Thought: Three Hundred Seventy-Nine
……………………………………………
May 26
Such traffic jams,
black smoke,
dust, sand. What’s missing from any other day? Even during a strike!
Strike—this excuse means government vehicles don’t run. Government drivers,
happy drivers. So I come to the office on a three-wheeler. Has hypocrisy become fashionable or what!
What nonsense! Irritating! I want a real strike. I want to get back old Chittagong. During strikes exams get postponed, the country moves backward. Only my beloved childhood city never goes back to childhood anymore.
May 29
I can no longer stay small, I have to keep growing. Day by day. How many big people call and say such big wrong things because I cannot fulfill their wrongful demands! Even to this small person!
Rudely. Yet we are the ones who made them big!
Such pain!
Such!
June 2
In some writing by chartered accountant Buddhadeb Babu I had read,
those who try to fit all the flowers of the world into their own vase
are grocers,
not poets. These past few days, observing myself, I noticed that the grocer-impulse is strong in me, not the poet-impulse. All the beautiful women of the world seem very dear to me. “If the one I love
would love me back, what happiness it would be.”
I can’t remember
who wrote this. But in my case, not happiness—there would be quite a scandal! Every other man’s woman seems beautiful. Lovers too. But does that mean…? What mystery! What enchantment! Thank God for His love of mystery. For now. At least for this moment.
June 3
Not everyone will help you,
that’s not how it is. There are some people who aren’t harming you in any way—that itself is a great favor. Sometimes, in certain cases, even greater than the favors of those who help. Those people need to be kept even happier. Being able to work without hassle is often more important than working with assistance.
June 6
Cigarette prices are rising. Good news. Very good.
It’s better when suffering costs more. Those who live only to smoke cigarettes—
let them live a little longer. Along with everyone else. This much hope. What’s wrong with hoping?
Hope hasn’t been taxed. There isn’t any anyway!
How could it increase!
First, I want you…
May the beloved sometimes find joy in this wanting, from now on.
June 7
Prices—
Bamboo is falling.
Roses are rising.
What do you make of that?
June 9
In your job, before dreaming sweet dreams about your career, make sure your boss isn’t having nightmares about you.
June 9
Why does scolding someone make me feel so wretched? Being scolded doesn’t affect me nearly as much. I need to slap this ridiculous mentality out of myself. I’ve been in service all this time, yet I still haven’t managed to become a complete officer. I’m certain that those I scold don’t feel as terrible as I do. Their willingness to be scolded seems greater than my desire to scold them. When I happen to scold someone unnecessarily, what a state my mind gets into! I spend the entire day feeling miserable. It even happens that some people become quite happy after being scolded. Once they’ve been reprimanded for some minor mistake, they assume they can immediately commit a major blunder without facing any consequences. How do these fellows manage to sleep with such cunning in their heads? I’ll have to be more thoughtful about scolding from now on. I must stop this business of feeling wretched. Sometimes I wonder how I learned to deliver such harsh rebukes. My officers fear me exactly as much as they respect me. I always shield them from any storm. I learned this technique from several of my bosses. How much this small person has to keep in mind while navigating life! I’ve changed so much in just these few days. And I’m still changing.
June 11
Among the women who take the BCS exam, 99% are beautiful. The remaining 1% join the civil service. A beauty quota should be introduced in BCS. Why must everyone have to study?
June 11
Who is the most courageous person?
.
.
.
.
The one who sends marriage proposals using their national ID card photo.
June 13
Every time I have to suppress the urge to use ‘son of a pig’ along with countless other obscenities, I feel angry at my thoroughly formal gentleman appearance and attitude. Digesting abuse and digesting the urge to abuse others—both are equally painful. Gentlemen are truly a helpless species. Whatever the case, though I may be a gentleman on the outside, I harbor quite the rogue within.
June 15
If you’re already late in doing something, the only good excuse you can show why you’re late, is success. Excuses for late failure show only failure. Better to surrender early than to show excuses late. It shows your strength. Your excuses can attract only some others already looking for them. To fail successfully is an art. Every failure leading to success has its own certain time limit. Only success can validate your early mistakes. Late or early, only your result is rewarded, not your efforts.
June 20
Exam grade is a minor indicator of someone’s talent.
~ one of our faculties at IBA, DU
June 22
~ Engineering…. Teaching….
Business…. MBA…. Civil service…. Next? God knows!……. You are changing
tracks too frequently! I despise your lack of respect to the disciplines you
belong to. You are just pathetic, man! I do not like my job, but you see, still
I have not changed my track. I boast of it!
~ Yes, I am, because I have that
capability to show the luxury of not choosing to live the life I never dreamt
of. Now senior, what’s your problem? Your incapability? Or, my capability? (I
felt like asking, You did not change? Or, You just could not change?)
~ What do you want to mean, junior?
~ Respect & be respected. Live
& let live.
June 23
Many possess talent, but in the chaos of disorder and the absence of courage, that talent withers away…….. The path of progress is never smooth. One must navigate it through intelligence alone. During my difficult times, my family was always by my side……. A bad pitch cannot ruin your game. Everything depends on you.
~ Sachin Tendulkar
In this life, while traversing difficult paths, I have drawn the most inspiration from observing the journeys of certain individuals, among whom Sachin stands foremost. My experience has taught me that one cannot approach the greatness of great men without learning to respect and follow their greatness somewhat blindly. I practice this, and while doing so, I leave the burden of dwelling on their dark sides to the critics, who spend their lives in that pursuit. How easy it is to spend one’s life merely in criticism! A responsibility-free existence! Even if I had not loved cricket, his becoming Tendulkar and, most importantly, remaining Tendulkar until the very end—as a human being, as a player—my admiration would not have diminished one bit in either regard. Let my head bow beneath the dust of your feet. Thank you.
June 27
Lately, even after thinking quite smartly at times, I end up acting like an ox. Upon reflection, I notice that an ox-like flavor is gradually creeping into my appearance as well. Acting like an ox is terribly uncomfortable. This discomfort doesn’t fade easily in a day, or even in several days. I must reduce thinking of people as oxen. Even those who genuinely belong to the ox community can no longer be thought of as oxen. Everyone, it seems, is somewhat ox-like in one way or another. Some are more ox-like, some less. At times, everyone is an ox.
Reflection: Three hundred eighty
……………………………………………
June 30
Maa, Happy Birthday to You.
Thank you for what you are.
Thank you for what you are not.
Thank you for what I am.
Thank you for what I am not.
Thank you for making our home
wonderful.
Thank you for being the lady behind
my every success.
Thank you for your soothing smile to
make me forget my day’s tiredness when I return home every evening.
Thank you for tolerating me, my
brother, my father.
Thank you for making me feel at
least one person on earth cares for me.
They say, your mom is next to God. I
say, God is next to my mom. Thank you for being my God.
Who on earth could live if there
were no one to die for? Thank you Maa being that one.
July 1
The word ‘son-afflicted’ should also be in the dictionary.
July 3
If you’re good at something, never
do it for free.
(from The Dark Knight)
Payment comes in many forms. Favour,
Appreciation, Good behaviour, Smile, Affection, Kind words, Empathy, Respect,
Gratitude, even sometimes Beauty-both physical & inner. Make a good reason
why an expert should give you time. Not always you can buy everything with
money. Think, most of the rich people are too poor to buy the most expensive
things on earth. Your own job buys most of the time you could spend with your
family or just with yourself. Then why should you let others buy it for
NOTHING? People who don’t know the art of buying, are nobody. Only nothing is
what a ‘nobody’ deserves.
July 4
How wonderful it is to see a beautiful girl with a helpless expression!
(Feeling mischievous)
July 4
Many call after their BCS viva. Brother, they didn’t ask me anything from such-and-such topics. They kept me in the board for only so many minutes. Out of everything I studied all this time, they didn’t even ask 20 percent of it. And so on and so forth.
Viva exams have no real pattern. Where viva marks matter, I’ve taken such vivas in two places so far: IBA viva and BCS viva. I was in the IBA viva board for 18-20 minutes, in BCS for 4-5 minutes. How long they kept you there, what they asked, what you could answer, what you couldn’t—these matter far less than we imagine. All’s well that ends well. It seems to me that viva is much more subjective than objective. What does our experience tell us? Some people you meet, you have to calculate every word before speaking. Others you see, you feel like giving them a couple of hard slaps. If you can’t, there’s an uncomfortable restlessness. For doing well in vivas, preparedness matters more than preparation. Everyone practices, yet the century still goes to Tendulkar. Whether that day belongs to you is largely determined by your fortune. There are also those “I came, I saw, I conquered” types. What you know matters far less than the impression I form about your knowledge. You will never get a second chance to make the first impression. Some people’s appearance and attitude make you want to ask them the length of the Padma River, while others make you want to hear stories of floating in a boat on Padma’s breast, touching moonlight, or tales of walking hand-in-hand with a lover by Padma’s banks. Or something else entirely—things that require no knowledge to tell, yet can convey everything effortlessly. Those who sit on viva boards are truly much more expert. They understand very well what you’re saying, what you’re hiding. A clever man knows how to cheat, an intelligent man knows how to make others let him cheat.
It’s still not time to say anything. Have patience until the results come out. Don’t start singing just yet, “Hello, is this 24411139……” In this city of lies, let Bela Bose remain in nostalgia a little while longer! (She won’t, brother, I know. Still……. blessed is deceptive hope.)
Oh, and by the way, if anyone’s interested, you can read my Facebook note about viva preparation: “In the Waiting Room of the Dream House.”
Let me see if I can suggest some frequently asked viva questions for you all. If I can prepare them, I’ll post it.
July 11
Two kinds of men get deceived.
One: whose beautiful girlfriend marries another man.
Two: who marries another’s beautiful girlfriend without knowing it.
Tell me, is any beautiful flower truly unsmelled?
July 12
There are certain people who, because they earn well, develop the notion that they have the full right—or have somehow acquired it—to offer unsolicited opinions on any matter, even the personal affairs of others. They often forget, or prefer to forget, that others who earn less than them are quite content with what little they have. Someone’s modest portion might well be abundant to another. It’s not as though the most beautiful things require the most money to buy. Lifestyle is, after all, a matter of personal habits or the lack thereof. No one can set another’s life right. Each person adapts in their own way and lives well. The heat of money burns so hot that it doesn’t even leave them with singed cheeks. Sometimes their hands get burned instead!
I’m reminded of a beloved song of mine. Just like that……
Where is the wealthy man who can buy my dreams? / Where is the color that will blend with my watercolor?
July 16
I knew that good students are rarely gifted. Lately I’m noticing that good students are also rarely intelligent.
July 17
Many people will love you if you are
successful. They will stop when you are not. They love success, not you.
DON’T TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY.
When you are not successful, few
will believe your dreams. You are one of them who do.
Sometimes, YOU WILL BE THE ONLY ONE.
Very few people actually love you,
and you can count them on your fingers. Hold on to them.
~~ Chetan Bhagat
How deeply true these words are!
July 18
One thing I do feel jealous of: Some
people have enough time & energy to criticize others…….. It’s not that
I don’t criticize; I simply can’t. I’m so busy improving myself, always. I wish
I were improved enough like those people who sound to claim to have been that
improved already. Often, criticizing is an art of hiding weakness.
Reflection: Three Hundred Eighty-One
……………………………………………
July 20
I used to think not everyone is beautiful, only some are. Now I see that it’s not that some aren’t beautiful—everyone is beautiful!
July 20
Those who don’t praise your good work but only criticize your bad—whatever else they may be, they are certainly not your well-wishers. They’re definitely not friends. Whether they stay by your side or not makes no difference. The less attention you pay them, the better off you’ll be. Throw out such worthless people. It takes a generous heart to praise. How can someone who has never been praised themselves offer you praise? Stay away from such viruses, stay healthy.
July 22
To walk with the great, one’s own stature must grow great.
July 23
……. just seized 17 kilograms 146
goldbars at Chittagong Airport. One of my biggest achievement as a customs
officer…… FEELING SO MUCH EXCITED!!
July 26
Every writer is a seeker of others’ wives.
July 26
If I hadn’t turned away like that, would you have ever learned to love this way?
July 27
The more time people spend on Facebook,
the lonelier they are. Books, movies, music, writing—
these are all rivals to solitude.
Some people are alone,
hence lonely. Some people are not alone, hence lonely.
July 28
When you lecture a colleague in front of your boss or gossip behind their back, you often forget that no matter how much your boss trusts you, in the end your boss will remain the boss, but your colleague will drift away from you. In such cases, a wise boss usually doesn’t think very highly of you in private. This kind of childishness may be novel to you, but not to him. He’s used to it—that’s why he’s the boss. One can become great by growing oneself; it’s the weak-minded who grow by diminishing others.
July 29
Being sincere about something is far more useful than being serious. Overly serious people make me laugh. Why so serious?! They just talk about doing this, doing that, this must be done, that must be done; in reality, they can’t even lay a rotten egg. They say they’ll kill elephants, kill horses; yet they can’t even kill a mosquito. Such pointless pretension!
Serious people talk with their mouths, sincere people talk with their actions.
August 2
Suchitra Sen. Just a name? No!
What a wonderfully tender feeling it is! One could die just from her gaze
August 2
How much better it would have been to receive pain than to receive nothing at all!
August 3
When can you understand people think
you’re powerful?
……. when people take your
politeness for greatness rather than weakness.
August 4
Another gold recovery at Chittagong Airport!
We’ve just seized 53 goldbars weighing 530 tolas (around 6 kilograms)…..
FEELING EXCITED!!
August 9
Watching Dil Se. Here rain comes
instead of train. With it, a lady in black (ah! my colour), world’s maybe the
shortest love story. Also…. Bla bla bla….. And, the story moves on and
on….. In my life, train comes when I wait for it. Things I wait for, come.
Ah! Anticipated grief in disguise! Always! That’s my life’s tragedy! Also,
mine. Films leave promises & dreams too much, shattering all ours! Dear
writer, Not fair! Not fair!
Thought: Three hundred and eighty-two
……………………………………………
August 12
Some roses bloom just like roses….. Alas!
In someone else’s garden.
August 15
Going to Cox’s Bazar tomorrow. Maheshkhali the day after. Family tour. Any friends around those parts? Could have some good conversation, with coffee.
(If someone offers to buy me coffee, I can never
say ‘no’ again.)
August 16
How beautiful life is!
At Inani.
August 20
Showing excuses is of no use. If we
can, we don’t have to show excuses. If we can’t, nobody will listen to excuses.
Taking the responsibility for both our fortune and misfortune is the secret of
confidence. We earn all our successes. We deserve all our failures.
August 24
Just saw a moment ago, at Bata showroom in Bashundhara, a very cute chubby little kid strumming a guitar and bobbing his head as he sang……
It’s my life….. I pinched his cheek. Sweet little thing!!
Side effect of mixed culture!
Had a good laugh. Hehe…….
August 25
What I desire from the heart
feels larger to me than all the wanting in the world. I’ve always felt a thrill in playing with alternate paths rather than the beaten track. That too is a path. Just because ten people call something wrong doesn’t make it wrong. There are some mistakes whose very absence haunts a lifetime with regret. If we spend our lives merely compromising, when will we ever truly live? Before death catches us, we must live a little, somehow. Life didn’t come to us with a user manual. What’s all this responsibility about, then? Let me be a little experimental, at least!
August 26
Does calling me ugly make you more
beautiful?
August 27
Never underestimate the power of
your actions, gestures, words. Maybe situation will turn so bad that you’ll be
ready to forgive the whole world except yourself. Often we regret later much
more for things we show than things we hide.
August 28
One blind person cannot show the way to another blind person. So avoid unsuccessful people as much as possible. It’s easy to be influenced by them, because failure comes easily. Their philosophy of life is mostly very comforting. Who doesn’t feel good staying with people like themselves, or even more incompetent? Knowing how to challenge yourself is a great art.
‘It’s better to be a follower of the wise on Facebook than to be friends with the incompetent.’ Sometimes you have to cause yourself pain. Self-love is natural to humans. Everyone thinks they look like Shah Rukh Khan. So when your own helplessness makes your very existence questionable, makes you untouchable in everyone’s eyes, when your parents and siblings feel small before relatives, when friends somehow drift away, then in tremendous hurt you want to turn around with everything you have. Life’s needs can make one accustomed even to difficult deaths.
August 29
Many people make a mistake. That is, going to someone very successful to get the formula for success in some other matter. There are many successful people who know little but speak much. They think that being successful in one area gives them the right to give opinions on all matters of the world. What’s the point of asking Bill Gates for ideas about rice and lentil business?
August 30
Speech given by Chetan Bhagat in
Symbiosis…must read…..
“Life is one of those races in
nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your
mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life,
where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it
if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this
spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One thing about nurturing the spark
– don’t take life seriously. Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are
really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we
are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends.
Do we really need to get so worked up?
It’s OK, bunk a few classes, goof up
a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love.
We are people, not programmed
devices…..
Don’t be serious, be sincere.”
August 30
Tomorrow at 2:00 PM,
I have been officially invited by the CSE Department as a guest speaker
for the ‘Career Chat’
session organized for the
‘CUET CSE Festival 2013’.
The one whose career nobody ever thought well of, who didn’t even know himself whether he’d complete his honors, from whom everyone had given up expecting anything
‘good’
at some point—that
‘bad CGPA student’
will tomorrow speak to junior engineers about alternative career planning. Can you imagine!
Let me look back a little. The 2010
ICT Festival was happening. Ex-students from the ’02 batch were telling one by one where they were, what jobs they had. Only I couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t doing what everyone understands as ‘doing something.’ I remember clearly, I said, “I’m trying to do something that counts as doing something worth doing.” At that moment I felt like dying of shame. What embarrassment! Wanting to cry badly
but unable to cry—
this feeling hurts much more. Especially when everyone around wants
me to become something I don’t want to become, then I feel utterly helpless. It’s because I couldn’t accept becoming such a thing that I’ve come to this position today. I used to think,
at the end of the day I have to live with
‘me as I am’,
not with
‘me like everyone else’.
That same me will speak about careers. I’m truly amazed at the teachers’ selection. I am grateful. This one life gives so much!
September 1
Another small gold recovery at
Chittagong Airport.
Number of goldbars: 4, weight 40
tolas
Number of gold chains: 69, weight
410 grams
Feeling proud to be a Customs
officer. Customs rocks!!
September 4
Make yourself indispensable of that
level whom people around cannot avoid, no matter they love you or hate you.
September 6
Women ‘beautiful as poetry’
do not come into poets’ lives.
September 9
Various sections of the bookstore::
–Books you haven’t read.
–Books you don’t need to read.
–Books written for all purposes except reading.
–Books that are read before opening,
because they belong to that category which is read before being written.
–Books you would certainly read if you had multiple lives, but unfortunately your death is imminent.
–Books you want to read but there are actually many other books you must read first.
–Books that are too expensive, so you’ll wait until they come out in paperback.
–Books you can borrow from someone else.
–Books everyone has read, so it’s as if you’ve read them too.
–Books you’ve been planning to read for ages.
–Books you’ve been searching for futilely, year after year.
–Books written on subjects you’re currently working on.
–Books you’d like to own so they might come in handy someday.
–Books you can set aside to read during summer vacation.
–Books you need to read alongside other books in your collection.
–Books that suddenly fill you with inexplicable, unreasonable curiosity.
–Books you read long ago and need to read again now.
–Books you’ve always pretended to have read, and now it’s time to actually
read them.
–Italo Calvino
(In G.H. Habib’s translation)
Don’t those who frequent bookshops
have similar experiences?
Thought: Three hundred eighty-three
……………………………………………
September 13
Once again I watched
The Lost Melody.
Once again I see,
I light the lamp.
I watch movies,
I eat puffed rice. What else is there in life?
September 16
Sushanta, go, go far away and eat your puffed rice.
September 17
Girls are either less beautiful or more beautiful. And boys are good,
bad, or ugly.
~ GMC Sir, IBA,
DU
Seriously!! Hehe…..
September 17
I’m heartbroken to hear
the girl is almost-married.
September 18
Home means a house wrapped in shade
Opening the door, stepping into the courtyard
Home means I’ll return in a hurry
Home means remembering you
Home means field after field
Sunlight stretching its legs along the ridge
Broken stone steps by the pond’s edge
I’ve cooked rice,
won’t you come for a bath?
Home means when evening descends
We’ll sit side by side, the lamp lit
In the silent neighbourhood,
after eight has chimed
We’ll hear the train’s whistle from afar
Home means through the entire night
A love deeper than sleep
Home means filling your two eyes
And gathering up the dreams
Home means all these little things
Home means from sky to earth
On one side the path,
the wearisome walking
At the path’s end,
home means—
you.
—————————————————
(Home—Mandakranta Sen)
I haven’t found a more beautiful poem about home anywhere.
September 26
I see that the wicked ones are doing well.
September 27
In honour of Ma Durga’s arrival, demonic battalions have emerged in every neighbourhood to collect extortion money. Terror under the pretext of worship. These thuggish drunkard ‘local boys’ understand neither religion nor duty. God resides in devotion, not in ostentation.
September 28
Some sleepless nights are more blissful than sleep…….
September 29
Waiting……. to look.
Anticipating……. to see.
October 2
Death’s moments are spent in misunderstandings, in life’s dreams. Sometimes I think, if I weren’t what I am, what would everything around me be like! Or, if everything around me weren’t exactly as it is, what would I myself be like!
I am perhaps no longer myself these days.
October 5
I don’t want to be a critic; rather, I want to be at the centre of criticism.
October 5
Sometimes relationship is the magic
of distance.
October 6
The most beautiful girls are the
ones you are yet to meet.
(It’s just a status. Soliloquy? No
way!)
October 9
Let the one who wants to leave, leave. If they never return, consider that they were never yours. If they come back again, then…….
why use words when you have hands!?
October 10
Finished collecting all the movies from the IMDB Top 250 list. Mission accomplished!
……. feeling rich
October 10
I’ve noticed that
difficult things don’t trouble us as much
as those simple things that have been made complicated. Some people cannot accept the simple as simple.
October 10
What is happiness?
Coming home.
What is home?
Where your beloved ones wait for your return.
I came home. My mind painted with festival colors. My body carrying the rhythm of celebration.
October 12
You thought
this was just a game.
I thought
this was life itself!
This very misunderstanding created the distance between us.
October 12
At the office. Even on this holiday!
I should have been at Ramakrishna Mission. With friends. As always. I haven’t seen this autumn festival’s colors spread so vibrantly anywhere else in this city. Old friends are reunited; new friendships bloom. Life reveals itself in conversation. And there’s something more…
No attainment,
but the hope of attainment in all its fullness. The joy of puja is truly in the puja itself;
not in the office,
not at home,
not in any foreign land.
Perhaps Jibanananda had said, “There is no
pure job in this world.” Absolutely right!
When I get a job, I long to be unemployed again.
October 12
Sometimes proximity increases the distance in certain relationships. Being far is painful;
but drifting away is even more painful. It’s better to live with no feelings at all than to live with dulled ones. But alas!
One cannot live that way. So feelings keep growing dull,
keep growing dull,
keep growing dull…
every moment!
Of course, life doesn’t stop;
it just sometimes comes to a halt!!
October 13
Everything must follow the boundaries of logic
—- this notion is illogical. Love doesn’t run on logic; some relationships survive by thumbing their nose at reason. How much of the bridge between expectation and fulfillment is really built on logic!
Most logic contains either selfishness or self-interest. The universality of logical structures is therefore questionable. Life’s accounts don’t all balance,
so all responsibility falls on the Creator—this one-dimensional understanding of existence is death itself. I believe
spiritual liberation occurs precisely when logic becomes helpless before inner consciousness.
October 14
House full of guests. Working myself to exhaustion. If only I had a younger sister, things would be so much better.
Getting both a wife and a maid seems like a tough task!
October 15
How are the days passing?
The days? Oh yes!
Well, they’re passing…
they do pass.
Very busy these days?
Oh no!
Does anyone really stay busy?
Mostly it’s just an act of being busy. There’s always time enough to live a little properly!
October 16
Watched again…..
Sagarika. Saptapadi.
These days I no longer wish to be victorious, I wish to be a lover. The victory of love is more enchanting than love for victory.
October 16
Spent a day steeped in Uttam Kumar.
Sagarika. Saptapadi. Shuno Baranari. Nayak.
Good grief! So many, many advantages to being alive. One can watch movies,
read books, write, listen to music. Something or other is always to be found.
So, I’ll keep on living anyway.
October 19
Happiness is……
When guests come home, offering hospitality with everything within one’s means
October 19
Happiness is……
Getting on the nerves of loved ones;
for now, Mother,
little brother. Father is such a wonderfully calm person,
doesn’t get ruffled in the least.
October 19
Happiness is……
Listening to Rabindranath’s songs while thinking, these words were written just for me to contemplate.
October 19
I have become
the most disobedient student
of CUET and IBA. No one has ever made such successful use of the grading system as I have. Ha! I’ve received every single grade that exists.
(Only, unfortunately, I’ve yet to manage an F at IBA.)
Feeling alphabetically accomplished……
October 19
Batighara bookshop in Chittagong is my most favorite place. I don’t exactly
‘go there’
so much as ‘I have to go there,
out of necessity for living.’
What lengths people go to just to stay alive a little! I, at least, go to bookshops. The greatest advantage of living in Chittagong is
being able to go to Batighara. Listen to how the lamp in my heart’s chamber flared up with a sudden brightness just before going out,
there in that lighthouse of books.
October 20
If I worked even ten percent as hard as the number of greetings I receive at the office daily, I wouldn’t be in such turmoil.
October 20
Happiness is……..
Sitting in the cool breeze listening to romantic songs on YouTube to one’s heart’s content;
while sipping from a coffee mug.
Melody in the steam,
steam in the melody. Ah!
October 20
Happiness is……
Getting immense joy from thoroughly annoying someone who gets all sentimental and moody.
Thought: Three hundred eighty-four
……………………………………………
October 22
Sushanta, one must stop speaking—or at least speak less—with those whose company brings only disquiet. This must be done properly. To survive and live well, one needn’t acknowledge everyone.
October 24
Manna Dey. A sorcerer of voice. Bengal’s treasured soul. Bangladesh’s truest friend. I have spent countless moments of joy and sorrow in his intimate presence. How many times have I sought peace in his songs!
He taught me that beyond “eat, drink and be merry,” there exists another life—of simple joys, straightforward truths, of ruminating over beautiful moments; he extended a melodic invitation to the world’s festival of bliss. My towering, senseless pride is perpetually crushed to dust in the face of his greatness. The gaps left unfilled in this everyday survival—he was the one who could complete them, and today he has departed for that land of no return. Some people, to live forever, need not remain alive forever. His unique, priceless gift to music will endure eternally in legendary excellence. Rest well in that quiet realm, O great artist. All your words, when all other words fall asleep in silent contentment, will still spread across mind, soul, and heart;
always.
October 27
Having received so much, I wonder:
of all that I had ever wanted,
if not everything,
at least much of it—the beginning of this receiving could have been different, and that would have been better. If I begin again now, after much time passes, won’t this beginning seem meaningless compared to yet another seemingly meaningful start? Does “beginning” then have only beginnings?
No end?
Or is death
the end of “beginning”?
October 28
Walking with closed eyes through a dust storm is perilous enough, but far more painful is when I see the storm has ended, yet simply because I never began walking, the path that so many others have traversed remains uncrossed by me. Beginning is the hardest part. If the phoenix metaphor doesn’t seem too much of an exaggeration, then it could be said that like this bird, our dreams die and are reborn again and again. Dreams sometimes break, but they don’t drift away and vanish. At times, my very existence feels like that of a guest. I long to sing of this very darkness in which I’m submerged. The weary “I” within rebels, and I consciously stop it.
October 30
Sitting with Ma, watching Indrani. Ma’s observation: in this movie, Uttam Kumar is wearing more kohl than Suchitra Sen. Hehe……. Ma notices such things!!
October 31
Happiness is…….
Checking the Facebook wall of someone I’m quite fond of, again and again, for no reason at all;
most of the time without letting them know.
October 31
Happiness is…….
Grinning foolishly for no reason at the thought that another country respects my own country
November 1
In our society, men have three kinds of identity. So-and-so’s son. So-and-so. So-and-so’s father. At different stages of life, these three identities alternate. If this transition doesn’t happen properly, a man’s masculinity begins to wane.
November 7
SMALL MINDS care about SMALL THINGS.
November 13
Watched Schindler’s List.
Watching Saving Private Ryan.
Spielberg, hats off boss! It’s really great to be great! Everyone dies, but not everyone really lives. Great to live only when died remembered!!
November 15
Dear ladies, take care of your man,
or someone else will.
Dear gentlemen, take care of your
woman, or someone else will.
Nature does not like a vacuum.
November 16
If you’re too cheap, you pay more in
the long run.
from the movie, Yojimbo
(now watching it)
November 17
Crocodiles in the water,
tigers on land.
Boss at the office,
wife at home.
O earth!
Split open,
I’m climbing a tree!
……. dedicated to the married friends
November 18
Never judge a person by his/her
facebook account.
November 19
You’re not perfect, sport. And let
me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the
question is, whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole
deal. That’s what intimacy is all about.
~ from the movie, Good Will Hunting
November 21
Congratulating those who are joining our civil service.
Doesn’t it feel wonderful when you succeed?
Doesn’t life seem so beautiful?
Don’t you feel good about everything?
You don’t even feel bad telling stories about all your old failures!
What immense good fortune it is to be able to speak contentedly about your own weaknesses!
How easily you want to forgive all misfortunes! With so much confidence, you can stand before the world and shout,
Look here! I have not lost!
What a wonderful feeling of contentment!
When you succeed, you don’t need to say much — success speaks for itself. When you succeed, you don’t need to do much — success does it for you. One success can give birth to many successes. How it feels to succeed — this can only be understood by succeeding.
November 22
No matter how educated you become, women must shape themselves according to their husband’s household.
~ Uttam Kumar in Stri
November 23
What does money do? What does it do for anyone? A limit — after reaching the minimum threshold of respectability, what does money do for anyone? Apart from squandering surplus money in the noble way of gifting it to loved ones, there’s no point in having money beyond necessity. I’ve thought about this a great deal. One’s own needs will never be fully met. There’s no end to needs. The more you increase them, the more they grow. Rather than that, by keeping one’s own needs limited and being able to do something for those we love — that fills the heart with joy.
~ Buddhadeb Guha, Holud Boshonto
Reading it. Exquisite!
November 23
Making personal attacks and posting nonsensical comments on someone’s Facebook status is a sign of an unhealthy mentality. Stay away from such sick people, keep your own mental health sound.
November 25
A survey has shown,
according to nurses,
the 5 regrets people most often have
on their deathbeds:
1. If only I had lived a little more for myself, not just for others!
2. I could have worked a little less!
3. If only I hadn’t hidden my feelings so much within myself!
4. If I had spent a little more time with friends!
5. I wish I had done more of the things
I enjoyed doing!
Come, let us live a little more fully,
without regrets,
even before death arrives.
November 30
Happiness is…….
Playing music at full volume and dancing with the room’s doors and windows closed.
December 2
Watched All About Eve. All the typical behaviors that women display are in this movie. Women are women! They’ll never change. They whine and complain, and they will continue to do so. When not allowed to, they give you those catty looks — and they will continue to look that way. Why?
The only reason:
because they’re women. They want many things. All those things must be given to them. Everything,
everything must be given. When?
When else?
Right now! What do they actually want?
It’s better not to ask anyone about that,
certainly not them! The movie is about all these things. The dialogues in this movie are quite brilliant too,
witty. The making,
acting, theme — wonderful!
Now watching
To Kill a Mockingbird.
Thought: Three hundred eighty-five
……………………………………………
December 3
When some bastard misbehaves in front of me,
I feel a terrible urge, oh!
If only I could bring his beloved or his child right here, right now, before his very eyes!
December 4
I noticed that most progressive individuals (at least those who claim to be such) remain progressive only as long as their interests aren’t threatened. The face of a so-called progressive person in selfish mode is truly terrifying.
December 6
So many problems, man!
Sometimes I want to become Chacha Chaudhary
December 6
The Departed. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The Bucket List. The Shining. Today I watched Chinatown. Just terrific!
Watching Jack Nicholson’s movies is an experience in itself. To watch a complete movie, you have to watch the entire movie. Watching his acting, it doesn’t feel like acting skill—it feels like acting naturalness. He doesn’t seem like he’s in the movie; the movie seems like it’s his. Respect, boss!!
Now I’m watching
the Korean movie A Moment to Remember.
December 8
One of the golden rules of employment:
You cannot sulk with your boss. Save all your sulking for your girlfriend.
Reprimands follow the principle of conservation. Reprimands are neither created nor destroyed. They merely transform from one state to another.
Reprimands also follow the law of potential energy. The potential energy stored in a reprimand is proportional to the height from which it falls.
In this case, the weight of the reprimand-giver and the reprimand-receiver, or gravity, plays no role.
Remember,
your family is not responsible for the reprimands you receive at the office. So come, let us take reprimands, let us give reprimands. Let us work peacefully,
live peacefully.
December 8
……. watched, Roman Holiday. It
was, is and probably will remain the best romantic movie. I like its simplicity
like Life is Beautiful, Bicycle Thieves, Hachi: A Dog’s Tale, Children of
Heaven or some other similar titles….. watching, Before Sunrise. I love its
dialogues. I love the feelings it brings…… seems like DDLJ borrows some
ideas from it? Huh?
December 14
Who said women are ahead in scheming? Look at your office. How many petty men are always plotting to diminish you so they can feel bigger themselves. There are two ways to become big. By actually becoming big yourself. Or by making others small. The second way is for weak people. It’s easy, yet effective. While it doesn’t increase their strength, making you look bad to many people does a great deal to mask their incompetence—at least to those foolish souls who can’t resist the innate temptation to believe gossip. Not everyone has the wisdom to spend their intelligence wisely. The kite has flown away with the ear—that’s all that matters. So, off they chase after the little kite! These scheming men are far more terrifying than the heroines of ZeeTV-Star Jalsha serials. There’s no background music, you see, which makes professional scheming quite hard to detect. When men engage in scheming, they somehow seem oddly feminine. Hehe…….
December 19
Some foreign language films I love (excluding Bengali-English-Hindi):
Life Is Beautiful
Bicycle Thieves
Amélie
Seven Samurai
Cinema Paradiso
Wild Strawberries
Yojimbo
The 400 Blows
Rashomon
Children of Heaven
City of God
La Haine
Breathless
La Strada
The Seventh Seal
The Lives of Others
Spirited Away
The Kite Runner
Bashu, the Little Stranger
Grave of the Fireflies
What about yours?
December 20
Bought some collected works. Manik. Bibhuti. Tarashankar. Satinath. Shibram. Satyajit. Shakti. Subhas. And some other books too.
……. Feeling great!
December 22
Some people have ears and minds. They listen, they understand.
Some people only have ears. So they listen to gossip.
December 24
: Brother, you studied at CUET, didn’t you?
: Well, I mean……. oh yes, I spent a few years at CUET.
(I ‘studied’ at CUET?! I can’t recall! Did I? I am not sure!)
DECEMBER 26
Bought some books.
Abanindra’s Complete Works
(9 Volumes)
Red Fort
Bengali Language and
Literature (2 Volumes)
From Iqbal
The Kingdom
Buddhadeb Basu’s edited ‘Poetry’
Collection (2 Volumes)
Bishnu De’s Essay Collection (2
Volumes)
Mandakranta Sen’s Selected Poems
Charles Baudelaire’s Prose Poems
Mandakranta Sen’s Complete Novels
Gosai Bagan (3 Volumes)
The Rough Notebook
Subimal Mishra’s Book Collection (2
Volumes)
Upendrakishore Complete Works
Night Kinfolk
War and
Peace (4 Volumes)
Shibnath Shastri’s Autobiography
Sergei Eisenstein’s Film Sense, Film Form
Rahu Chandal’s Bones
The Great Indian Novel
Surely You’re Joking Mr. Feynmann
Thank you, lighthouse. There is joy in this house,
there is happiness. People like me,
who buy books not from a lust for immortality
but from the illusion of staying alive for now,
this house gives us shelter. I have decided: how I will live—this I will determine for myself.
DECEMBER 26
I’ve always had very few friends, mostly just acquaintances. Among those few friends, the ones who gave me their time during my difficult moments,
who stood by me—such friends I can count on my fingers. One such person is
M. Farhan Imtiaz. He’s one of the finest human beings I met at IBA. Being a good student is achievable enough, but being a good person isn’t easy. He was our batch’s
(MBA 45D)
valedictorian (first boy). A little while ago he called to tell me
he’s joining IBA as a faculty member. Ever since I got that call, I’ve been in such impossible elation of joy that I can’t begin to describe it. I’ve seen him up close. He truly deserves to be the leader of leaders. Hats off,
brother!! Friends, please pray for him.
DECEMBER 27
When I see pretentious people, I feel like giving them a good thrashing for the sheer joy of it. No one in this world is less than anyone else. Where’s the time to care so much?! Rather, sometimes,
the more of a fool you are, the more you are what you are. Happy to be a fool.