The Plaster of Thought-Walls: 139

Thoughts: Nine-Sixty-Seven

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One. Those who don't share pictures aren't immune to troubles or illness—neither they nor their families. The suffering of those who hide their pain is the deepest of all. Don't make thoughtless comments about anyone without knowing their truth. No one sits with infinite patience waiting to digest your assumptions. Some people, if they could, would share the color of their underwear on Facebook! Not everyone is like that. To each their own life. Most of what happens in this world occurs outside Facebook. Don't rush to lament your own sorrows by assuming those who don't publicize their grief are the happiest people on earth. Everyone has their struggles. People can barely manage their own suffering—where's the time or need to hear your tales of woe? Walk your own path. You're not walking mine for me, are you?
It's deeply irritating.
Two. When people die, they find relief; when they live, they suffer.
Three. People speak like fools in three circumstances:
When they themselves are fools,

To make use of fools,

To avoid provoking fools.
Four. What is received by birthright is neither merit nor achievement. So expecting anything based on that inheritance is sheer foolishness. One who expects in this way is worthless; one who indulges such expectations is the chief of the worthless.
In this country, of course, physical strength, vocal power, and mental force are all inherited at birth.
Five. Separation is better than discord.
Six. Wherever I can sit and lose myself in writing—that is my home.
Seven. Listen then, let me tell you something. I no longer consider anyone in this world my guardian; I fear no one even slightly. If anything in this world were lost, I would feel no pain within me for that person or thing. I won't allow it—I'll handle myself in any situation. Who thinks of me that I should think of them?
One thing is clear as daylight to me: I will trust no one but God. This belief remains—if the door of this house were to close on me for any reason at this moment, God would open ten other doors for me. God's grace shadows my head, so no matter how dire the circumstances in life, God will never abandon me. He will surely open some path for me. Today my home lies beyond any house.
These words might sound absurd, but I know God will take care of me. God is my only guardian. As for parents or siblings—whatever was meant to happen with them has happened. I cannot force myself to love them, nor can I respect them, and that's not so important anyway. Blood relations are one thing, heart connections another. I'll behave well with all other family members, but that old emotion will never return. And I'm content with this much. I've suffered enough heartache investing emotion in pointless places; enough is enough—no more!
Humans are social beings. Using this excuse, society forces them to follow social rules. Society itself is a personality-less entity that keeps its members the same way through brute force. Society lacks two things greatly: work and shame. What can be done! People must inevitably live through social performance.
Eight. Some drink liquor;

Others are consumed by it.
If you truly wish to be, try to become part of the first tier of people. If you cannot, you will lose much from life. A person who can be bought with liquor and drugs is not destined for a beautiful life.
If you must drink, it's better to drink in only two ways: buy and drink, or drink while buying for others. Those who offer free drinks rarely do so without ulterior motives. Either pay money, or earn respect. If you want to drink, you must sacrifice something: either money or dignity.
Nine. People come into the spotlight in two ways:
By doing something worth fame,

By following famous people.
Now it entirely depends on you which way you choose to go viral: by eliminating the virus, or by becoming the virus yourself!
Ten. Our story could have been different! If you had been the right person in my life, life would have seemed more beautiful, I would have wanted to live a thousand years.
Sometimes I think it's my good fortune to be able to reach you; then the next moment I think anyone can meet you if they wish.
I could choose not to meet you of my own accord. But the problem is, I love you deeply.
I desperately wish you would be rare. That people couldn't just text you and expect a reply. You used to say you only wanted love; I often feel you just get entangled with the wrong people.
Sometimes I long to spend intimate, private time with you, but I can't find the courage. I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to see you.
I am alone, but I'm doing well. I say again, be rare. You need love; I pray you receive abundant love. Stay well.
Eleven. Is it better to marry someone with a modest income who will try their best to keep me happy, rather than listening to constant complaints about food and expenses?
Someone who is ready to pour everything they have into me—if such a person earns a little less than others, would they be right as a life partner?
The person who knows something of my past; sees all of my present and, understanding it all, is ready to accept me without any demands—should I marry them even if their income is modest?
But does a person remain the same before and after marriage?
Does the sincerity toward the relationship that exists before marriage continue afterward?
Each time I try to make the decision to marry under various pressures, I retreat again due to different fears, finding neither the strength nor the confidence within myself. But day by day, my family's behavior toward me is becoming so reckless that I can't understand what to do.
It will take time for me to find a job; moreover, due to various circumstances at home, I can't study properly. On top of that, I'm exhausted from constantly fulfilling this person's demands and that person's requests, carrying out duties toward various people—though I know that none of those for whom I do so much will even inquire about me at day's end, let alone express gratitude or even acknowledge these efforts.
Despite understanding all this, I don't know why I'm still terrified of marriage. I've endured so much in life that it feels as though whatever I've suffered until now, or continue to endure daily, must never repeat itself once I leave this house.
Given the circumstances I'm in, making any decision is difficult. I feel trapped from all sides. I can't find a way out of here. Though leaving this place became urgent long ago, I'm still gritting my teeth and staying, thinking that if I could just get into something—anything—I could leave. But that something just isn't happening.
Meanwhile, each time I go to sit for exams staying at someone else's house, I have to do this and that to keep them happy too. What should I really do? Which way should I go? What would make my path a little easier this time?
Thoughts: Nine-hundred Sixty-eight

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One. I've noticed that in our pursuit of dreams, we forget how to live even a few days as ourselves.
We must get good results, study at prestigious universities, land high-paying jobs. Build houses, buy cars. Land here, plots there. All preparations for losing everything, yet at the start, we don't even recognize this burden!
Everyone's running, so we keep running too.
Well, if a person spends 10 hours out of 24 on their job, wastes 6 hours sleeping, how many days does one actually live for oneself? Can we truly live even during those remaining days?
If we give away 10 hours a day to others, how many hours is that per month? Per year? While dreaming of living well, our lifespans run out.
If a person lives 60 years, how many days does he actually live for himself? He lives 25 years for others; in the remaining 35 years there's sleep, and how much time gets wasted on countless pointless tasks. How much time is spent regretting the time squandered on worthless people!
Most importantly, does everyone even live to 60?
Two. When I die, don't search for me in the sky—I will never become a star after death.

When I die, touch your fingers again and again, or keep staring at the keys of your keyboard. If you feel like it, search for me line by line in whatever melancholic poems, stories, and songs are born from your hands.
When I die, I will never become a star—know this for certain. I'll become a teardrop in your eye; or you'll see a new mole appear on your left cheek—that will be me. Or say you have a daughter—she might not be herself, but me instead.
But I keep saying this: after I die, I will never become a star. I'm afraid of becoming a star in the sky, just as I'm afraid of that gentle smile and your parting words: "Take care, you deserve someone better than me."

After death, I truly won't become a star. When I die, never look at the sky searching for stars.
After I die, I will never, in any way, become a star! People store lies among the stars.
Three. (Height of Expectation)
: Listen son, when you marry, marry a girl who will never disobey your father and me. Whatever we say will be right.

: All right, Ma.

: And listen, she mustn't go against your sister's word either. Find such a girl and then marry.

: Huh...? Oh, all right!

: You fool, why are you startled? Like this, for instance—she'll make pudding. Even if she knows how to make pudding, she'll call your sister and ask for the recipe. Even if she knows that recipe, she'll listen carefully and try to learn it again. This will make your sister happy. Don't you understand?
(The boy said nothing more. He grew confused about whether he would be getting married, or his mother would.)
Four. You know, I find you so... I, me, I—why are you like this!
Five. Everything about beloved people is wonderful, except for one problem: beloved people suddenly up and die.
Then thousands and millions of years pass, the earth grows warmer, population doubles and triples; society changes, culture transforms, science arrives with amazing discoveries and turns the world completely upside down.
The impossible becomes possible, there are settlements on Mars, people begin living on the moon, habits change from generation to generation. Yet, once a person dies, they never, ever, under any circumstances, return—they don't even get the chance.
Well, is this exactly how our parents too will leave one day and never return? Does any of this make sense?
Six. Some relationships have no name.
You won't find the exact reason why you feel such inexplicable tenderness for that person, why your heart trembles at their slightest pain, why tears gather in your eyes seeing their fever-wracked, weakened body.
And yet... yet sometimes, stepping over the barbed wire of such un-relationships, you desperately want them to brush the dust from their shirt collar and say absently, "Don't be afraid at all—I'm here!"
Well, why can't some relationships be named? Why do some people become everything to us yet remain 'no one'?
And yet, this person who is 'no one' somehow becomes so terribly much of everything, taking root like a banyan tree right in the center of the chest and standing there firmly for many, many years... it's hard even to believe!
All human affection seems directionless.
Seven. Except for the one whose judgment matters to you, never answer anyone else's judgment. They deserve your silence, not your words. Let them think whatever they wish. Fate may not have given them much, but Mark Zuckerberg has given even them their own Facebook wall. So let them speak; speaking doesn't make it so. Perhaps being able to attract your attention will be the greatest achievement of their lives—who can say! Some prove by doing, others by talking.
Eight. To get what I have received... first give up what I have given up.
Nine. Will you be my sorrow?
Ten. A person carries their own corpse.
Eleven. Chowdhury Saheb, I beg you, don't ask me to remember my girlfriend's birthday, my wife's wedding anniversary, the other wife's cat's birthday... please!
...Those don't come up in BCS prelims! Try to understand...
Twelve. Suppose you want your beloved to remember your birthday. But it's also possible that remembering dates and times isn't what love means to them. If you left the responsibility of remembering birthdays to Facebook, wouldn't that ease the pressure on your dear one a little!
Thirteen. Instead of giving all your leisure time to your beloved, keep some time for books too—this way at least your reading habit will survive. Otherwise, who will you spend time with after a breakup? Let's assume the person won't leave, will stay. There will be fights and quarrels, communication will be temporarily cut off. Then what?
Fourteen. Peace is religion.
Fifteen. He who judges does not understand, yet without understanding he still makes noise.

He who understands does not judge, understanding leads to silence.
Sixteen. People love their own incompleteness. And because they love it, they cling to precisely those things that prevent them from becoming whole.
Seventeen. Each person in this world serves a purpose. Whatever purpose someone serves, to those who don't value that work, they are worthless—even though they may be invaluable to many others. To someone who doesn't count what you can do, you're worth not even a penny. Understand your own weight before stepping on the scales.
Reflection: Nine Hundred Sixty-Nine

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One. For someone who becomes a parasite in their own home, an entire world becomes insufficient.
There are many wounds that time can never heal; rather, with time those scars only grow darker.
Just as there are countless ungrateful children in the world, there are also many ungrateful parents; nothing can satisfy them, and by day's end, some parents find that very child to be their golden child who kicks them around at every turn!
Just as some children cannot be pleased, some parents too cannot be satisfied, and like ungrateful people, they inevitably find fault in everything! Those whose nature is to seek flaws will find flaws even in paradise.
Two. If people spoke as carefully as they pass gas in front of others, they wouldn't get into trouble. Yet careless flatulence causes no harm, while thoughtless words often do.
Three. We want freedom, yet we fear breaking chains. Why, you know? To become free, two wings are enough, but breaking chains—many chains must be broken! When this occurs to the mind, it says, "Don't fly!" and the body says, "Stay put!"
Four. Not everyone knows how to love. Some feel insecure when they try to love. Then they begin strict surveillance of their beloved's movements. This makes both gradually sick and melancholic. Love thus transforms into fear and burden. Better to go hungry than to get entangled in such relationships.
Five. Some relationships remain beautiful only when there's distance.
Six. Though people seek to cure their loneliness by being with others, human loneliness is never meant to be fulfilled. In truth, people fear change.
When a person is alone, they fear companionship, fear becoming accustomed to and dependent on someone else; they fear thinking that someone might betray them!
And when they're with a companion, that same person fears being alone without their partner, fears this sudden change in habit, fears an uncertain tomorrow! They think, if I become alone again, what will I live for!!
Seven. After a certain time, people become afraid of solitude. In fear of loneliness, knowing someone to be the wrong person, one still clings to them merely to fill the void of companionship.
Slowly the night deepens, the pain of solitude begins to embrace them from all sides in such a way that in that moment, they begin to feel like the greatest burden on earth to themselves.
People gather all their strength to keep even their meager self-control within their grasp.
These moments are so difficult that often even a person successful in many ways comes to themselves and somehow becomes helpless. The person who shows the light of hope to countless people every day, keeping them alive, looks at themselves and wonders, "Why do I feel like such debris to myself?"
While people can bear the burden of others, they cannot easily bear their own burden. This is why sometimes even relationships built with the wrong people survive in a way.
People know and understand that the person they are with is not at all the right person for them, that they will never properly value them, that at the end of the day this emotional distance will only keep growing, yet still they cling to that person—not because they cannot live without them; they actually cling on from fear of their loneliness, from fear of losing in the battle with themselves.
Life teaches through untimely turns that sometimes people are compelled to become disobedient to themselves, not merely from attachment or habit!
Eight. Dear Sayan,
Why do childhood friends get lost as we age... I cried a lot listening to this song once upon a time.
Lately I cry listening to this song. Sometimes I need certain tears.
This creation of yours will save many relationships from breaking apart for ages to come. Those people will remember you, love you, which you will never even know.
May you always be well.
Nine. Let silence take the decision.
Ten. Boys think life would be much happier if they got two things: a job and a wife.
After getting both, boys think life would be much happier if they gave up two things: the job and the wife.
Eleven. From both the one we love and the one we hate, we receive hurt. We receive the first kind of hurt because we love; we hate because we receive the second kind.
Twelve. Whose anger belongs to whom!

Whose worship belongs to whom!
Thirteen. In the name of love, people primarily fulfill their own needs—mental or physical or both.
Fourteen. People very easily ask for these two things from other people: time and money; yet both are very precious. Can precious things be asked for without reason... and that too from just anyone? Giving money is difficult, giving time is more difficult; giving either to a stranger for no reason is most difficult.
The funny thing is, people usually ask for these two things from someone who has benefited them. When they don't get what they ask for, they then misunderstand, sometimes even get angry. People are such expectation-loving creatures. People simply don't want to understand that whoever feels the pain bears the consequence.
People never go to someone through whom they are never benefited. No one misunderstands them either, no one gets angry at them either. They don't even come to anyone's mind. They are safe from all sides.
Do you know why time is more precious than money? Because while anyone's money can serve your purpose, not just anyone's time will serve your purpose. While all money is the same, not all time is the same. The value of time varies from person to person.
Fifteen. The girl has just been married. She lives at her in-laws' house; her husband stays in a distant district, driven by the demands of livelihood. The husband comes occasionally, stays for a day or two, then leaves. The girl simply waits.
One day, while waiting, absentmindedly she drew a picture of her husband. How beautiful that picture was... but the poor thing did not draw her husband's feet... for fear that if she drew the feet, her husband might just run away from the picture!
Ah, are all beloved ones destined to flee!
Thoughts: Nine-hundred seventy

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One. Mosquitoes and scoundrels belong to the same species. In their actions, mosquitoes perfectly imitate scoundrels. To serve their interests, scoundrels first prostrate themselves at people's feet; mosquitoes too come and settle on feet. Scoundrels consume the flesh of people's backs, meaning they go behind people to slander and attempt harm. Because they malign people in their absence, one name for scoundrels is 'flesh-eater of the back.' Mosquitoes too pierce the back with their stings and drink blood. To achieve their evil purposes, scoundrels whisper various kinds of deceitful yet sweet words in people's ears. Mosquitoes too, before drinking blood, hum sweetly near the ear. The moment scoundrels find a gap—an opportunity—they penetrate into people's homes and hearts and fearlessly cause harm. Mosquitoes behave exactly the same way: finding even a tiny hole in the mosquito net, they slip inside and drink blood in comfort.
Two. How should we acknowledge our mistakes?
To achieve our purpose, we must courageously step forward in humility to confess our sins in their entirety; then we cannot let ourselves be deterred by any apprehension. When a snake injects poison into our body, it is toxic; but medicine that saves lives is made from that very snake's venom, which, when introduced into the body, can preserve life. When we commit sin, it is abhorrent; but when we confess that sin and feel remorse, it becomes beneficial and empowering. Repentance and confession are so beautiful and fragrant that they erase sin's ugliness and dispel its stench.
If we are truly humble, we will be deeply disgusted by our sins because they displease God; but confessing them will be sweet and delightful to us because it pleases God. When we openly tell a doctor about an illness that troubles us, we feel some relief. When we approach our guru, we must imagine ourselves sitting in the dust at the feet of God—at the feet of our own soul. To wash away all our stains, precious blood flows like sweat from every part of the guru's body. Through the guru's labor and sweat our sins will be cleansed, and we will be freed from sin. So that sins may exit through confession, we must open the doors of our hearts. For the more sin departs from the mind, the more the supreme virtue of sacred suffering will enter the heart to fill it with its blessings.
For this, everything must be said simply—nothing hidden or concealed—so that conscience may remain forever joyful. And when that work is finished, we must listen to the advice and guidance of the guru, God's servant; we must say in our hearts: "Speak, Lord, for your humble servant listens." Then we hear God's own words, for He tells His spokesperson, the true guru: "Whoever listens to you, listens to Me." Thus gradually self-knowledge awakens and the soul finds liberation from darkness.
Three. Let us give some space in our minds to thoughts about death.
1. Stand yourself before God.

2. Pray to Him for His grace.

3. Imagine yourself lying on your deathbed, with no hope of recovery.
Keep certain matters always in mind:
1. Remember, you do not know when death will come knocking at your door. One day you must leave this body behind. When will that day come, where, and how? In winter or summer? In the city or countryside? During the day or at night? Will that death come announced or unannounced? Will you die of illness or accident? Will you have time then to confess your wrongs, or will you not? At the time of death, will you find a teacher patient enough to listen to your transgressions? Alas, we know nothing about these matters! We know only that we shall die; and however long we hope to live, we almost always die before that time.
2. Remember, the world will then vanish from your sight, nothing of it will remain for your enjoyment. This world will lie prostrate before your eyes. Yes, then all amusements and revelries, all pride and pomp, all joy and pleasure, all boundless love and affection—all of it will seem like a mirage. Alas, how unfortunate I am! What trivial and empty desires have driven me to such deeds! Because of this, God has grown angry with me. You will see that in your greed for the worthless, you have forgotten God countless times. From another perspective, it will seem that devotional practice and virtuous deeds were so desirable and sweet to you, and yet, why did you not follow that path of beauty and joy? The sins that once seemed so small will now appear as large as mountains, while your devotion will seem very small. Then, alas, it will be too late!
3. To bid farewell to this transient world and depart will require great strength from you; it will be very painful. Consider this: you will take leave from wealth and abundance, pride and arrogance, entertainment and pleasure, friends and companions, games and sports, friends and neighbors, relatives and kin, sons and daughters, husband and wife—in short, from everyone. And lastly, you will bid farewell to your own body; that body will lie pallid, skeletal, becoming like refuse, putrid with foul odor.
4. Think how quickly your body will be removed and buried in the earth; and consider that once the body is buried, this world will no longer think of you. Even if you wanted to remember others, you would not be able to, and this world would not want to remember you at all. How many people there are while living—where are they once dead? Everyone will say, "May God give peace to your soul"—that's all, nothing more. O Death, you care for no one; what a merciless truth you are!
5. Consider that after departing from the body, the soul takes either the right or left path! Alas, where will your soul go, or which path will it take then? The same path it began to follow in this life. Your responsibility is to let the soul walk the beautiful path while you are still alive.
Come, let us plan some work and set about implementing it.
1. Pray to God, throw yourself upon His breast. O Lord, on that terrible day grant me refuge. Let that moment be one of joy for me; let everything be favorable to me; for that sake, even if the other days of my life are filled with sorrow and suffering, there shall be no regret.
2. Despise this world. O world, since I do not know exactly when I shall leave you, I will not allow any attachment to you to arise within me. O my friends and companions, may I love you only through that sacred friendship which remains imperishable forever. For why should I bind myself to you with bonds that must decay and be severed? The bond with the soul is the most beautiful bond.
3. I shall prepare myself for that moment; and I shall remain conscious of all that is necessary to take joyful leave of this world. I shall strive as best I can to keep my conscience elevated, and I shall correct these flaws and transgressions of mine. There is no meaning to the life of one who does not reform himself.
What must be done when thoughts of death arise—I write this briefly:

Give thanks to Him for the resolutions that God has granted you. Dedicate them to the Supreme Lord; pray to Him again that through the merit of your thoughts, labor, and actions, He may make your death joyful. Prayer is liberation, supreme welfare lies in prayer. Repent... for spiritual death and rebirth—even before physical death.
Reflection: Nine Hundred and Seventy-One

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One. Some practices may be undertaken to make oneself aware and vigilant about sin.
1. Stand yourself before God.

2. Pray to Him for inspiration.
Come, let us now reflect upon certain matters.
1. Consider how long ago you first set foot upon the path of sin; do not forget to contemplate how much that sin has grown within you since the day you first transgressed. Reflect upon how you have multiplied sins daily against God, against yourself, against your neighbor—through deed and word, through greed and through the very workings of your mind.
2. Remember your inclination toward sinful acts and how far you have followed those inclinations. Contemplating these two matters, you will see that your sins have multiplied beyond the number of hairs upon your head! Your sins and transgressions outnumber even the grains of sand in the desert!
3. Consider separately the sin of ingratitude you have shown toward God—a sin that spreads among other sins, making them utterly abominable. Then see how many gifts God had bestowed upon you, and how you have misused them against the very Giver, particularly how many of His inspirations you have ignored, how many virtuous endeavors you have personally sabotaged. Above all, how many times have you received the sacraments of virtue, and what has been the result? What has become of those precious gems with which your beloved Friend, beloved Teacher, beloved Creator adorned you! They lie buried beneath your sins. What preparation did you make to receive them? While God continuously pursues you to save you, you yourself are always fleeing from Him toward death. Reflect well upon this ingratitude of yours.
Now I speak of what you can do.
1. Be ashamed of all your errors. Say: O my God, where do I find the courage to stand before You? Alas, I am the refuse of this world, a sewer of ingratitude and sin! Is it possible that I have become so unfaithful to You that there is no sense in me, no power of mind, that I have not corrupted, defiled, and made filthy? And not a single day has passed in my life when I have not committed these offenses. Is this the proper return for the gifts my Creator has given me?
2. Resolve to live well. O Lord, never again, through Your grace, never again shall I surrender myself to the current of sin. Alas, I loved this sin too well; now I despise it. O merciful Father, I embrace You. I wish to live in You and with You.
3. I shall courageously confess my past sins so they may be erased; not one sin shall remain that I do not cast out from my heart.
4. I shall strive with all my might to uproot from my heart all the roots of sin, especially those sins that trouble me most.
5. I shall endeavor throughout my entire life to make atonement for sin, and never shall I entertain the thought that there is no longer any need for self-correction, that I now deserve respite.
Let me speak briefly.
**One.** Gratitude. Give thanks to God; until now He has waited for you with patience, and has bestowed upon your mind these good inclinations and impulses.
**Two.** Offering. Offer your heart to Him so that He may grant you the power to transform your understanding into action.
**Three.** Prayer. Pray to Him to accept your surrender and to lead you toward the light.
**Two.** To attain spiritual enrichment, one must express devotion to God. This is the first step in spiritual progress. To surrender one's heart to Him, the following practices may be undertaken:
**One.** Stand before God.
**Two.** Pray for inspiration.
Why should you meditate upon Him?
**One.** Remember all that God has given you for your body; think of your body itself, of all the conveniences provided for its sustenance, of the various wholesome pleasures for the body, of such good friends and assistance. Consider how easily you can maintain yourself in health and strength under God's protection. Compare yourself with those whose circumstances could have been like yours, yet who have not received these gifts—such as those who are disabled in body and limb; those whose health is poor; those who bear the burden of others' reproach, censure, hatred, and dishonor; those who are poor and suffering. God did not wish for you to be wretched like them. Feel God's presence in your heart.
**Two.** Remember all that you have received for your mind. How many people exist in this world whose intellects are dull, who speak nonsense, who are mad; and why are you not among them? Who are you that you did not need to be fashioned thus? God is truly pleased with you. So many people have become like barbarians and complete fools! Yet the benevolent God has given you every opportunity to receive good education and grow up like a refined person.
**Three.** Remember your spiritual gifts. From youth itself, God has taught you to know Him. How many times has He granted you His sacred blessings! How many times has He inspired you, kindled divine light within your heart, reproved you for your correction! How many times has He forgiven your faults! How many times has He rescued you from the brink of spiritual destruction! And in the days past, did you not receive leisure and opportunity to advance on the path of your soul's welfare? Consider deeply how kind and gracious God has been toward you.
How shall you undertake these tasks?

1. Wonder at how generous God is. How gracious God has been to me. His benevolence knows no end. O Lord, your heart overflows with the wealth of compassion. How generous you are in love and mercy! O my heart, may we speak forever of the graces he has bestowed upon me.

2. Be astonished at how ungrateful you are. Say, O Lord, what am I that you should remember me? How worthless I am! Alas, I have trampled underfoot the gifts you gave me. I have insulted your graces; scorning your supreme benevolence, I have misused them. I have blocked the path of your infinite mercy and grace with the heavy stone of my bottomless ingratitude.

3. Stir yourself with gratitude. Say then, O my heart, be no more faithless, ungrateful, rebellious toward this great benefactor; and will my heart not now turn to God? What am I doing to please that God who dwells within me, who works such wonders for me, and who bestows such exquisite grace?

4. Since God has done so much for you, withdraw your body from various pleasures and dedicate it to his service. Through such practices, employ all the powers of your heart to know him and be grateful to him—practices that will aid you in noble pursuits. Carefully observe the means prescribed for your salvation and for loving God. Convince yourself: Yes, I will regularly engage in meditation, prayer, and holy sacraments; I will listen to God's sacred word; I will practice the inspirations and counsels I receive.
In brief:

1. Thanksgiving. Thank God for enlightening you about your duties and the opportunities you have received thus far.

2. Offering. Offer your heart to him with all your resolutions.

3. Petition. Humbly seek from him the strength and refuge to build a life exactly like that of those who have received his grace.
Reflection: Nine hundred seventy-two

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One. Let us engage in some dialogue with our soul about the purpose of our creation.
1. Place yourself before God.

2. Pray to him for inspiration.
Why Do This?
1. God did not create you because He had some need; for He has no need of you. He created you to manifest within you how merciful He is in bestowing His grace and glory upon you. And for this purpose, He has given you understanding to know Him, memory to remember Him, will to love Him, imagination to envision His gifts before your eyes, two eyes to behold His wondrous works, a tongue to sing His praises, and many other faculties besides.
2. Having created you for this purpose and brought you into the world, you must abandon and avoid everything that opposes Him, every action contrary to His will; and regard as trivial and worthless whatever does not serve this end, dismissing it as hollow and irrelevant.
3. Remember the misfortune of those worldly people who live without contemplating this truth, as if they were created merely to build houses, plant trees, accumulate wealth, and revel in meaningless pleasures.
How to Do This?
1. Be ashamed, reproach yourself for your degraded condition. You have committed many wrongs in the past; you have paid little or no attention to these matters. You will say: Alas, my God! If I have not thought of You, then whom have I been thinking of all this time? Forgetting You, whose memory have I cherished? Not loving You, whom have I loved? Alas, instead of embracing what is supremely true, I have remained absorbed in false and hollow things; thus I have been serving the very world that should have served me.
2. Despise your past life filled with errors. O my vain and worthless thoughts, I renounce you. O my contemptible and empty memories, I abandon you with an oath. O my faithless and ungrateful companions, hollow and pitiable earthly pleasures, selfish and wearisome indulgences—I reject you all.
3. Immerse yourself in thoughts of God. Say within your heart: O my God, my Savior, from now on You shall be the essence of all my thoughts. I will never entertain any thought that displeases You. I will fill my entire life with the memory of the sweet love and compassion You have shown me. You will be the joy of my heart, the nectar-vessel of all my affections. All those petty and foolish attachments that clouded my mind for so long, all those worthless activities in which I wasted so much time—from today I will be terrified remembering them; and to escape their grip, I will do these specific things. (It would be excellent to name these actions during prayer.)
In Brief:
1. Gratitude. Thank God for creating you with such a noble purpose: O Lord, You created me for Yourself so that I might rejoice eternally in Your infinite glory. When will I become worthy of this? When will I have the power to offer You fitting praise?
2. Offering. With heart and soul, with my entire being, O my beloved Creator, I dedicate these affections and resolutions to Your service.
3. Prayer. O my God, accept these desires of mine, grant me Your blessings. May I be able to walk life's path, turning all my blood into sweat.
Two. The role of prayer in purifying the soul is infinite. You may try this practice in solitude; you will find peace.
1. Place yourself before God.

2. Pray to Him for inspiration.
Why should you do this?

1. Remember, just a few years ago you did not exist in this world at all; you had no being whatsoever. Alas, where were you then! This earth has existed for ages; yet it took no account of you.

2. From nothingness God created you solely through His grace to shape you into what you are; for He had no need of you. You are not indispensable.

3. Remember the being God has given you; for in this world, this being is supreme. This being has the power to live eternally and to unite with that supreme King of kings.
How should you do this?

1. Bow humbly before God. Say from your heart: "Before You I am nothing. What did You think of me that You created me?" Alas, all this time you were submerged in that primordial ocean of infinite void; had God not rescued you from there, you would have remained there still; and what could you have done in that great emptiness?

2. Give thanks to God. Pray and say: O my great, supremely benevolent Creator, how indebted I am to You. For in Your infinite compassion You consented to accept me in my insignificance, to shape me into what I am. Will I ever have the strength to sing worthy praises of Your holy name and to thank You for Your infinite benevolence?

3. Let your heart fill with shame. Confess with downcast eyes: Alas! O my Creator, instead of merging myself with You through love and service, I have made myself rebellious by becoming entangled in the web of boundless delusion; by remaining attached to sin I have separated myself from You; I have shown You no reverence for Your grace; I have behaved as if You had not created me.

4. Prostrate yourself before God. Looking at yourself, say: O my soul, know that the Lord is your God; He has created you; you did not create yourself. You have become what you are because God dwells within you.

5. I myself am nothing. Therefore I no longer wish to revel in self-satisfaction. Today I tell myself, you are dust and ashes! What do you feel proud about? You are not truly anything special; then why do you puff yourself up? So resolve today before yourself to humble yourself: I will certainly do such and such work; I will patiently bear such and such insults. I will change my way of life, from now on I will follow my Creator. For the being He has given me, I will praise Him. Just as I will learn, in exactly that way I will serve Him by fully employing this being; and in this matter I will seek guidance from my teacher.
Let me speak briefly.
1. Thanksgiving. Give thanks to God. O my soul, sing praise to your Supreme Lord; let all that is within me sing of His holy name; for He has rescued me from infinite emptiness through His grace and created me in supreme compassion.
2. Offering. O God, the being You have given me, I offer it to You with my whole heart. I surrender and dedicate myself to You.
3. Supplication. O God, give me strength in all these devotions and resolutions. Accept my virtues along with all those for whom I should pray, that they may receive Your mercy.
Reflection: Nine hundred seventy-three

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One. Why should man abandon the allure of sin? The primary reason is a terrible terror about the great harm sin causes us, from which arises a kind of deep and intense remorse in our minds. Even if remorse is weak, if it is truly genuine, especially if it is connected with the reception of virtue's sacrament, it visibly delivers us from sin's grasp; likewise, when remorse is intense and profound, it frees us from all attachment to committing sin.
As a result of weak and feeble hatred or enmity, we dislike those we hate and we avoid them. But if it becomes severe and fierce, then not only do we avoid or dislike those we hate, but our entire body recoils in disgust at the sight of them, we cannot bear contact with their friends and relatives. Indeed, even their pictures and belongings evoke deep revulsion and irritation in our minds.
So we see that when a repentant person hates his sin with a weak heart, he truly resolves never to sin again, but when his remorse for sin becomes powerful and intense, he not only hates sinful acts but also hates the temptation to sin, and hates everything that originates from sin and all associated matters; and everything that drags man toward the path of sin. That is why I say, the more one can practice repentance and remorse, the better; then one can easily hate everything connected with sin, however trivial it may be.
We see that at the time of conversion, great souls abandon their attachment to sin and the pleasures they found in it so completely that these things never again cross their minds. They declare loudly that they not only hate sin; they hate everything that drags us toward the path of sin. In this, the mind finds ever-new youth, just like the hawk.
Two. Why, why should humans have a lifespan of merely sixty-seventy years? A full hundred years would be needed just to lie on green grass with hands and feet spread out, looking up at the sky with mouth agape!
Even to lie quietly with one's head on mother's lap—that alone would take less than four hundred and sixty years for a person!
Why, why should humans have such a short lifespan?
Just to keep gazing at how lovely it looks when one's beloved smiles—for that alone a person needs at least ninety years!
To remember, drenched in moonlight at midnight, the stories of a three-thousand-year-old life—for that alone a person needs twenty-eight crore years!
Why, O God, why did You send man into this world with such a short lifespan? Born today, and tomorrow I see death arriving at the door, taking me by the hand and saying, "You've lived enough, come now, your train has arrived."
Today, suddenly, why does my heart yearn to live for billions of years, O God? I hear that humans wish to stay this way before departing. Am I then also...
Three. I can never forgive those people who see another's melancholy as mere pretense. I call them murderers.
Sometimes I feel utterly exhausted. For no reason at all, completely unnecessarily. Then it seems I am neither happy nor sad; I am simply tired.
I desperately want to flee from everything... from where I am, from whom I'm with, from whatever position I'm in—from all of it. If I could escape, I would survive. Not with anyone else—I want to take my own hand and run away.
I don't know where I want to go. I only know I don't want to stay here.
I desperately seek freedom from myself. Raising both hands toward the sky, I cry out: Living has become so exhausting for me!
Four. From the day I stopped taking life seriously, my happiness began returning.
From the day I started thinking that no one in the world means anything to me, I've been sleeping well at night.
From the day I stopped worrying about career, I began feeling light as a bird.
Now I think, alas! What tremendous gain did I get from running breathlessly in that breathless style?
Now I am nobody to anyone, and nobody in the world is anybody to me. Let whoever die however they please!
I see the days are passing quite well.
The dreams of happiness we see while desperately trying to live long eventually come to an end. Only then can we truly begin to live.
Five. I call someone very dear to me 'Froggy.'
In knowledge, virtue, and sweetness, this person is exactly like a magician. I can't remember the last time I called someone by another name with such enchantment.
Among the crowds of messages in my inbox, I only search for my Froggy's message first. Morning, noon, or night—whatever it may be—the moment I open my eyes, I look to see if any message has come from the name 'Froggy.' When they appear before my eyes, I feel good.
This sudden, unexpected tenderness that springs up toward someone, this heap of enchantment that accumulates toward someone for no reason at all—is this called falling in love, or is it merely infatuation? Between love and infatuation lies a thin veil called affection.
Why would a person be so loving, so tender? Why does someone who was nobody suddenly become so much? Why doesn't the person of life become the person of living?
Six. People say, "Zindagi na milegi dobara"—life won't come twice.
I understand everything, yet don't want to accept it. Why won't such a beautiful life come twice in this wretched fate? When will I ever touch so many dreams in such little time?
A tiny life, small as an ant—how much desire can ever truly be fulfilled? Just when I begin to understand, I see it's all over!
I could spend a whole hundred years just gazing at the sky. Even a lifetime isn't enough to satisfy this yearning to watch the heavens! I want to spend two hundred years looking into the eyes of my beloved—those eyes brimming with exuberance or melancholy. We have everything, yet we lack the time to watch our beloved laugh and cry.
I want to hold my mother tight against my chest for a thousand years. I want to lose myself somewhere the sorrows cannot find me, and from where I too cannot find my way back home.
Why won't life come twice, O God? Why? So much remains unseen...
Seven. A man went to the land of the blind to sell mirrors. Then all the blind people together destroyed his eyes. They had an ironclad logic behind this: once he joins our group, the poor fellow won't have to struggle selling mirrors anymore.
You'll see many birds who save fish from drowning in water. Compassion is such a great virtue.
But the birds aren't at fault. They've never lived in water, so they think nothing but an ocean of air is fit for living. They want the fish to live like them. Bring them into the air and they'll be able to live well. No matter how hard they try, the fish cannot make the birds understand that just as one can live in air, one can live in water too. The birds wonder, how is survival possible without air? Meanwhile, the fish kingdom is so vast that they have no time to think about the bird kingdom, because they're content in their own realm. Though the fish don't live in the bird kingdom to see it, they don't try to drag the birds into the water kingdom either, because they don't need the birds to survive. The fish do dream sometimes that one day the birds too will learn to live without pulling the water fish into the air.
Good morning, friends!
One day you'll see that what was more important than what you did was precisely what you once failed to do out of fear or shame. Your potential is infinite. Beyond what you see, there's much more to see, to understand. So today...sit calmly, think before you decide. If you can't think clearly, take time, return to nature, don't say or do anything hastily. You are human, and being human means you'll make mistakes in haste. One day it will seem none of this was really necessary.
If a couple of years get spent from life, let them. Nothing comes of it. When age increases, a lot of energy gets wasted in regret. Then everyone in the world seems bad, even oneself! Life is quite a long journey, most of which lies beyond your present thoughts.
People think they'll just drop dead, yet the blissful tragedy is that they must live for a long time. If dying were easy, people would have survived! So don't just keep looking around. Their lives aren't yours, only theirs. Don't imitate others' paths, follow your own heart. This doesn't happen instantly; it must be mastered through constant practice. Remember, no one really lives badly, but most people cannot live the way their heart wants.
One who misunderstands others is foolish.

One who misunderstands oneself is miserable.