, Tithi had my elder brother's signature... she too is victorious, a warrior... oh!
Alright, the next title... "You"! Ya Allah, dream! How many songs I want to sing now... every song has "you" in it!
Stop... stop! Okay! Next one...
"Fairy Drawn in Pencil"
...didn't I show you my sketchbook?
I used to draw portraits in college, of various celebrities. My roommate's younger sister took them all away. Now I think, I could have kept them for myself!
"Nabani"
...no, just the name is beautiful! A girl and her name, that's all!
"The Cloud Said It Will Go"
...during the last lockdown, I sat by the window and caught the very first rainbow right after the first monsoon rain and sent it to you in my cupped hands. I'm amazed at myself—just given time, all the kingdom's treasures can be brought into life to find joy even from the experiences of longing!
Phew! That was close! At least I managed to tell you all the titles!
Alright, I'm going. I've had my coffee, shall I finish the book in my hand?
I'll come back again.
You there,
your chest,
I will come
to rest my head.