The Two Sides of Relationships

One. After a while, you'll understand that some relationships shouldn't be named. Some people shouldn't be bound by any ties—rather, they should be set free; set free like wild birds. After their playful dance with clouds across the sky's breast, they'll come down to earth. What peace there is in watching them soar through that open sky! But you know what? They never forget the ground!

After a while, you'll truly understand that what once burned your heart before you had it, you've lost again through your own neglect after having it. Then you'll know what torment lies in gaining only to lose! You'll never be able to calm your mind then. How could you? Can a starved soul ever find rest!

You'll truly understand that it's not remembrance people want, but mindfulness. You'll understand that in time, love rises from words to action, and so finds its truest expression in deeds.

After a while you'll understand that two people entangled in a relationship each bring with them some burden from the past. So for both to be well, either they share each other's burdens, or carry them together.

After a while . . .

Two. You know what the truth is? A relationship is like a butterfly. It needs care, needs to be sheltered with love.

A relationship is tender like a two-day-old child. It needs proper time, needs attention.

Just as weeds, if left uncut, grow over the rose and steal the sunlight that touches the rose, so it is with relationships. When weeds grow in a relationship, everything slowly dies.

You must remember birthdays and wish them right at midnight, show up on anniversaries with a cake to surprise your beloved. On Valentine's Day you must bring a bouquet or a pair of anklets.

You can cook your beloved's favorite kalia or duck curry and hand it to them in a box. You must make them feel special from time to time. Because they're special to you and you're special to them, you're both bound together by an invisible thread, aren't you?

If you stop caring just because you've won them, even the Koh-i-noor in a crown will rust. If you don't wipe your favorite mirror regularly, it gets stained. When you look in that mirror, you see spots and blotches—but look, the stains aren't on your face, they're on the mirror itself. Just wipe the mirror and see—the stains on your face disappear. Because the stains came from dust—from carelessness, from neglect; just like in relationships. If you don't care for your beloved, you won't even see yourself as worthy of happiness.

Sometimes you must come close, hold hands, and sit quietly together. Even with hesitation, you must write "I love you" and send it. While oiling and combing their tangled hair, even looking at their curls you must say: "Did Jibanananda write 'Banalata Sen' after seeing you?"

Truly, you must care. With care, you can make blue lotuses bloom in your courtyard, you can tame hungry tigers without chains.

Sometimes place your hand on their belly and say, "I find comfort resting my head here." Learn to stroke their acne-scarred face and say, "Your face looks like the star-filled sky on a full moon night."

Sometimes you must make them understand they're the finest person in the world, that they're your most precious treasure.

This is how love happens—two people remain close as breath even across a hundred miles. Sometimes like a flower tucked in hair, sometimes like two people sharing one cup of tea when there are dozens of cups in the house.