The Way to Live

  
 Before you sit down to dissect my character, let me tell you with complete, unambiguous responsibility: my character is not good; at least, not good as far as your understanding of what character means extends—which, from what I've gathered, isn't very far.
 Before you launch into investigations about how much I love you or whether I love you at all, know this: you are not the only person I love or try to love, and this truth has never once created any obstacle in my mind when it comes to loving you.
 Before you raise all your complaints about why I don't give you time, keep this in your head: loving you is not the most urgent task in my life, because this world is still not the kind of simple place where love can be made the most urgent thing of all.
 Before you start gathering information about me from various people, drill this into your brain: you may not be the only person I spend time with, or the only one whose company still makes me want to stay alive today.
 Before you start wondering whose face appears in my poetry, be certain of this: I have never written anything thinking only of you, and the likelihood of such an intellectual accident occurring in the future is extremely slim.
 Before you begin to suspect me, call your mind close and tell it: everything you're thinking is true, none of it is baseless, so there's nothing here to assume wildly or falsely.
 Before you drive yourself mad wondering whether I think of you constantly the way you think of me, let me tell you directly: no, in fact, I think of you only sometimes.
 If you want to know whether I always miss you, or whether your face hangs constantly before my eyes every moment, then know this: neither of these things happens within me.
 Before you exhaust yourself asking whether I think about you and our future together, hear this: I think about you at most until today, no further; because the night's sleep might not break, and keeping this in mind, I go to sleep each night.
 Before you assume you have unrestricted access to my personal life, please stop right now, because I don't even mistakenly think of you in terms of such absolute ownership, nor will I ever, till death.
 If you befriend any of my acquaintances or employ anyone as a spy to keep tabs on me—for whatever reason—then keep in mind, I really don't care much about this.
 If it ever crosses your mind that just because you love me, you have every right to keep me in torment, then I plead with you, step away from there this very moment, because my peace and comfort matter far more to me than your love.
 Before you drown in doubt about whether I'm good or bad as a person, let me relieve you by saying: I'm worse than the worst person you know—you can lodge this thought safely in your mind.
 If you believe that today's love means lifelong love, therefore I am your lifelong property, then explain to yourself with a cool head: no one in this world is a marketable potato or pointed gourd that you can buy and immediately pocket for this lifetime...and even if such potato-humans or gourd-humans exist somewhere in some corner of the world, I am definitely not one of those miraculous human specimens!
  
 Yes, this is how I am. Don't think I'm speaking in such a dismissive tone just because I'm healthy and well right now; if you do think that, then know this: even when my moment of death arrives, I truly have the audacity to die laughing without letting you know.
 Yes, I am such a terrible human being. If you ask me whether I have any other identity or face beyond this, I will say: no, no, and no—accept this as such, and if you cannot, then never come to me again.
 Yes, whether you will cry your heart out when I die or not—I don't want to float away in satisfaction or dissatisfaction thinking about this while I'm alive; rather, I want that in the moments I'm living, I don't have to cry my heart out because of you, because I believe there is nothing after death.
  
 Coming close doesn't mean staying forever.
 Moving away doesn't mean staying away forever.
 Life has only one path—the path that lets you live well while you're alive, lets you keep well.