The Sulking of Extinguished Light

: You never understood me, even when you touched me... in the riddle of dying light, you belonged only to me. Don't call to me anymore with promises of forgetting memories. I let myself drift in the sway of unfamiliar time, because every moment I think of you!

Think? Or do I not think! Will I never be able to hold you close again?

: But you remain close to me.

: Where will I find the scent of your body, tell me! In the intimate distance of not being able to touch you, I am lonely in the fasting of my feelings. In answering all the questions that surround you, I seem to have found myself. I lose you in the far distance, then collect you like loose change in the cracked chambers of this heart.

The courtyard where your presence made a cluster of white rose petals laugh—even that I feel like tearing apart today. Even the negotiations with myself have become breathless these days, yet in solitude I remember you.

Today I feel terrible remorse—perhaps all the mistakes are mine; I told you daily of my desire to dwell deep in your heart, what harm could come of that?

: Are you sad? Do I always remain in your resentment even today?

: Believe me, I never wanted to keep you in my sadness. I thought my feelings of love would touch you throughout all time. After suffering long with love's ailment, I realized all that wasn't really meant for me.

: Look into my eyes once and say these words!

: Didn't it ever hurt you to leave old habits behind? Oh, I had forgotten—keeping pain close is your gain. You prefer to increase your own numbness around the pulse of your feelings in completeness.

Such difficult work is not for me. I can never become stone like you, emotionless. Why didn't you keep your shell locked in that hard covering that day? Then your breath's restlessness wouldn't have reached my ears, your touch couldn't have merged with this half-dead body's stupor.

My presence seems so inappropriate in the joy of your well-being, I am helpless as you return from my courtyard to yours, yet that pain no longer makes me cry. Now I feel I have truly learned to love you far too much.

However much love you gave, in that my lifelong love awakened.
However much anguish you gave, in that my lifelong separation lies hidden.
However much affection you gave, in that my lifelong fulfillment rests.
However much shelter you gave, in that my lifelong happiness accumulated.
You truly gave me so much—I never asked for more than this in life!