The Truth You Keep Hidden

Let me venture a guess and see if it rings true!

There's someone in your life right now. Someone who isn't your boyfriend, and you're not his girlfriend either. Yet anyone watching you two would think you're in a relationship, because you both act exactly like a couple.

You call each other baby, babe, darling, sweetheart, love—all those tender names. You go on dates whenever you please, sleep together, and yes, you even have those fierce fights and sulks that couples do. Isn't that right?

It's quite possible that some of your clothes, little belongings, cosmetics, a book or diary or two, that half-eaten Cadbury bar, even your toothbrush—they're all at his place. Am I right?

But yes, you're both still single. Neither of you is in any official relationship. On Facebook and everywhere else, you both maintain single status. What you have between you is entirely unofficial. Nobody knows about any of this. You two don't even know what it is!

Despite not being his girlfriend, you're completely loyal to him. You know you want him. You understand that living without him would cause you pain. No one else in this world can claim even a tiny corner of your heart. You simply cannot imagine life with anyone but him!

You have no doubts about what you think of him, how you feel—but whether he thinks and feels the same way, that leaves you quite uncertain. You two are absolutely perfect for each other, everything between you feels right. But this relationship of yours remains unofficial. Why? What's the problem here? What is he thinking so hard about? These questions trouble you deeply.

Why doesn't he ask you to be his girlfriend? What's his objection to making this relationship official? He often says he's not mentally ready yet. How is that possible? How much more time does a person need to sort everything out?

Could there be others like you in his life? Or perhaps he has these same arrangements with many other girls! Your fights are mainly about his various connections with other women. Then he says, "Is there anything official between us? We're not even together! So why are you creating this drama?" Or, "That girl is just my friend—why are you making such a fuss? Why are you being so narrow-minded?"

Hearing his words, you think, that's right! We're just friends too. And you can do many things with a friend. There's really no difference in status between you and that other girl! It makes perfect sense! You begin to understand where he places you; but your heart refuses to accept it.

And so it continues. Day after day, month after month. Thinking about all this makes you feel sick now. Lately you often feel like you're just wasting time, nothing more. Your mind keeps telling you there's truly no point in staying in this relationship.

Listen, after all this, if he still won't call you his girlfriend officially, won't think of you that way in front of everyone, you can be certain he never will. He'll keep things exactly as they are. Keeping you dangling may not benefit you, but it certainly benefits him. Think about it!

It shouldn't take a man this long to decide whether he wants to keep a woman in his life. At most, it might take a few months of thinking, certainly nothing more. The reason is simple: if a man truly wants you, he would never keep it so hidden, never leave you in such uncertainty. One way or another, he would make you his!

Think about it—he wants to keep you and also wants to stay single. He doesn't want to hold you, but doesn't want to let you go either. He understands everything but refuses to accept that this simply doesn't work. At least not with someone like you. You're not the kind of woman who hangs around like this. You're not the kind who becomes a plaything. Yet this is exactly what he's doing to you. And you're giving him the opportunity.

One day, in fury, you think: Enough! Enough is enough! Now you've decided you'll walk away from this. No more. You've endured enough, waited enough, been humiliated enough. How much longer can this go on! Let it all end, let everything fall apart today. What was never really there—why should breaking it be so difficult!?

One part of you thinks this intensely, while another part wonders: why not wait just a little longer? When I've stayed this long already, why not stay a bit more? What great harm could come from waiting a little longer! He might accept me! He might stay with me for life! He might come back! I might win him over with my love! Abandoning everything, he might come to me forever! Am I being too hasty? What harm could there be in giving him a little more time!?

You think these thoughts and keep on thinking. Why do you think this way? Because you've fallen deeply in love with someone who isn't even yours!...Am I wrong?