The Plaster of Thought-walls (97th Part)

Reflection: Six Hundred Seventy-three

………………………………………………………

One. After so much mistreatment,
so much neglect,
why don’t you just leave?

Because I know that no one else in this world can tolerate him the way I do. If I leave, he’ll suffer terribly. I don’t think about leaving him,
but sometimes I wish I could just die. The problem is,
once you have a child after marriage, you can’t even die.

How long has it been since you two spoke?

Five months and twenty-seven days.

You don’t speak at all?

He talks to our son, but not directly to me.

Wasn’t there love between you?

Yes, there was. Six years of love. Passionate love! You know,
there were times
when it would be pouring rain and he’d stand outside my hostel all night! Getting drenched while calling me continuously,
and I wouldn’t pick up.

Why?

To melt my anger. When we fought, he
would go crazy for me! He
could cry like a woman!

And that same person changed so completely!

Yes. This is my fate. But I still love him.

Does he love you?

He probably does,
but won’t show it out of stubbornness,
afraid of losing face! I don’t want to show it either.

How do you know he loves you?

Because I love him,
so I can sense it.

What if your sense is wrong?

Let it be wrong!
When you love someone, it brings such peace, makes you feel so light. That heavenly feeling I experience every moment. If he’s not getting it, that’s his failure,
his loss.

I find your words irritating.

Have you ever loved anyone selflessly?

I can’t remember. No,
I don’t think so.

Then there’s no point discussing this with you, you won’t understand. Come, let’s talk about something else. The price of hilsa fish has gone up again in the market.

Two. The confidence to win a beautiful woman’s love vanished the day that girl with the magnificent mustache said:
I love you!

(I’ve come out to see the Puja festivities. So far I’ve counted six girls with mustaches.)

P.S. Let the virtuous ones rush forth to save my fourteen generations.

Three. I don’t want to be immortal, I want to remain mortal.

On the path to immortality, you find followers but no companions. None of those followers are actually travelers on the path of immortality—
they are all mere spectators.

Four. Those pujas where viewing the face of Goddess Durga requires the strength of demons, where it’s impossible to see the worship like a gentleman without pushing and shoving—I declared myself forbidden and unworthy of entering the perimeter of such puja mandaps many years ago. There’s no adequate space, no security, only crowding. It disgusts me!

Let festivals be graceful, decent, tasteful. Let there be joy, let there be dance, let there be song—within limits, with dignity. About those pujas that cannot be viewed in a civilized manner, I wrote two lines yesterday:

Puja in luxury,

Devotion hunched over.

What do I understand by the atmosphere of an ideal puja? The atmosphere of Ramakrishna Mission in Chittagong, Chatteshwari Temple, Dewanji Pond area, J.M. Sen Hall, and a few other mandaps. Consider this: has any other mandap been able to match the model of sattvic Durga Puja that Ramakrishna Mission has established in our minds and faith? Why haven’t they succeeded? The anjali of Ashtami or Dashami at the Mission—this has become part of religious practice itself. Did this happen by itself?

Five. Who are these people who study diligently with their hearts set on hanging around the neck of some government servant, chanting “Dugga Dugga”? Tell me, do the wives of private employees have to survive on grass?

(Believe it or not, I’ve seen a girl studying at a public university who wants to study hard so she can marry some BCS cadre!!! I can’t express how irritated I was to hear this. What a mentality! Why are today’s girls becoming so calculating? A girl’s life goal is to marry a BCS cadre! Good grief!!)

Six. When you have the means to buy and eat biryani yourself, you’ll find plenty of people willing to feed you biryani… and you’re dancing around them! Brother, hold close to your heart that person who, when you couldn’t even afford to buy rice, gave you a piece of bread from their own plate and ate half-full themselves with a smile. Alas, such people disappear somewhere after giving that very piece, and no matter how much you search later, you can never find them again! Yet those who laughed behind your back seeing you starve, or were busy with their own meals, are the ones circling around you today.

Seven. Two types of people must never be abandoned, not even unto death, even if they make hundreds of mistakes, commit wrongs, or hurt you—they must be forgiven with a smile:

One. Parents

Two. That friend/those friends and anyone who stood by me in times of crisis, when the entire world had turned away from me and my very existence had become endangered, yet remained beside me without the slightest self-interest, logic, or reason

Let love for them be boundless, unconditional, unreasonable. Constant like the blood flow in the body, sometimes shameless—one-sided. Believe me, apart from these, none of the others we know or don’t know are essential to our lives. They will share our joys but won’t bear the burden of our sorrows.

Eight. You knew you couldn’t be here.

I imagined I would be here.

That’s why, I’m here, you aren’t.

Nine. Everyone has something to say,
but not everyone has someone to listen. Even if they do, perhaps it’s someone who places no value on such words,
someone to whom speaking those words only brings sorrow.

Ten. Another man’s wife
and one’s own child—these two command infinite attraction from men!

(Readers are welcome to comment on this post’s comment thread! When I post such statuses occasionally, I realize how many virtuous people follow this characterless wretch!)

Eleven. Someone with substance in their head suits arrogance,
and humility too. Someone with garbage in their head
doesn’t suit even humility. Take Sakib, for instance.
Even when this boy speaks arrogantly, he looks so damn sweet. While others become tedious in their modesty, they look like complete goats. He is a Bangladeshi player. It’s a
matter of our pride. Arrogance suits a genius! No one salutes a donkey even if
it is modest.

(I’m expecting comments from you about ‘pride goes before a fall’ and such. Do comment, find some consolation.)

Twelve. My friend’s wife. Profession: housewife. Cooking, household chores, caring for an 11-month-old child,
watching Shrimoyee’s domestic life on Star Jalsha. Sister-in-law’s job is inside the home. My friend provides adequate money for all shopping and pocket expenses. No doubt she has to deal with tremendous troubles, especially raising the child. The amount of mistreatment my friend has to endure from his wife before going to office and after returning from office
makes me think that if sister-in-law had worked and supported my friend financially,
she would have beaten her husband twice daily without fail. My friend returns home late from office, deliberately. Even the office boss is better than the wife. The fear and appeasement required with the wife
isn’t even necessary with the boss. I noticed that both my friend and his wife are busy, exhausted. In that case, if sister-in-law didn’t mistreat him so often
(and often without reason),
their relationship could have been much more wonderful. The boy who runs the household wants nothing more from his family than a little good behavior. Can’t a woman understand even this much? Or do women become irritable after marriage for various reasons? What does your experience say?

Thought: Six hundred seventy-four

………………………………………………………

One. The first-boy: the most helpless species of creature on earth.

Good students envy him.

Bad students hate him.

Average students pay him no attention at all.

Others can murder someone and nothing happens,
but if the first-boy even thinks of murder, he gets a death sentence. Tolerating the first-boy is an extremely difficult task. That’s why the first-boy has virtually no friends. There’s no greater misfortune than coming first. To live beautifully in life, one must never come first.

Two. Stop disturbing others. Start disturbing yourself. Remember, there is nothing ready-made. Everything you want to achieve was made ready.

Good things are never ready-made. Good things are always made ready.

Three. : What do you do? Job? Business? Or………

: My husband is rich & powerful.

: Wow! You do the greatest job on earth!

(Blessed are 4 women: A rich man’s wife, a rich man’s daughter, a rich man’s daughter-in-law……….a rich man’s girlfriend or mistress. But, a rich man is the poorest soul as he can’t enjoy his own wealth.)

Four. Not everyone can be a critic—to be a critic requires brains. Plus maturity. Most people, trying to be critics, end up as mere haters. Being a hater doesn’t require brains, just some envy. Do you know the fundamental difference between a critic and a hater? Your critic will speak about your work; your hater will speak about you personally.

(I’ll write about this when I have time.)

Five. Let there be a paunch, let there be baldness, let age be halfway,

Let looks be a five—money says, all is forgiven!

Six. Beauty is good even when it has got some impurities. Pure and beautiful—it’s a rare combination!

Seven. The difference between him and me lies in one thing: I don’t return my old humiliations to anyone.

Those who think that I, and many others like me, have reached overnight from thin air to the position where you see us now—they are mistaken. You’ve seen us laugh, but never seen us cry. Terrible suffering, humiliation, tears—that is our past! Perhaps compared to that suffering, your suffering is nothing. That’s why it seems so. What I understand in brief is this: life is hard and cruel. Accept this, and living will become easier.

Eight. Salil Chowdhury had moved houses. To Pader Road. A well-appointed flat. One day, very early in the morning, Kishore Kumar turned up at his place. Salil himself had summoned him. He’d composed music for the film ‘Annadata.’ He would play it for Kishore Kumar. Kishore Kumar sat on the sofa next to Salil, his face grave. He listened very attentively to the tune of the song he would have to sing.

Sitting on the sofa, Salil played the harmonium and sang that song which would later become famous:

Guzar gaye din din din ki

Har pal gin gin gin

Kisi ki hai yadon mein.

The moment he heard the last line, Kishore Kumar collapsed onto the floor with a thud!

“What happened, what happened?” Solil cried out in astonishment!
Kishore Kumar was still sitting crumpled on the ground. His face downcast. Lifting his head, he folded his hands and said,
“Forgive me, Solilda,
I cannot learn this song sitting at your same height. What a melody you have created!”

For the rest of that time, Kishore Kumar learned the song sitting on the ground!

See how one genius learns from another genius, sitting at his feet!
Can you imagine!
One must learn from a guru by sitting at the guru’s feet. Unless you know how to bring yourself down to the dust, it is impossible to reach the summit! To rise above, you must first descend below—how can one who has already positioned himself at the top before climbing ever ascend again?
One must learn by surrendering all ego. This humility, this desire to learn, does not exist in ordinary people. This is where the difference lies between us and great souls.

No. If you can afford and accommodate the luxury of being precious, why are you letting yourself remain so cheap? Be careful of your thoughts, words, actions.

People who are cheap, are cheap because they tried to be precious, but failed. Or they are too blind to see the price of things. Remember, even if you are the king of the blind, you yourself are blind, anyway. The blind always make another blind man their king. When you see a king, first see the kingdom he rules. You can readily understand if that king deserves your respect or not.

Being and staying cheap is easy. It costs almost no effort. It sounds pleasant. Sometimes it is even popular. Cheap people get more attention as they have more friends. Precious people are lonely and unpopular. Cheap people hate precious people. They fear the price, so they hate the people who can pay the price. If you are extraordinary, ordinary people hate you simply because they can never reach your level. Do not give attention to how they react to your existence. Make them feel neglected, unnoticed. Surely this makes them feel uncomfortable, resented.

You will suffer if you are precious. Still be precious. Be simple but do not be ordinary. Do anything that requires to keep yourself beyond what is ordinary. In countries where education means certificates, most of the ordinary people are cheap. Do not accept what is easily available. You can never get a precious thing without any effort. Doubt what gives you easy comfort. Almost all the precious things are the things not comfortable to the common people. Trust me, the people and things that look attractive to us, are mostly the cheap ones, because the definition of what it means to be attractive we received, came from some cheap people we know. Most of prescious people are the people whom we hardly happen to know or recognise.

Only one life to live. Only one life
to examine. Only one life to use. Live it in a way others do not. Examine it in
a way others dare not. Use it in a way others cannot.

Reflection: Six Hundred Seventy-Five

………………………………………………………

One. If you feel there is something to learn from someone, then go to them, seek to learn. With head bowed. If they welcome you warmly, that’s wonderful; if they don’t, do not rage or sulk. It’s only natural that they wouldn’t want to give you their time, isn’t it? Put yourself in their place. Through their eyes, who are you that they should think about you? But you know that you need them for your work. Those who mean so much to us—we mean nothing to them, no matter what we might be! By our own judgment we may be vast as oceans, but measured against their greatness, we might not even equal a grain of sand. There’s no point in winning in the eyes of the defeated; the real challenge is to win in the eyes of the victorious.

Remember, good things are always limited editions, hence the higher price. Average and inferior goods are unlimited, so the price is low. Cheap things come cheap, expensive things at their price. You cannot get expensive things for less. Learn to pay the price. Knowing how to pay the price is a great art—not everyone can master it.

Go to learn from those who have something to teach. Your anger and ego have value only to yourself. Cast these aside and try to learn. What they have learned, they learned by paying a steep price—why should you expect it for free? But don’t think that paying a price necessarily means buying with money! In this world, what cannot be bought with money costs the most. What money can buy is difficult to acquire, but not impossible. Those who know how to achieve the impossible stay furthest ahead.

In life, learning is more valuable than ego. If you don’t get their attention, learn from a distance. To learn up close, do something that will make them give you their time. Every person has some need or other. Discover it. Try to fulfill it on your own. You’ll see your work is done. Meeting your own needs is necessary, and meeting their needs is equally necessary. If they have no needs at all, then present something before them that seems essential once they see it. This is called creating demand.

There was once a time in this country when tissue paper didn’t exist. Tissue paper arrived. But why would people buy it? So demand for tissue paper had to be created. People were made to understand that this thing would make life easier. People understood, bought it, became habituated to it. People in this country understand very easily—according to your needs! People didn’t need tissue, but that people should need tissue—that was what those who brought tissue needed. Instead of focusing on selling tissue, they focused on selling the indispensability of tissue. That’s it! Tissue survived!

Your need is only necessary to you. Whatever passion surrounds it, however precious it may seem in your judgment, its value to others is zero. You are not important—why you are important, that is important. Think about that, work on that, and your work will be done!

Two. A person. Lives with their limited means. Lives on little, but lives well enough—nature has taught this person to live on little. One day. Someone comes and shows this person the dream of living with a little more. Expectation is born within them. They simply assume that living becomes impossible without that extra bit. They develop profound faith in life’s surplus. That little extra they could never get or manage to obtain. With their old little, they could no longer live—what had kept them alive all this while. Nature does not tolerate baseless expectations. New false expectations destroy human vitality. Expectation kills! Before creating expectations upon someone, you must be certain that the person knows how to consider your expectations from your position and has the sincere desire to do so.

Three. Wild nights – Wild nights!

Were I with thee

Wild nights should be

Our luxury!

Wild nights—what wild nights!

If I could be with you on such nights

This stormy night

We’d make it magnificent together in the folds of flesh!

Futile – the winds –

To a Heart in port –

Done with the Compass –

Done with the Chart!

Gusting winds—surrender—

To the heart that holds love-passion—

That heart walks the right path rightly—

It needs no direction, it never seeks guidance!

Rowing in Eden –

Ah – the Sea!

Might I but moor – tonight –

In thee!

The Lord’s dwelling place—

There, ah—how much I’ve wandered!

Tonight
– I have bound only
–

a hundred of me within you!

____________________________________

Wild Nights. Emily Dickinson’s poem.

How beautiful the first stanza reads… ah, wild nights,
love of the body,
intimate touch,
as if floating in heaven!

The next stanza. It speaks of a heart that lives very happily in love, in security, at the right address.

The last stanza sweeps away all lust and love and says…
Come then to God in supreme union—chewing puffed rice!

………………………………………………………………………………

When someone stirs body and mind so deeply with passion and love, then tells you to now have a light piss and go to sleep,
how does that feel!

This poem has put me in the worst mood!!

Thought: Six hundred seventy-six

………………………………………………………

One. After many days, I’m having to work so late at the office tonight. From nine until now. Me, my superintendent, the inspectors, the staff. Tomorrow again I’ll have to be at the office by eight. I deeply miss the pleasure of unemployment. Oh employment… trouble when you have it, trouble when you don’t!

Two. In this country, often, being unable to love or like someone powerful is considered a major failing. Alas, often, given how the powerful tend to be, it’s very difficult to like or love them; the heart doesn’t consent. Those who show them love, that love is often not sincere but self-serving; it’s not that the powerful don’t understand this, but they pretend not to, because otherwise they’d have to spend their entire lives without love! What agony it is to live pretending to receive love—this can be felt by watching the powerful.

Three. How many extraordinary films exist in this world, alas, in one lifetime not even a tiny fraction can be watched; so choosing films selectively is a wonderful way to live joyfully—missing a few bad, unnecessary films doesn’t matter at all, rather for living well it’s better to do so, time is so short!

How many extraordinary books exist in this world, alas, in one lifetime not even a tiny fraction can be read; so choosing books selectively is a wonderful way to live joyfully—missing a few bad, unnecessary books doesn’t matter at all, rather for living well it’s better to do so, time is so short!

How many extraordinary places exist in this world, alas, in one lifetime not even a tiny fraction can be visited; so choosing destinations selectively is a wonderful way to live joyfully—missing a few bad, unnecessary places doesn’t matter at all, rather for living well it’s better to do so, time is so short!

What extraordinary music exists in this world,
alas, not even the smallest fraction can be heard in one lifetime;
therefore choosing music selectively is a wonderful way to live with joy, excluding a few worthless unnecessary Nobel-brand refuse makes no difference,
rather for living well that is
what should be done,
time is so short!

When we must live anyway, living with something beautiful is lovely. So much magnificent art lies within reach,
where is the time to waste on cheap things? Those whom many applaud, look at the class of those many, see if it matches yours,
see, why must you too dance to their tune following their lead?

Reality shows and wrestling,
do you know where the greatest similarity between these two lies?
Both involve acting, both fool the audience. Both are forms of drama that make you want to believe. Just as a high-scoring performer in wrestling may not actually be strong,
similarly a high-scoring performer in reality shows may not be an artist.

Handling the shock of popularity at a young age is very difficult, and if the popular person happens to be a fool, then it becomes truly impossible!
Come, let us stay away from fools, save ourselves from becoming cheap.

Four. Ah,
how many loves fail to reach sweet fulfillment for lack of a job! Whose lack of job?
The boy’s. Yet that girl and her parents live believing in equal rights for men and women. What sweet, sweet utopian concepts this cute nation rushes forward upon!
Height of hypocrisy!!

What sounds good to hear,
we say that. What feels good to think, we think that. Saying, thinking,
doing—these three never meet,
so circumstances never change. This crisis is our culture.

The girl had promised she would stay by his side forever. The boy heard it.

Fate laughed and said, terms and conditions apply. No one could hear.

Most love stories have no marriage,
most marriage stories have no love.

Are there no exceptions?
Surely there are. Even on a shiny bald head
one can find a hair or two if searched carefully. But does that hide the baldness?

Five. Ordinary people sit for BCS exam,

Extraordinary people sit for BCS
cadres.

Six. Some people are wealthy,
the rest are either virtuous or helpless.

Seven. If someone has left you for another
person, it’s a big question who is lucky. Don’t let your troubled mind make a
conclusion. Wait. Time will say everything. To you, to them. Good luck or bad
luck rests with the future, not with the present. You’ll get the answer.
Surely. Wait to get it.

Eight. One whose duty to dignity has never surrendered to duty to survival
has not yet learned to know life.

Nine. If you remain true to yourself, nothing anyone in the world says matters at all.

Ten. Women adapt to sorrow far better than they do to happiness. We observe that happy women suffer more than those who are sorrowful. This suffering cannot be cured by wealth. The pain of a comfortable woman is the greatest pain of all.

Eleven. Two kinds of scholars command little respect:

First. The scholar who is poor.

Second. The scholar who is not creative.

Twelve. The confidence that comes from knowing how to lie brings a certain pleasure, but the helplessness of being unable to speak the truth causes far greater suffering.

Thirteen. The uneducated person who believes rumors and the educated person who believes hearsay are equally foolish.

Thought: Six Hundred Seventy-Seven

………………………………………………………

One. During my time at CUET, I found Mohua very appealing. She was one of my major crushes. Almond-shaped eyes, a sharp nose, an elongated face, slender build. Quite tall, nearly five and a half feet. Dark-complexioned. I never really spoke to her, just watched her secretly from afar. Seeing her brought a particular kind of joy. That joy was worth a hundred thousand taka. She was what one truly means by exquisite beauty.

We were in our third year then. One day, Mohua was hosting a freshman orientation for a junior batch. I was the co-host. That day she had come wearing a sari. A black checkered sari. I kept stealing shy glances at her. She looked so beautiful! A single second near such a woman is more blissful than a lifetime of virtue.

Suddenly I noticed something that made my heart sink. I saw dark marks around her navel. Horizontal lines. The kind of stretch marks that appear on the body when a heavy person loses weight.

I simply couldn’t accept it. Why should Mohua’s body have marks? How strange!

Yet that was reality. A beautiful person’s body can indeed have marks. Invisible ones. After discovering this, whether I can accept it or not is my problem, not hers. One who is beautiful remains beautiful with their marks. One who is not beautiful remains unbeautiful even without marks. To accept beauty, one must accept it complete with its marks. This is the rule.

We may like someone very much, may regard them as an ideal person in life. This is our personal matter; it doesn’t affect them in any way. They may have marks of various kinds. Invisible ones. When these occasionally catch our eye, we must accept them and embrace the person as they are. Otherwise, we should leave them alone to be themselves without bothering them.

The ability to accept someone exactly as they are—that is what we call maturity.

(By the way, Mohua’s name is not really Mohua.)

Two. When it comes to work meant for herself, a woman prefers to accomplish it through her own merit. Even if a task would take her at least a week of toiling, while her husband could get it done in seconds with a single phone call, she will never request her husband to handle it for her. This is a peculiar feminine ego!

She would petition every soul on earth if necessary, yet her husband would remain oblivious to the task at hand. For women, buying even a hairpin with their own capability brings more satisfaction than their husband purchasing an entire car with his means.

Many such households exist. Such households are often unhappy ones.

Three. In professional life, performance matters less than display.

Four. What topics during inbox conversations make you feel disgusted and irritated?

Here’s my answer:

Politics, communalism, career, my job, my family, gossiping about others, BCS exam preparation, and so forth.

Five. To those who performed poorly in the HSC examinations, I say: don’t despair. I’ve seen so many people pass their exams only to fail in life. Pass or fail in your exams as you will, but do pass in life—that’s what truly matters. Who merely passed their exams and who also passed in life will become clear in another decade or so. It’s too early to tell now. Those who pass exams but fail in life have no real worth. Rather, those who fail exams but pass in life—they are the ones who truly triumph.

He who does not lose to himself cannot be defeated by the entire world combined.

Six. What you seek may not come before you. But what is good for you will certainly appear before you! Whether you accept it or not is your personal matter. Not everyone knows how to embrace the right thing at the right time. Later, they sometimes declare: “It wasn’t in my fate, that’s why it didn’t happen.” What we sought but didn’t find lingers in our memory, drowning us in regret. What we received but didn’t take rarely stays in our memory, drowning us instead in misfortune.

How this happens, I have no explanation for. I’ve simply observed it occurring many times, so I share it. What does your experience tell you?

Seven. In this world, it’s better to live small—then you never feel homeless. Everywhere in the world there’s space for small things, but no room for big ones.

Eight. A golden crown remains a golden crown. Those who couldn’t wear the crown may claim endlessly that its gold is adulterated or something else entirely, but the crown-bearer must still be acknowledged as king. Rule or be ruled! The worthy may not always wear a crown, but whoever wears a crown is always worthy. This is reality, therefore, this is life.

How incredibly thrilling and enjoyable cricket can be—today’s match proved exactly that.

That two such civilized teams as England and New Zealand played the final—this is cricket’s greatest blessing.

No. You must win the game by playing it, not by talking about it. Winners play, the rest merely talk!

What an unbelievable match!! I’ve never seen such a match in my life!

England won the World Cup as the most deserving team. We have much to learn from today’s match.

Ten. Only when we fall into trouble do we realize that truly no one in this world is indispensable to our lives.

In times of trouble, you’ll mostly find two kinds of people. Those who watch in silence. Those who make the trouble worse. (In this unfortunate country, making trouble worse is the more popular pastime.)

Even when trouble passes, you’ll mostly find two kinds of people. Those who’ll claim they tried to help you. Those who’ll say truth has triumphed. (They would have said the same thing even if your troubles hadn’t ended.)

Those who sit in judgment during your troubled days, deciding what’s wrong and what’s right—whatever else they may be, they are certainly not friends. Mark them well, forgive them, but never forget.

Thought: Six Hundred Seventy-Eight

………………………………………………………

One. I will not give time to work where I have no love, interest, or stake. This is what it means to stay busy.

Two. The weak find joy in seeing the strong fall.

Three. The greatest benefit of falling into trouble is this: you get to see everyone’s true face.

Four. Share the best line you’ve ever read.

Here’s mine:

If you can just survive, even if you can somehow merely survive—how much happens in life!

Author: Shirshendu Mukhopadhyay

Novel: The Swimmer and the Water Maiden

(This line matches my life perfectly, which is why I love it so much.)

Five. On a different note, Afghanistan couldn’t win a single match—why did they go to the World Cup? To play? Or to sell tea and lemon? Why do those who can’t perform still take the field? To sell tea and lemon?

Six. The most helpless moment in a person’s life comes when, at an age where tears don’t suit him, he still has to cry. At such times, his existence feels safest in dreams. The very life to which he offers companionship becomes strange to him. He can no longer find anything. Whatever he begins, he cannot finish. So much pain, so very much!

Seven. Unemployed and dependent young men must often accept defeat before themselves and others in various spheres, whether that defeat is deserved or undeserved.

Eight. Those who hope that rice will reach their plate only when it’s cooking in another’s pot—such people spend their days in hunger.

Nine. Most men harbor genuine love for two things:

Sex

Children

Yet, it is women who must bear the suffering of both these joys.

Ten. Many have time to travel, but no money.

Many have money to travel,
but no time.

Many have both money to travel
and time,
but no desire to wander.

Some have neither money to travel nor time—
they have no need
to wander at all.

Which group do you belong to?

Eleven. Some great sorrows swallow smaller sorrows whole,
while some small sorrows devour the person entirely.

Twelve. Everyone says age increases, but I say it’s weight, brother………..

Thirteen. Those who tried to succeed and failed
later become critics.

Fourteen. Where there are no boundary markers,
speaking of “20 feet in front of or behind the boundary marker”
is meaningless.

Where there is no relationship,
talk of “improvement or deterioration of the relationship”
is equally
meaningless.

I see how many relationships “survive”
in a state of non-relationship! Those who are in relationships don’t have time to think about what they’re actually in.
All their time gets consumed just “doing” the relationship!
Ah, what joy floats in the air! They see as much with their eyes as they don’t see with their minds.

No love exists,
yet they fool themselves about relationships,

No money exists,
yet they swing empty wallets like donkeys!

Everyone’s flying!
Let them fly!
Kites always find
their way to the right address. No matter!!

Fifteen. The gift you bring with you defines
you to the host. Have a rich heart, have a richer moneybag.

Sixteen. One who cannot be trusted—whatever else they may be—
is certainly not mature. Getting involved
with such people leads to regret.

Seventeen. You may not yet be somebody,
but don’t be without personality.

Eighteen. Learn from those you give your time to. If there’s nothing to learn from someone,
what’s the point of giving them time? The most important thing you can give anyone in your life is time. Only fools expect time from someone without reason. Generally, there’s not much to gain from the time of someone who can give it to you for no reason at all.

Nineteen. A 6-crore life is sexier than a
6-pack life!!!

Twenty. I keep track of them,
feel like keeping track.

None of them could accomplish anything significant according to their backgrounds. I believe they won’t be able to either.

…………….Nature takes revenge. It certainly does.

Twenty-one. How much we love to suffer intensely—love itself proves this…….

No bond seems able to contain love.

Perfect love’s solid shell is riddled with holes, and through some tiny aperture, loves vanish.

Such is the tremendous pain that loves come to this earth to give one day. And countless souls………love them with all their heart.

Even when the heart weeps deeply

in no monsoon

can we reach them anymore.

Loves………actually have only one birthday. After that they remain forever—in the heart. In dense salt water, in love, they live on as aquatic beings.

Who remembers me when moonlight spreads its wares………

Dear Humayun,
How can the heart remember
someone who already lives in memory?

Twenty-two. I don’t want to write, but words torment my mind and brain. Whether we call it writing or talking to oneself, it’s a strange thing!
Speaking to oneself or not speaking—both possess tremendous power to cause pain!

Between these two pains, which one the mind can effortlessly accept is not always clear.

To write something down means—to prove or preserve proof of some joy, pain, or understanding or lack thereof. Afterwards, to be caught out by oneself.

The countless feelings within the mind—once expressed and written down, can no longer be denied. If some sorrow is expressed through writing, later, even when life requires it, even if we want to pass off that sorrow as happiness, it can’t be done. The writing sits there with proof that it was indeed sorrow, not happiness. Yet the mind sometimes truly wants to—deny it, to deceive itself. But can this really be done?
This business of dreaming almost daily of touching happiness as countless points—it proves the torment of inner feelings. Sometimes if in pain, hurt or anger the mind wants to say—I have no feelings for that person, then that too cannot be said.

Tremendous……………(Right now it’s past 3 AM. A thief came to the window and moved the curtain! I’m alone in the room, got quite scared! Taking a wooden stool, I banged loudly on the window, shouting “thief thief” and the thief quickly climbed down from the fourth floor via the sunset. And in this chase to drive away the thief, I completely forgot what I was writing!
Never mind, I’ll write the rest later.)

Twenty-three. Some suffer from your absence, some suffer from lack of attention. This is how the history of love and rebellion gets written.

Thought: Six hundred and seventy-nine

………………………………………………………

One. There are certain songs,
certain melodies, that transport us completely elsewhere. We remain there. It feels so good to stay there. We don’t want to return. We think, if only we could spend our entire lives there, it would be wonderful. The lyrics and melody of a song—
it feels so comforting to dwell with both. The philosophy within the song,
the story of life it contains,
it’s delightful to contemplate these, and there’s no fatigue at all in comparing them with one’s own life.

‘Memories in March’
has two such songs. One is “Sakhi Hum Mohan Abhisaare Jaaun,” the other is “Kaisi Ajeeb Dawaat Hai Ye.” That I was able to hear these two songs—
this seems to me a matter of great fortune. It could have happened that I died before these two songs were ever born! If we stay alive, we can touch our souls with some beautiful melodies,
some beautiful words. It feels wonderful to let them touch our eyes and mind, we experience a kind of happiness. Sometimes suddenly stumbling and falling flat in some cramped, dingy corner—this is what being alive means!
Truly, it’s because of some genius souls that our being alive has become more beautiful, we’ve found easy escape, even if temporary, from some of the melancholy and regrets of daily existence. Reverence, gratitude,
and love to Rituparno.

Of the two songs I mentioned, I tried to translate the second one in my own way. When I contemplate the words of this song, I’m left utterly stunned!
Some nights I wake up and listen to this song. Then living feels deeply comforting. I feel as though
this song is floating me away,
I’m drifting with a body light as a feather. Floating away to somewhere I’ve never been, somewhere one cannot go. I’ve never met anyone who has been to that place. The place is utterly personal and
solitary. Melody becomes a companion on such intimate journeys,
accompanied by the song’s sahajiya pathos.

Read, reflect. Please forgive me if there are errors.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

What a strange invitation this is!

No one asked me to come.

I arrive to find
no one is here.

The room is empty,
the master of the house is elsewhere.

What a strange invitation this is………

This invitation is truly strange!

Who waits for whom!

The room where I was a guest,

I see that very room upon my shoulders!

This invitation is truly strange………

The feast, it seems, has ended;

I see everyone returning home……

Only I stand alone,
uninvited.

Ah, if only the master of the house would return!

Two. A person receives the most respect at two moments in life. One. The day they marry. Two. The day they die……… We don’t see everyone marry, of course. But we do see everyone receive respect for their mortal remains after death. All religions speak of honoring the deceased. When we are alive, we can see who respects us and who doesn’t. Many show us respect merely to please us or for appearance’s sake. After death, how many truly offer heartfelt respect? Do any at all? We can no longer see then, cannot perceive who honors us and who doesn’t. The entire world is freed from our feelings. While living, we devise countless ways to paint ourselves in colors and fulfill our various desires. And after death? No one will even call us by name. All the dead have but one name: corpse or cadaver. Whether we are adorned or not, clean or unclean, prepared or unprepared for the final journey—who cares about any of this? The Japanese film Okuribito (Departures in English translation) teaches us to care for the dead.

Daigo plays cello in an orchestra. When he loses his job, he takes another—an encoffinor’s work, a livelihood that depends on others’ deaths. The task of cleaning corpses, arranging them with proper ceremony, and placing them in coffins with dignity. This work must be done with great care, with love and reverence. During this time, the deceased’s family and relatives remain nearby, performing various rituals. The rush of modern life doesn’t allow people time even for the living—who would think of devoting so much time to the dead, wiping them clean, preparing them with various treatments for burial? This is precisely what encoffinors do. People of all religions, all communities, all professions can receive this service for their loved ones after death. The relationship between the living and the living is one thing; the relationship between the living and the dead is quite different. From the day a person dies, a new relationship forms between us and them. Encoffinors initiate this new relationship. They must be perfect, professional. To prepare with utmost care for burial the very corpse that society views with contempt—this is undoubtedly the most honorable work.

Initially, Daigo didn’t take the job lightly. In time, he grew accustomed to the work. The day his wife learned about his profession, she immediately asked Daigo to quit. By then, Daigo had developed a certain commitment to the dead. He had come to love the work. He couldn’t honor his wife’s request. Gradually, his wife too came to accept Daigo’s profession. After Daigo’s father’s death, his wife herself urged him to prepare his father for the final journey. Daigo couldn’t stand his father, because his father had abandoned his mother when Daigo was small. While preparing that father’s corpse before placing it in the coffin, tears streamed down Daigo’s face. Touching someone close can overwhelm a person with profound tenderness. No one harbors anger toward the dead. And when the despised deceased is one’s father, the flames of hatred transform into tears of love.

A dialogue from this movie has etched itself into my mind: Others make your life’s final purchase for you………..This was said about buying a coffin. As this movie progresses forward, it increasingly feels like: Whatever living you can seize before death, seize it! After death, even your shadow won’t remain with you. To be alive is itself joy. The movie’s story is essentially about human relationships with other humans. There’s no imperative to live in such a way that you die bearing someone’s curse at the hour of death. The movie’s protagonist Daigo witnesses many people’s deaths from very close quarters. The more he sees death, the more he comes to know life. When immortal melodies ring out from Daigo’s cello, those very melodies place life and death side by side and hurl thousands of questions at our minds. This movie’s subject is life and death. Even while repeatedly bringing us close to death, the film ultimately leaves us in a kind of cool, dispassionate environment, stripped of melodrama.

The movie tells us that in ancient times, when the alphabet had not yet been invented, people communicated with each other through stone-letters. The weight and composition of stones revealed the giver’s state of mind. For instance, smooth-textured stones indicated the giver’s peaceful mind, while rough-textured stones revealed that the giver’s heart was restless thinking of someone. ‘Departures’ places some stone-letters in our hands. Among the stones, some are smooth, some rough, and some are such that they are neither smooth nor rough.

Three. Keeping someone who has gone very far away carefully preserved in the mind, living bound in love and prayer each day brings great peace. The one I keep will never know that I keep them, and this thought brings a kind of relief. When I die, they might learn through Facebook perhaps, but they’ll never know that this person spent their life loving them! This secret love is priceless! I’m not being caught, yet I’ve been caught since long ago—such tender feelings remain trapped within the eyes. A gentle smile traces the corner of the lips; the eyes’ truthful feelings are betrayed by the mouth too. Whenever that person comes to mind, the heart dances; even in great sorrow, that person keeps company, saying, “Why do you weep? I am here!”………..Loneliness no longer comes to devour. Often, looking into their eyes, I exclaim: It’s because I didn’t have you that I gained so much! Thank you, beloved!

Four. The world’s wicked people receive more love. Like you.

The world’s good people receive little love. Like me.

The rest of the world’s people don’t have time to read such statuses; they’re busy making love and laughing thinking of us.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, post statuses and read them.