The Plaster of Thought-Walls (99th Part)

 Thought: Six Hundred and Eighty-Seven

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One.

How I Used to See Life

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(As far as I remember, it was around mid-2011. Classes had just begun at the IBA of Dhaka University. I was a student in the MBA 45D batch at IBA. My roll number was 83, section B. During one of the classes that time, our professor asked us to write an answer to this question: 'Where do you like to see yourself in ten years from now?' Everyone wrote different kinds of answers. That day I wrote the following words on paper. I knew nothing then about what my career would be like, how it would unfold, or when it would happen.

Two days ago, while going through old papers, I found this. I enjoyed reading it, so I'm sharing that writing with you. The goal I wrote about here—it didn't take me 10 years to reach it; I arrived there much, much earlier. Thanks be to God.

Look at your own life. Then you too should write down an answer to that question on a piece of paper and keep it. I'm not saying this just to say it—really write it down and keep it. If we don't keep in mind at all where we are, where we want to go, then moving forward isn't easy. Yes, life will pass somehow anyway, but couldn't you and your family have a better life? Don't we also have many responsibilities toward the people in our society?

That's why I'm saying this: take a piece of paper in hand, write. Perhaps someday, like me, you too will feel like sharing. I'm praying for all of you, may that day come in your lives. May everyone stay well in their own way.)

The plan needs to meet up three essential fronts. They are—

i) What to do

ii) When to do

iii) How to do

The first two approaches serve to meet up my objective. The third one is directly related to my working strategy.

Now, I am preparing myself to serve the purpose of letting others see me in a position that is hoped to be worth-seeing in ten years from now.

What approach: I would like to be in the topmost position of any corporate or public sector.

When approach: By the end of 2021.

How approach: I am motivating myself in my everyday working arena. I am gathering knowledge through reading self-motivating books. I am learning the essential techniques and prioritizing them. I am building my attitude. I am improving my decision-making skills. I try to organize the programs of my university on my own accord. I am developing a positive vision.

I will try my best to achieve what will let others know my identity in a very impressive manner. I have another secondary plan. I want to be a writer in ten years from now. I like to see at least 15 books to my credit before my death. I am now writing blogs, essays (literary and philosophical), poems, etc. I am in the habit of very extensive reading as well.

Two. Then tell me, where does all this love come from? Do you get paid for doing these things?

Three. In this world, love is not the final word—peace, and only peace, is the final word. Therefore, that person is deeply unfortunate who is loved by someone who won't let them be themselves.

It's far better to live in peace within someone's indifference than to live in turmoil under the weight of their love's demands.
Four. Don't call any job good without doing it yourself.

Don't call any food delicious without tasting it yourself.

Don't call any place wonderful without visiting it yourself.

Don't call any life remarkable without living it yourself.

Don't call any husband/wife good without making a home yourself.

There's a vast difference between what appears good and what is truly good.
Five. Almost all our male friends are characterless.

All our female friends are virtuous.

And us? Simply characterless.
Six. In most cases, the child of a father without self-respect grows up to be without self-respect as well.
Seven. When someone fails despite hard work, we can accept it, but when someone fails due to laziness, even tolerating them becomes difficult.

There's another type of person I cannot bear—those who enjoy themselves while there's time, then come asking for help when time runs out.

There's a third strange species—neither hardworking nor lazy; neither successful nor failed. Can anyone tell me who they are?
Eight. Seeing the state of the one who once refused to marry me, I laugh today.

Seeing my state, the one I once refused to marry laughs today.

This is perhaps the way of this world.
Nine. Boy, you're liking that girl's posts, putting hearts on her photos.

Meanwhile, I'm liking my boss's posts, putting hearts on his photos.

The girl pays you no heed,

My boss pays me no heed.

We're both failed men.

Boy, come, let's embrace and weep.
Ten. Fathers have a common question:

Son/daughter, have you eaten?

Mothers have a common question:

Son/daughter, when will you get married?

To fathers, their child's eating carries great importance, because from the day a man becomes a father, whether his child has eaten becomes his greatest concern. Fathers must provide food, so asking this way has become their habit.

But why marriage carries such importance for mothers, I still haven't found the answer. Why does a mother feel her child came into this world only to get married? What do you think? Have you ever pondered this matter?
Eleven. Sometimes I wish I could become paralyzed, lie in bed, and see...what the people around me are truly like!

Though...I've already seen quite a lot...so turning people away has become quite easy for me.
Twelve. Once I sang joyfully, "That day we two swayed in the forest"...then suddenly one day I said, "She forced me onto that swing, then gave me a push and threw me off. I got badly hurt falling to the ground! I didn't understand then, I understand now! She's bad, I'm good...Mommy!"

I want to grab these hypocrites one by one and thrash them!
Thirteen. In childhood, looking at another's notebook earned scolding from the teacher, and in adulthood, looking at Facebook means enduring the wife's suspicion. Where can I go for a little peace, Mother?
Thought: Six Hundred and Eighty-Eight

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One. Beneath most men's robes, the clothes of family members are carefully preserved—remove the robe and they become visible. From some robes, even more clothes will emerge. This is truly fortune for a man. Life is short, and the more dependencies one can shoulder in that life, the greater the joy. This is how I think.

A father is that person whom we misunderstand all our lives, and after his death, we lift him onto our heads and dance. Neither you nor I am exempt from this.
Does any of this make sense?
Two. Every person has someone whose inbox holds countless unseen messages from them.

Every person has someone whose countless messages lie unseen in their own inbox.

You can't call, can't answer calls — only messages can be sent.

You can't say anything aloud, only write and send it off, sometimes even that becomes impossible!

Even more painful... seen but unreplied!
Three. Making mistakes is good — keeps your feet on the ground.
Four. In the comment thread of my previous post (and in my inbox too), many have said much, are saying much. I've deleted some comments in irritation. (Why? This is my wall. I haven't come here to tolerate your rudeness.) I say with humility: this Sushanta Pal, through his writing, speeches, and other work, has shown the way to at least two million people to this day — something neither you nor anyone you know has managed to do yet... That I've been able to do this is my good fortune.
Personally, through phone calls and face-to-face counseling, I've brought seventy-three people back from the path of suicide to healthy living. Indirectly, the number is countless. You've only seen the 'Hemlock Society' on screen. I am a former tireless worker of that very society.

With complete selflessness. Without taking any financial benefit.

What have I received in return? People's attacks, persecution, oppression.

Don't talk too much. Ask yourself what you've been able to do for people.

I say again: you first do even one-tenth of what I've done for humanity, without the slightest self-interest, then we'll have a conversation.

Thank you.
Five. Brother, I don't know you, don't recognize you, and here you are asking for job advice on first acquaintance! You wouldn't even buy your wife saris and jewelry just because she asked (would you), right? Do I seem more dear to you than your own wife? Or are you one of those people who feel the urge to urinate the moment they see a toilet?
Six. We had a Sakib.

We have a Mushfiq.

One in departure,

One in his place!

Bangladesh — when you play, it's beautiful!!
Seven. "Your flute of light has sounded..." — no Bengali puja ever begins, has ever begun, or ever will begin by setting aside this song.

Just as Eid never begins, has never begun, and never will begin by setting aside Nazrul's song "O mind, at the end of Ramadan's fasting comes joyous Eid."

This is what I've witnessed since gaining awareness.

Some people have no substitute. Therefore, some things have no substitute either. Just as another Rabindranath will never come. So the alternative to Rabindrasangeet will remain only Rabindrasangeet till the end.

These songs are not merely songs. These songs are of faith, of love, of emotion. They need no explanation, they need no explanation at all. The most beautiful feelings in this world cannot be explained.

...This is what we call classic or timeless. A song and everyone behind that song become history in just this way.
Eight.

Lost in Rumination

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(In 2007, a seminar was organized by the Computer Science and Engineering Department at CUET Auditorium. I and our friend Urmi were responsible for the presentation. Following the professors' instructions, we had to present in English. While going through some old files on my hard disk today, I found the script I had written for that presentation back then.
(I am sharing the script with you.)
Dear audience,

I, Sushanta Paul, from 2002 batch, on behalf of the Department of Computer Science & Engineering, would like to invite the pleasure of your charming presence to the seminar on "Information & Communication Technology 2007" on this auspicious day. Now I request Urmy to throw a glance at today's program.

Thanks, Sushanta. I am.........from 2002 batch. Today's program is a seminar and a reunion as well. We feel very fortunate today to discover ourselves in the midst of your company. Today's day-long program has been arranged on the occasion of the reunion which is divided into two parts: an informative technical session and a cultural session. I want to inform all of you that it is the second reunion but first cultural program organized by the Department of Computer Science & Engineering held at the CUET auditorium. Now, Sushanta, would you please invite all of our honorable guests?

Thank you, Urmy. Now, I would have my pleasure to request respectable participants to take their respective seats.

Thanks. Today, we are enthusiastically gratified to have our senior............ from 1998 batch, Mohammad Golam Hossain from 1998 batch, Nefaur Rahaman from 2000 batch, our special guest Engr. Mir Mohammad Saki Kawsar, General Secretary, CUET Teachers' Association, Engr. Mohammad Ali Ashraf, Chairman, The Institution of Engineers, Bangladesh, Chittagong Centre, our chief guest Prof. Dr. Shyamal Kanti Biswas, Chairman, CICT, CUET, our valued guest Prof. Dr. Mohammad Tazul Islam, Chairman, Seminar Organizing Committee and all of our seniors. Now, I ask all the guests to take your seats arranged on the dais.

Thank you very much. Now, I request Urmy to ask for receiving our honorable guests with bouquets.

Thanks, Sushanta. Now, I request Shashee, Armin, Farhana, Nishita, Meghla to receive our honorable guests with bouquets.

I express our heartiest thanks to our guests to grant our reception.

Now, I request Mohammad Monjurul Islam from 2005 batch, to recite from the Holy Quran.

Thanks, Monjurul. Now, I ardently request our honorable chief guest Prof. Dr. Shyamal Kanti Biswas, Chairman, CICT, CUET to inaugurate today's dignified program.

Thank you, Sir. Now, I request our dear sir Mr. A S M Kayes, Member Secretary, Seminar Organizing Committee, to deliver his address of welcome.

……………………………………………………………………………

(after his speech)

How sweet and gracious, even in common speech,

Is that fine sense which can welcome all to the light…….

Truly speaking, the glow that you have spread through your welcoming will last till the end.

Now, I request Mr..........., Ex-student, '98 batch, CUET to convey his message for all of us.

(after his speech)

"The noblest passion to inspire all seeks its shelter to the noblest minds. " Thanks, Mr..........., for inducing this passion!

Now, I invite the presence of Mohammad Golam Hossain, Ex-student, '99 batch, CUET, to pass on your dignified speech.

(after his speech)

I work when I'm inspired,

I dream when I'm prompted.

Thanks, Mr. Golam Hossain, for teaching us how to dream!

Now, I fervently request Mr.
Nefaur Rahaman, Ex-student, '00 batch, CUET to present your appealing speech before us.

(after his speech)

"When a thought raises your spirit, seek for it, go for it as it is the right way to choose." Thanks, Mr. Nefaur Rahaman, for your valuable speech!

At this phase, now, I would like to request the pleasure of our special guest Engr. Mir Mohammad Saki Kawsar, General Secretary, CUET Teachers' Association to be right here to gratify us with your radiant speech.

(after his speech)

Through the clouds we can never float;

Until we have a little magic boat,

Shaped like the crescent moon.

We dream of brightening the darkened paths and even of cheering the lonely way if you kindly assist us. Thank you, Sir, for showing us a radiant hope.

Now, Engr. Mohammad Ali Ashraf, Chairman, The Institution of Engineers, Bangladesh, Chittagong Centre, kindly intensify the grandeur of today's auspicious program with your fascinating speech.

(after his speech)

A man is great as far as he can dream.

Thank you, Sir, for giving us the courage to touch the rainbow of a dream!

Now, I have my full pleasure to invite the honor of our chief guest Prof. Dr. Shyamal Kanti Biswas, Chairman, CICT, CUET to deliver his inspiring speech.

(after his speech)

Come to the edge, He said. They said, "We are afraid." "Come to the edge," He again said. They came. He pushed them... and they flew.

We would never be afraid, rather fly, if you help us, Sir. Thank you.

Last of this session, our valued guest Prof. Dr. Mohammad Tazul Islam, Chairman, Seminar Organizing Committee; please induce a flame of passion among us by the candor of your speech.

(after his speech)

Some words are not merely words they can even reveal the light of thought!

We feel highly motivated by your radiant speech! Thank you, Sir.

Now, dear audience, at this very moment, let's take a short break for refreshment. After that, we will be back to start our technical session. Please enjoy yourself with the snacks.

Now, I welcome you all to the technical session of today's program. I request our chief guest Prof. Dr. Shyamal Kanti Biswas, Chairman, CICT, CUET to chair and conduct this session.

Now, at the end of our first technical session, I would like to announce a break for Salatul Jum'a and lunch. The students are asked to go to their respective classes for taking lunch.

I once again welcome you all to the second technical session of today's program. I request Mr. Mohammad Ibrahim Khan, Assistant Prof., Department of CSE, CUET to chair and conduct this session.

Now, at the end of our second technical session, I would like to announce once again a break before switching to our Open Discussion Part of the technical session.

Now, I greet you all to the Open Discussion Part of the technical session. For conducting this part, I respectfully request the presence of our special guest Engr.
Mir Mohammad Saki Kawsar, General Secretary, CUET Teachers' Association.

Now, we would like to conclude the technical session of today's program and invite you to enjoy the enthralling cultural session. We express our thanks to all of you for your kind assistance and support without which the plan of organizing this program would not have seen the light of reality.

Reflection: Six Hundred and Ninety-Nine

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One. Looking Back At Myself

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(written on 24 July 2003)

I have been in a city since my childhood. The town has been changed bit by bit with the passage of time even more than I have been with my age.

Amazingly enough, the people on a hasty pace remained the same; however, they have been multiplied a lot. They seem to have been born to be in a constant race, be the warriors of an ostensibly eternal struggle! I discover them dreaming to reach the Utopia that hardly comes true. Some of them cherish the dream from a bottomless adoration within their soul, yet, some also get cast off with the broken dreams. The eyes those dreams, weep in nuisance to have seen dreams wrecked; appear before me in different colors. The persons growing up with dreams of diverse colors treasured in their soul stir my heart much.

Once life seemed a Disneyland to me; however, at present, pessimistically, I can feel the futility of that notion. Every person is too lonely to be bold enough in the rat-race of life. The alluring stairs to reach the topmost level always make him intimidated and meager. The restrictions of the contiguous society persistently draw a rapt state for a person enough to constrain the primitive instincts in every pace of life. Here we are to mask ourselves behind the curtain of civilization: a demonstration of optimism in the guise of pessimism--such is the norm of life!

I know I must join that stream of life, adopt that fashion. So, I discover myself ever-hectic at trying to espouse the trend of civility killing the impulsive instincts within my soul. I have started becoming transfigured in the uniform of the society too naive to ensure the spontaneous growth of the soul. I can feel this so-called resurgence exterminates my vivacity every single moment, the dreams my soul yearns for become paler, and the seemingly ornamented norms of the society seize my personality unwarranted. This society teaches me to account for everything; all innermost aspects of life: love, affection, friendship, humanity, relationship--these also appear measurable before me! I am now in a track of race; life is my preferred game; I know I am losing my soul, yet I cannot but; I continue yelling to escape...again, again and again!! I don't know I will have to suit my role in the never-ending drama to mount up and up as Sisyphus had to…

Two. Those who know me are divided into two groups. Those who have read my book 'The Life of Snakes and Ladders,' and those who have not.
Those who have read the piece know that I had written an application to change my interview timeslot at IBA, which Rahi Sir graciously accepted, leading to that utterly incredible incident that day.
While rummaging through some old Word files, I found that application. Its monetary value might not amount to much, but to me it's priceless! I'm sharing the application with you:
15 January 2011

The Program Director, MBA Program Institute of Business Administration University of Dhaka Dhaka

Subject: Prayer for changing the time slot of the interview schedule of the MBA Program Admission
Sir,
This letter expresses my earnest request to change my interview schedule of the MBA Program Admission 2010-2011. I am a candidate for Full-Time Course, my admit number is 2745 and I am on Interview Board 6 scheduled to be conducted at the 10:00 am to 1:00 pm time slot on January 17, 2011. I am appearing at the 30th BCS written examination and my Examination Centre is at Chittagong. I have an examination on January 17, 2011, coincided with the same time slot of the interview and so it is not possible for me to come from Chittagong and attend the interview at 10:00 am.
I will be highly obliged if you kindly permit me to attend the interview at the 6:00 pm to 8:30 pm time slot scheduled for Evening Board 3 and Evening Board 4 on January 17, 2011.
Yours faithfully Sushanta Paul
(I had posted a status then, which appears in my piece "Life of a Simpleton." In explanation of the last part of that status, I had written:
Let me share the Story behind the Story and elucidate the last part of my status. It would have been quite impossible for me to reach Dhaka University from Dhaka International Airport within just 50 minutes (!!) to attend the interview session of IBA in time on Jan 17, but for the cordial help of Sharmeen didi (Sharmeen Muiz) & Ira madam (Johora Bebe Ira). They're the persons who made that miracle happen!! And, Romel bhai (Monirul Alam Romel) is the "Man with the Bike" who dared fight against time to meet the deadline!! ....... I feel honoured to express my heartfelt gratitude to these three saviours. ........ Miracles Happen When You Believe!!)
Three. My friend Utpal reminded me of an absolutely hilarious incident from CUET life.
I can't remember which semester had the math course. So in the first four class tests in math, Utpal (one of my best friends from CUET life) had already scored 15 out of 15 in each, totaling 60. (Getting 15 out of 15 is no small feat!) The best 4 out of 5 would be counted. So there was absolutely no point in Utpal taking the fifth test. Though he was prepared for it.
Meanwhile, poor soul that I was, I had gotten abysmal marks in the first four tests. (I mean, around 10 or so!) I thought, if Utpal could take the last one for me, maybe my marks would improve...! Though I had come prepared, being a poor student, I didn't have the audacity to imagine I'd score higher than Utpal!
I said to Utpal, "Friend, you take today's exam for me, and I'll take it for you."
So I managed to convince him with a request that we would exchange names in the city's register.

What I said, he did! Utpal wasn't the kind of person to refuse my request, and besides, the exam was redundant for him anyway!

Ah, how beautiful the world is! Such beautiful birds, trees, vines, leaves, flowers, fruits...!

Wait! The picture is still pending, my friend!

The story goes: Utpal got 15 in that exam, and I got 12. But that 15 was actually what I had earned, and the 12 was what Utpal had earned! Yet 12 was added next to my name, 15 next to Utpal's.

During my time at CUET, I was so damn poor that I couldn't even tell which subjects I was well-prepared for and which ones I wasn't! Whoever I looked at seemed like they would score higher than me... and Utpal was genuinely a very serious student! How could I have the audacity to trust myself and distrust him!
Thought: Six Hundred and Ninety

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One. Soumitra Chatterjee was the protagonist in almost all of Satyajit Ray's films. The chemistry between Satyajit and Soumitra was remarkable. Yet for the film 'Nayak,' Satyajit chose Uttam Kumar. He even wrote the screenplay keeping Uttam in mind. Why Uttam? Why not Soumitra? Soumitra himself had the same question. He asked Satyajit directly. Do you know what his answer was?... Are you Uttam?
Whether Uttam is greater or Soumitra, whether Tendulkar is greater or Lara, whether Pelé is greater or Maradona—such debates are pointless. Their greatness cannot be measured by any comparison. However, from watching a fair share of cinema, I've understood this: watching films by great directors is safer than watching films by great actors. There's less risk of wasting time. With all due respect, not all of Uttam Kumar's films are good; acting alone doesn't make everything work—direction carries immense importance. A bad director can ruin even a good story. A good director can extract a masterpiece even from completely amateur actors. We've seen proof of this in some films from Italy's Neorealist movement. By casting people who resembled their characters, practically picking them up from the streets, directors like Vittorio De Sica could create masterpieces like The Bicycle Thief, Shoeshine, and Umberto D.!
Now, if you were asked which directors' complete filmographies you have watched or wish to watch, who would you name? Here's mine:

For Bengali films: Satyajit Ray, Ritwik Ghatak, Rituparno Ghosh

For non-Bengali films: Ingmar Bergman, Luis Buñuel, Vittorio De Sica, Yasujirō Ozu, Abbas Kiarostami
Two. Where there is a CCTV, there is a crime. No CCTV, no crime.
Three. You use Facebook but don't like or comment on your boss's posts—don't you value your life, dear?
Four. I'm generally not deceived by young women's sweet voices. Experience has taught me that sweet-voiced young women are usually as massive as Mount Mainaka. The fatter they are, the thinner their voice.

~ Humayun Ahmed
So true, boss!
Sweet-voiced young women fall into two other categories as well. One: little girls. Two: middle-aged women. Therefore, beware, good sir!
Most beautiful women don't have sweet voices. Most women who can tell interesting stories aren't beautiful. Hearing a voice and getting all excited, only to have Bengal's five senses laugh behind the scenes.
Another thing. No woman, without prior experience of talking to some other man past midnight, will agree to talk to you at that special hour on the very first day.
The same applies to men.
Be practical, friends. Life isn't as cinematic as a "Sudden Rain" film.
Here, if the mountain meets the mouse or the beast encounters beauty, no one's investment will go to ruin.
**Five.** Happiness is . . . . . . . spending time with family
**Six.** Follow your passion sincerely, it'll follow you more sincerely.
**Seven.** Sometimes I feel like crying, desperately feel like it! That's when I need these words...

This time that wastes away / accepts its defeat / Life falls to dust, losing all it saved / whose memory floats in the cloudy air / yet I refuse to believe she's far away.
**Eight.** The person who stands duty outside my room—I've never even seen him smile. Deeply serious, he stares with a foolish expression. His upper teeth jut forward, making him look even more foolish. A completely simple, straightforward sort of man. His gaze is steady, guileless. Whatever I say, whether he hears or not, he responds with "Yes sir." Some people exist... whom you look at and think, perhaps there's no sin in their hearts—he's one such person. Looking at him, I 'used to think' there was no love in his heart, no emotions or feelings, perhaps no sorrow either.
I say 'used to think' because today I no longer feel that way. Yesterday, to celebrate Bangladesh's victory, he bought sweets for everyone in our office! Buying sweets isn't such a grand gesture, but to discover such deep emotion hidden in such a stoic man left me enchanted! I feel regret thinking that yesterday I worked until 8:30 PM and he had to stay late with me. Though he does live near the office. What I didn't do, he did! When I called him into my room to ask about it, he lowered his head in embarrassment and said, "Sir, I'm a poor man. If I could, I would have taken those boys to a nice place for a proper meal. Oh, what those young boys did for us!"... This is called gratitude, this is called love of country.
In my joy, I gave him the TV from my room. I told him to watch games on it, watch movies.
Country is something immense—for one's country, one can cut one's heart out with a smile and serve it; compared to that, sweets are such a trivial matter!
**Nine.** Learn to tolerate the intelligence of intelligent people. Consider this: they tolerate your lack of intelligence too. If they can bear the stench of your ignorance, why can't you endure the fragrance of their minds?
**Ten.** That someone knows what I like and dislike because I'm dear to them—that's one thing; that someone cares about what I like and dislike because I'm dear to them—that's quite another. The first is called relationship, the second is called love. Just as not every relationship contains love, not every love contains relationship.
**Eleven.** When you have nothing good to say about someone, it's better to remain silent. No one sits around waiting to drink water after washing your or my certificates. However, this rule doesn't apply to those who survive by harming others.
**Thought: Six Hundred Ninety-One**

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There's a certain kind of helplessness. The helplessness of being unable to make yourself understood. When someone keeps misunderstanding you continuously—how difficult it is to bear, how difficult! Isn't it so—you love someone deeply, but that person—doesn't love you back, that's not the issue; doesn't understand you, that's nothing either; doesn't care about you, that too can be accepted—but they misunderstand you.
This causes great pain. I may love someone who does not love me in return—such things can certainly happen. Love need not always be a two-way traffic. The love I feel brings me joy, infinite peace. What feeling could be more wonderfully beautiful than falling in love! But when that person misunderstands me—accepting this becomes very difficult. I don't care who misunderstands me or who understands me correctly, but because I love them, I find myself caring whether I want to or not—it comes naturally, unbidden. I can accept that they don't acknowledge whether I'm alive or dead. But how am I to accept that my very existence causes them distress? I truly don't know how.
I've noticed something else. I want to bind someone with affection, I am sincere toward them, I want to maintain an easy, expectation-free connection with them—yet they misunderstand me and keep misunderstanding, sometimes even hating me! Despite countless attempts, I cannot make them grasp my thoughts and position. They won't budge from what they believe. Even if I were to commit suicide out of despair over this, they would remain fixed in their thinking. What they think, what they enjoy thinking, what their mind tells them to think—they never move away from that. Sometimes they might shift slightly and maintain an easy relationship for a couple of days, and I think perhaps everything has been resolved, but then suddenly, without the least instigation, they return to their former harsh demeanor. They hurl hatred from within, or if not hatred, then they keep making judgments—judgments I truly don't deserve. How I think of them, how I see them, how I want them to accept me—without coming anywhere near these things, they stand in a completely different position and keep explaining themselves, me, and this relationship between us (not a romantic relationship, but a relationship between two human beings), and they do so relentlessly. Despite thousands of attempts, nothing changes. They remain steadfast and unmovable in their thinking. Since I want to preserve the relationship, accepting this causes me great anguish.
People assume many things. They enjoy thinking, so they think and assume. We have no control over anyone's thoughts, nor is it possible for us to go person by person explaining ourselves. People see us through whatever lens pleases them. What else can be done? Let each person think whatever they wish—we'll continue doing our work sincerely. It's impossible to live considering every person's every word. In that case, stopping would be the only path. And stopping means death! Even those who don't know me, don't understand me, judge me and keep sharing various thoughts about me—thoughts that have no foundation! If one wants to live, these things mustn't be minded; even if heard, they shouldn't be kept in the heart.
...But if that person happens to be someone I love or care for, then I feel utterly helpless. There is no helplessness like being unable to make oneself understood to someone close.
I feel like giving a small example. There is someone whom I deeply respect for their work, for their character—many people regard them with great respect. They are indeed worthy of respect. I didn't know that they knew me.
I came to know one day. How? During a terrible crisis of mine, when writing two lines of nonsense about me on Facebook had become a virtual religious duty for many, he too, like many others, posted a long status on his wall. I won't discuss what all was in that post. There were a few lines which, in summary, meant—that I take money to give career advice, that I'm an agent for various coaching centers, and that through all this I've become the owner of immense wealth... Believe me, seeing that post from him that day, I wept uncontrollably. It was very difficult to digest such speculative statements from someone I liked and respected so much... Afterward I thought, he too is human, perhaps he isn't the kind of person I thought him to be. What else could I do but accept it! Still, I love him, I wish him well. When you don't want to misunderstand someone, it's very painful to live with needless misinterpretation from them... Nature has given him a big answer. In this life I've never wished ill upon anyone, not for him either, no one did, yet he received an answer.
...One doesn't need to hurt anyone, nature returns it manifold.
Thought: Six hundred and ninety-two

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One. I tell you what—love great people. Love them blindly. But don't go near them. Great people are usually not great up close. So see them from afar, see their work. Listen to them, read their writings. Know their lives. There is light there, and darkness too. Take the light, not the darkness. Hold that light within yourself. Don't judge anyone keeping only the darkness in mind. The more we judge, the more ordinary we become. Greatness fears judgemental attitude.
Love them, respect them. Don't envy them, don't hate them. No one has ever become great in this world by nurturing envy or hatred toward great people. At the end of the day, they too are human like you and me. And being human, they do or have done some dark deeds, which you and I also do, but theirs catch the eye more. When we can't even get close to their light, what's the point of being preoccupied with their darkness? Don't you have your own bathroom? Then why do you gape at great people's bathrooms?
I say again, you mustn't go near great people. They should be saluted from afar, not by touching their feet. Their feet have much dirt, just as yours and mine do. Learn to take that dirt naturally. Until then, enjoy the greatness of the great from afar. There are certain lives in this world—arranging your own life like those lives would be wonderful. In trying to arrange it, you'll see those lives were built mainly with endless labor, honesty, sincerity, and concentration. You'll find one more element: faith. Profound faith in one's own capability. The greater one's faith, the greater one's destination.
Look at their work, understand their thoughts. Never stand with head held high before great people—you must know how to sit at their feet. Try to understand why we aren't like them, why we can't become so even when we want to—with a calm and unprejudiced mind. One can never become great while holding onto ego. The first step to becoming great: first you must become small, you must accept—I am not yet what I want to become.
Take yourself to zero. One who cannot reach zero can never rise to ten, let alone a hundred!
Two. I have a dream. The dream is this: one day I will wake up in the morning. And from that day forward, I will wake up in the morning every day. When I wake from sleep—when my sleep breaks—that moment will be called morning. Morning for me. My mornings will be like me, according to my wishes. I won't have to follow the grammar of morning-making from that day on.
If I wake up in the morning, that will be morning for me. If I wake at noon, that too will be morning. If I wake in the evening, that's also morning. My morning will be by my rules, in my way. There will be no rigid regulations or chains. I'll be able to stay asleep for as long as I want to sleep or roll around in bed—until then. I dream of that day.
People say sleep means death. But to me, sleep means joy—pure, unalloyed joy. When I'm sleeping, it feels like the world is beautiful, life is beautiful. Love with one's bed—there's no nobler love than this. If two people in this world could love each other the way we love sleep, they would never part.
I dream this dream: I will see mornings as I please. No drag or chains will prevent me from sleeping—I want to have such a life.
One day I'll sleep deeply, and that day, even if someone calls, I won't get up anymore.
Thought: Six hundred ninety-three

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Career Chat and Life-Oriented Film --------------------------------------------------
One.

I went to Chandpur for a visit. Coming back by auto-rickshaw after seeing the Rupsa zamindar house. The three-wheeler speeds along the village dirt road. Suddenly, right in the middle of the road, a dog comes and stands. The dog keeps standing there with its face raised high toward the sky like a wolf—just stands there. Not moving at all. The auto's horn is blaring. The auto stops a little distance from the dog. The dog pays no attention to it at all. Doesn't give a damn about us! Stares at us with steady eyes. An expression of contempt on its face... "Whatever, buddy, I don't count you! What's up?"... Later our driver stopped honking, got down on the road, and moved the dog aside.
Isn't this strange? Why did the dog do this? Several possible reasons can be put forward. Maybe it's frustrated in love. Maybe its crush hasn't been reading its messages for days. Maybe it doesn't get proper likes on Facebook. Maybe because of its belly, its sixth girlfriend ran away to Cox's Bazar holding hands with the fifth ex of its fourth ex. Maybe it's weak in math or English. Maybe its mind doesn't settle at the study table. Maybe the upcoming Valentine's Day will also pass alone for it. Maybe it can't fathom many mysteries of the world. Maybe its wife hasn't been angry for a long time, so she doesn't go to her father's house. Maybe its lover is getting married into another household. Maybe it's drug-addicted or came after drinking. Maybe it discovered that the one it's been in love with on Facebook all this time is actually a male dog. Maybe someone called it "brother" whom it just can't accept as a sister. Maybe it's none of these things—it was just randomly standing in the road doing a performance!
I understand, it needs a few ounces of motivation. Tell it to come on time to the next Career Chat... this coming Saturday at 9 AM at Kushtia Islamic University Auditorium.
Two.

I have a video link of a recently viral life-oriented short film.
I had been particularly eager for several days to get hold of this, and finally... I found it. "I have found it." Found what? This rare one, this woman, is there any end to her mystery?... And this woman happens to be one of my crushes, only a few years older than me. Just seeing her stirs up a tempest in my chest, and even saying "she is not mine" brings little comfort in composing myself. Having acquired her for myself, I carefully stored her away in various places. Among those I shamelessly asked for the link, my gratitude to one knows no bounds, for without him life wouldn't be this sweet! Such life-intimate moving pictures, one simply wants to keep watching and watching... to live, one must watch. And I harbor no jealousy, only a heart full of love—so when I see others' happiness, I can bear it with a smile!
So the other day, while chatting with some colleagues, one of them said with a shy smile, "Brother, where did you get this? I was looking for it myself, actually. Could you forward it to me, please?"... I shared it immediately. There's peace in sharing such things too. The poet-sage said, sharing is caring. Whatever may be on the surface, all men think alike! I've never been miserly in public service, not then, not now. Besides, enjoying such delectable material alone would be sinful... sinful! I noticed others saying, "Brother, you keep these things too? You're like this! Shame, shame!" I thought to myself, well, I'm not good anyway, you all stay good... Socrates said, "Remember, Mr. Chowdhury, keeping a gun in its holster makes it invisible, but not inactive!"
My colleague seemed to shrivel up in embarrassment, saying things like "No, I mean, actually I don't usually..." trying desperately to prove himself a "good boy"... I can accept that everyone around me is bad, and I'm bad too. But that everyone is good except me alone—that's hard to bear. Accepting "you alone are good" brings as much joy as accepting "you alone are bad" brings sorrow. Being bad requires company; being good must be done alone.
Anyway, without surprising me in the least, within ten minutes they were stammering to me, "Brother, since you have it anyway, could you forward it to us too on messenger?"... I understood—ah, who wants to be deprived of such free divine grace! Besides, seeing the bodily splendor of such incomparable beauty brings peace to the eyes, peace to the mind, peace to the soul, even unto death. Jealousy isn't everything. Peace, and peace alone, is the final word in living! My mischievous mind wanted to sing along with the poet... O sphere of essence, why did you hold so much essence within! The band of good boys, forgetting dharma, has fallen at your feet!
Wait, brothers! Don't get up and leave just yet! Everyone sit calmly—the picture is still unfinished! Among my colleagues, the first one who received the blessing is of a very calm and gentle nature. An absolute gentleman, as they say. His wife knows me—the way everyone knows each other from a distance. When he returned home and told his wife, "You know, I got something today, look, that clip of so-and-so. Isn't it something?"... Seeing such life-affirming, unguarded, intimate scenes of two familiar faces right before her eyes, the lady recoiled. She said, "Shame, shame! What is this! Don't you feel ashamed watching such things? You're already a sly rascal—others may not know, but I certainly do!"
But I used to think well of Sushant bhai, and look, he's also of this stripe! Ugh, you men are all like this! Damn it, all men are rotten!... Seeing his wife's reaction, he hastily ended the ongoing sports viewing and quickly moved his phone to the other side. Then bhabi said, "Ehh! Now you're playing innocent, are you? Why did you turn it off? Give it here!"... After a brief intermission, the game resumed, with bhabi herself providing the commentary. At one point, the poor bewildered husband said emotionally... "Listen, keep that link for me too! Don't forget now!"
That's why Einstein said, "The enchantress has cast her spell... taught us love... made us mad... what magic has the enchantress wrought..."... May the 'sweating laborers' of all life-affirming links—conscious, unconscious, and subconscious—live long!