At first I thought, maybe I'm mistaken somewhere, this can't be happening, how is it possible!? The person I'm thinking of, this can't be her. Hey, Ketu's father, look behind you! This time I couldn't bear it anymore, when I turned around to look, I wasn't prepared at all for what I saw! What did I see. I just sat there stunned, I had no strength to say anything. Meanwhile Sir arrived. I somehow composed myself and looked ahead. One by one Sir finished the introductions, told us about class routines, rules and regulations, on the first day instead of teaching from textbooks he spoke about some basic things, gave us knowledge about the environment and circumstances. After two consecutive classes we were dismissed, as soon as I came out I said, you're here?! How? When? With whom? I still can't believe it! Sudha laughed and said, what did you think? That you'd escape from Bolpur and get rid of this trouble? That's not going to happen, I won't let you off so easily. I've come here too to torment you. Hearing these words Sudha seemed quite natural to me, I felt somewhat relieved. In a slightly easier tone I said, how are you, Sudha? Without any preamble of resentment or complaint she said, however I was all these days, from now on I'll be fine. How are you, Sourabh? I wasn't used to hearing such sweet words from her mouth, so it wasn't digesting well. Everything seemed like a daydream somehow. I said softly, yes, fine. So how did you get here? And I didn't hear that you got admitted to Presidency! Sudha laughed and said, all that later, first tell me, how are Auntie, Uncle and Khushbu? I don't see them? They're all fine, they've gone for a walk in a nearby park. They'll be back soon. Come, let's go instead, we'll have a good time! Walking beside Sudha I was having some kind of feeling, such a strange feeling I had never had before. Ma was delighted to see Sudha! Oh, it's Sudha dear! What are you doing here? I don't see anyone else, did you come alone? No, Auntie, I've come to my sister's house. Apu and brother-in-law brought me, Presidency College in Kolkata has quite a reputation, so I got admitted here. You know about Abbu's physical condition, now he can't move around properly. Hmm, I understand. So will you stay with us for a while longer? Shall we chat? Sudha seemed quite happy at this proposal, she agreed before the words were even fully out. We all sat in a circle on the soft green grass, spreading out that day's Anandabazar. Yes, what were you saying, how is your mother's health now? Yes Auntie, she's managing somehow. Ma can't walk around much, she can only walk if someone holds her. She needs regular checkups, medicines. Saying these words in one breath, Sudha seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. A kind of helplessness and melancholy surrounded her. That enchanting face became so pale! I didn't like this conversation. But I didn't say anything, just kept listening. Everything from my beloved's mouth seemed like nectar! Ammu asked again, so did you leave them back in Bolpur? No, on whose care would I leave them there! Here Apu and brother-in-law are there, they look after them somewhat perfunctorily at least...saying this Sudha became quite serious. The matter seemed somewhat confusing to me, I hadn't heard much about Sudha's elder sister, but there had been quite a commotion in our neighborhood after she eloped. She had wanted to marry her brother-in-law out of love, but Auntie and Uncle hadn't agreed then. They didn't like the boy at all after seeing him and talking to him. I had heard he was somewhat of a sly devil type. Her brother-in-law's name was probably Rajib. Khushbu had been listening quietly all this while, seeing Sudha's sad state she blurted out, why Sudhabu? Why should it be perfunctory? Your parents are his parents too, and with all your money why are you all staying with him? Taking a long breath Sudha started speaking again, what can I say, brother-in-law only has love for our money, not for us! That time Abbu suddenly had a stroke, we all panicked and took him to the hospital. Rajib bhai was also with us, twenty minutes before the stroke Abbu was talking to him for the last time; about what, I never found out. When Rajib bhai went to see Abbu in the hospital, Abbu became even more agitated seeing him, he was trying to say something, but then Abbu was in no condition to speak, he couldn't even move his hands and feet. We stayed around Abbu all the time, but whenever Rajib bhai came, he would send us away saying 'the doctor will see him'. I never once saw the doctor examining Abbu! A few days later I saw that Abbu could more or less move his hands and feet, could eat by himself, he kept signaling me to bring him a notebook and pen to write, but Rajib bhai wouldn't let me give them to him at all. Even after returning home he wouldn't leave Abbu alone, now of course Abbu doesn't ask for notebook and pen like before, but I can clearly understand that Abbu despises Rajib bhai intensely. Baba had been listening to Sudha's words all this while; at one point he said, so doesn't your Sumi apu say anything? Doesn't she see any of this? Don't even mention it Uncle, ever since Sumi apu's marriage to Rajib bhai she has somehow changed completely. Rajib bhai is above everything, if he says day is night, Sumi apu believes that too. She doesn't believe the words of Ma-Baba, not even mine, none of us can apparently tolerate her happiness! Saying this Sudha broke down crying! She couldn't hold it in anymore. My entire world seemed to turn upside down, I could feel a stinging pain inside my chest. That Sudha who used to roar like a tigress, from whose eyes sparks of fire would emerge, those eyes now helpless, those eyes tear-soaked! Today all her roaring seemed to have turned into sighs! This Sudha seemed very wrong to me! Ammu consoled Sudha and drew her close. Abbu said, Sudha, you do one thing, take the two of them out for a walk one day in private, they'll like it. Then you can clarify the matter. Life can't go on like this, in the dim fog of suspicion daylight never breaks. I've tried many times, but either Sumi apu or Rajib bhai stays right beside, and they've forbidden us from talking to anyone outside. I'm leaving now, it's gotten quite late! Sourabh, son, go, see her off. We'll wait for you at the station, saying this Ammu, Khushbu and Abbu left. Sudha and I walked slowly ahead. Neither of us spoke. - Have you forgiven me, Sourabh? Suddenly Sudha asked in an anxious voice. - Nonsense, silly girl! Do I need to remember all that? I forgot about it long ago! And I never saw you as a criminal. I rattled off the words with my eyes almost closed. Sudha just laughed seeing my act. - Yes dear, I understand, I understand! You don't need to act so noble. Just because I asked for forgiveness don't think I like you! Saying just this much Sudha burst into giggles. I felt very embarrassed. Even after speaking so beautifully and coherently, Sudha didn't care at all! I had thought maybe she would get emotional and hold my hand saying, Sourabh, I'm truly ashamed, you're such a good-hearted boy! Instead she sang the complete opposite tune! You're quite a mysterious woman, Sudha! That thought, no, I mean...I said it only in my mind! Suddenly someone called from behind, Sudha...! Here's Her Majesty! Where have you been all this time? I've been waiting with the car for so long! Sudha said to me quietly with a grim face, this is Rajib bhai...I saw that the gentleman was well-built, tall and broad, quite handsome indeed. Seeing me he said, who's this young man? Our next door neighbor's cousin brother, we studied together in school. He was a very brilliant student, now he studies at Presidency too, we met by chance today...that Sudha would say such good things about me, the very thought made me shudder! After shaking hands I returned to the station. After coming home my mind remained with Sudha. Today all of Sudha's words seemed somehow suspicious, and I felt terrible for her. I wished I could do some magic to solve all her problems! I couldn't match the Rajib from her description with the Rajib I had seen. The gentleman didn't give me that impression even for a moment. Of course Baba often says, it's very easy to know the creature called human in this world---with eyes closed and with eyes open; if you go beyond these two principles, then even after a lifetime of practice you won't be able to know the creature called human! At one stage of my thoughts Khushbu came in with her owl-face. What brother, what deep thoughts are going on? Has Sudhabu finally made a nest in your brain? Hmm hmm, tell me tell me! Saying this she rolled over laughing. Is it for nothing that I call you an owl, monkey! Your mischief has started again hasn't it? I'll tell Ma everything...today you were the one asking me to find you a boyfriend! Hey look, that won't be good! Don't threaten me over every little thing! Saying this she puffed up her cheeks, looking even sweeter. Oh, my little fairy! I always have some kind of fear about you! Why brother? Why did you say that!? No, just like that. What if some prince comes and takes away my beautiful, sweet sister! Then who will I fight with? Oh brother! You too! I won't get married at all, I'll sit on your neck like a ghost for my whole life! Where are you two monkeys? Come eat! As soon as I woke up in the morning I first remembered Sudha. I really wanted to write and send a good morning text. I wrote it alright, was about to send it too, but what was her phone number? I just couldn't remember...oh no! I never took her phone number! Why would the question of forgetting arise! I thought of her as so close that it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have even this simple phone number! Today I will definitely and absolutely ask for her phone number. Although I can already understand quite well that talking on the first day and asking for a phone number on the second day is not possible for a shy boy like me!
The moment I stepped into college, my eyes began searching for Sudha’s face, and dormant talents started stirring restlessly in my mind…
O Sudha, so many unspoken words,
Songs of separation in my heart’s depths!
You enchantress,
Honey-sweet dark beauty!
Desire awakens in this heart,
O vine of dreams, beloved!
If you would have me,
I would make you my other half!
Damn! Why would she be dark-skinned? Sudha is fair! What a mess! I can’t even compose two proper lines! Looks like I’ll remain a complete fool my entire life!
“Hey there, Sourav-babu, what has you so absorbed?”
“Oh! Sudha! When did you get here?”
“Just about five minutes ago! I was watching you. Where were you floating off to without a boat, huh?”
“Oh, nothing… just like that! There’s still plenty of time before class starts. Let’s go sit under the jarul tree.”
Good lord! What must Sudha think of me! I’m a complete blockhead!
The jarul tree is in bloom, two yellow birds perched there, just like me and Sudha!
“What are those two birds called?”
“Probably some kind of yellow bird or something!”
“Oh dear, these days people don’t even know birds!”
Sudha laughs melodiously; she calls them bou-kotha-kao birds.
“Wow! What a beautiful name. Just like you!”
“What what? I didn’t hear. Say it again.”
“No no, nothing! Come on, let’s go to class.”
Another moment and I would have been done for—escaped this time! I hurried off to class. As I walked away, I heard Sudha saying from behind…
“No no, nothing! What a show-off! I feel like grabbing him and giving him a good shake right now! The rascal, my shy mimosa! Ugh! What I want to do to him! Damn it! It’s annoying! Boring old fool! When will he ever learn to speak properly, who knows!”
Why did I flee from Sudha then! Why didn’t I have the courage to look into her eyes and say, you’re just as beautiful as those two yellow birds, full of love! Perhaps I was afraid of losing her natural companionship. If only I could stay close to her like this forever! Even if she never became the partner of my home, even if her lips never touched my evening cup of coffee, even if we never arranged our dreams together on full moon nights, even if we never painted rainbows together after rain, even if she wore her ankle bells with alta-stained feet all alone—what of it! I’ve fallen in love anyway! Let me treasure at least this much with utmost care!
Sitting in class, these thoughts kept spinning in my head; I had no interest in what the teacher was saying! After class, I didn’t feel like waiting for Sudha anymore—it seemed better if I didn’t see her at all!
“Hey! Where are you running off to? Look behind you once! Oh dear, I’m not asking you to look at me, but you could at least look at your little fairy!”
I was startled! Khushbu? Why is she here at this time?
“Brother, look, I’ve come to get you. Does my baby brother even know how to find his way home alone?”
Both of them burst into laughter like the babbling sound of spring water.
“Your wings have really grown, haven’t they? You cheeky monkey!”
Today too, Khushbu is wearing a sari, glass bangles on her hands, her hair cascading down the curve of her back. My little sister looks absolutely stunning!
“Come on, brother, let’s take Sudha-bu to the mango grove for some puchka!”
“What… you’ll eat without me? Today I’m treating you all, come on everyone!”
I turned around to see Rajib Saheb! I, Khushbu, Sudha—we all stared in amazement!
“Hey brother, who is this? He looks quite handsome!”
“I’ll give you a slap. Speak softly, he’ll hear you. This is Sudha’s brother-in-law, Rajib Saheb.”
“Brother-in-law, you’re here? Since when?!”
“Not very long, so how are you, Sourav-babu? I don’t think I know her!”
“She’s my younger sister, Khushbu.”
“Wonderful, wonderful! There’s quite a resemblance between you siblings, I see. What class are you in?”
“Well, I should be in eighth grade, but I’m a ninth-grade student.”
“I can see you know how to speak quite amusingly. Very good, very good. Come, let me treat you to some puchka.”
We had no choice but to go along. Khushbu was quite pleased. That day, Khushbu and Rajib Saheb met for the first time.
(To be continued…)