The sorrow of not understanding it all

Many, many years ago,
I went to see an astrologer.
I asked him,
Sir, tell me the worth of this life? What comes of being alive?
He said, I'll tell you, but there's one condition. For life's price, I need some gold coins!
I gave him money, pure gold. Then,
I held out my right hand before his eyes and sought that priceless truth.
He closed his eyes very slowly, and after a while I heard him say,
You will become the richest man on earth, but for that you must wait! Go home, be patient!
I did just that. The decision to leave and wait.


Days turned to years. One after another. Nothing happened to me, I remained in the same condition.
One change did come! My unruly belly grew larger, nothing else.
A few more days passed when suddenly a weaver appeared from somewhere!
I saw his bag full of cloth, his eyes very happy.
In a very curious voice I asked, Do you know any spell for becoming rich? Some secret mantra that no one else knows?
I got the answer, I can give you the spell for becoming rich,
but in exchange you must buy some cloth from me.
Without delay I bought some cloth and said, What is the spell, then?
He laughed and said, What spell? Learn to weave cloth, and sell it to everyone in the world. That's it!
Then he slung his bag over his shoulder and left.
I learned what the spell for becoming rich was, but how to weave cloth—that technique I never learned!


A few more days passed. One day came a poor farmer. He told me he knew the secret of becoming rich, but couldn't put it to use.
Hearing this, I eagerly asked for the reason.
I learned that the poor man had no plow, he needed a plow. With that plow he would cultivate, and gold would grow!
I gave him wood to make a plow and asked to know the technique of growing crops.
He promised he would tell me, but after some days.
At last the day came. He came to me with some grain, and said,
If you can grow grain, then by selling it you'll become rich very easily! The world turns on grain alone!
In exchange for that wood I got his grain, but the technique of growing grain I never learned!
I did get some wealth by selling the grain, but
my fortune still didn't turn! How would I grow new grain?


Some more days passed. One day, meeting a dervish, I asked him the same question.
He was hungry, asked for two morsels of food.
I fed him well and let him rest, thinking
I too will take a little rest meanwhile.
When I woke, the dervish was gone. He had tricked me and left.
I understood that some people are born to deceive, the rest to be deceived.
I learned to mistrust people, as if becoming sinful I was freed from faith!
The burden of faith is too heavy!


I thought, I'll live alone from now on! This city is no longer mine. I'll go to the forest!
I no longer want to be rich, I only want to keep myself hidden.
I was walking toward the forest. Walking and walking, tired, I stopped under a tree and stayed there for some days.
One day a young man came.
This time I didn't ask him anything. He too walked the same path.
The two of us had a fine chat. Just pure conversation, not wanting anything, not getting anything, just conversation!
We laughed a lot in that conversation, we saw each other. Nothing more.
In the midst of this, something happened! When that young man took leave, I bid him farewell without any expectation.
He had nothing to ask of me nor I of him, so the farewell was unburdened and peaceful.


That very day I learned how to become rich!
The young man came and taught me the spell of becoming rich!
I learned that people become rich when they learn to love without hoping to get anything!
Wealth isn't found in riches, only in the mind!
It was as if I held the whole world in my fist! Forgetting self-interest, loving—just this much, that's all!


I learned to love only after bidding farewell to all expectations. People and nature.
The sky, the waterfall, the river, the mountain, the flower and the bird.
With me were the leaves of trees, moonlight, the sun's radiance, the wind's murmur.
All my doubts seemed to vanish! Infinite certainty came and possessed me. I fell in love with everything!
In such a wondrous revolution, circling, somehow I had completely forgotten to love myself!
In that forgetting, trying to love a beast that looked exactly like a human
I lost myself completely! I could no longer love! Today I understand,
through love one can love even beasts, but never a beast that looks like a human!


In love's attendance book, the first name should be one's own!
If you lose yourself first, then who will love the good?