The Pull Backward

If you were to die, would you still get that peace you find in the evening, going to Jamal bhai's shop at the corner for tea? Would you still feel that joy of walking hand in hand with your friend or lover along the riverbank at noon? No, you wouldn't.

These are the beautiful anchors that keep us alive. When your mother calls out at night after preparing dinner, "Come, darling, time to eat," and you taste that simple dal and rice cooked by her hands—that contentment that fills you, would you ever feel it again? This is what I mean by anchors.

When I think, "Why not just leave? What's the point of staying?" suddenly it strikes me: "Wait, if I stay alive, maybe someday I'll write something truly good." Something so good it might not even qualify as writing! But when Sushanta Pal writes that piece, he feels like he's crafting the most beautiful thing in the world. When he publishes it on Facebook, he thinks this is the most beautiful writing that has ever existed! When he writes a poem—a poem that turns out to be nothing but hollow nonsense, a mare's egg—perhaps that very poem is what keeps him alive.

I often think: after writing a hundred more poems, maybe just one will deserve to be called poetry, and people will actually call it poetry. That poem hasn't been written yet, but if I stay alive, someday it will be. Yes, I live for that poem. I live for that small piece of writing which, once read, will inspire many people to dream of staying alive. If I die, that writing will never emerge from anyone else's hands. When Sushanta Pal is gone, it will never come through anyone else—it's this greed that keeps me alive. It's this anchor that keeps me alive.

Try to discover the anchors in your life. Once you find them, you too will want to stay alive. The more anchors someone has in their life—whether it's work they love, their beloved's smile, some personal joy, or even some personal longing they're chasing—yes, live even for that! The more beautifully a person can arrange these things in their life, the more they can discover meaning in staying alive. This is how I think.