The Plaster of Thought-Walls: 135

Thought: Nine Hundred Forty-Nine

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1. Boyfriends of Argentine supporters, beware! Doesn't look like you'll find work in this lifetime! Though even if you never amount to much in life, no problem—your girlfriends have endless patience and will never abandon you. Love is blind, and the love of Argentine supporters is blind pro-max! So if you're going to fall in love, better to do it with an Argentine supporter. That bond will never break... A blind household is a happy household.
2. You're wondering why I'm not writing anything even after Brazil's such a victory! I know, waiting for one of my posts, all your hair is turning grey!
Look, Brazil wins quite often—how much can one write! Still, thinking of you all, let me say: defeat needs a thousand explanations, victory needs none. Victory is itself the most beautiful explanation. Winners win by doing, losers win by talking. Winners play on the field, losers play on Facebook. You have to understand, boss!
Long ago I watched a movie: A Serbian Film. If you haven't seen it, no need to. This thing is harmful for mental health to digest.
Why did I mention the movie? No reason, just mentioned it; I mean, mentioned it randomly. Why did I mention it randomly? On my wall I'll say whatever I want, randomly. Just as you all support Argentina randomly without any reason—have I ever said anything to you about that? Then why would you say anything to me?
By the way, before yesterday I didn't know Richarlison. After yesterday I'll never be able to forget him. Some can't win even playing with hands and feet, while others intoxicate the whole world with the magic of their feet! Another one added to the most spectacular goals I've ever seen. Vamos, Brazil!
3. To be happy, just do two things:

Stop overthinking RIGHT NOW!

Stay away from the person who overthinks.
Remember, overthinking kills.
4. Most of the people who overthink are toxic, psychopaths.
5. What! You don't love me? That means you must love Sadia!

What! You don't support Argentina? That means you must be a Brazil supporter!

Why are we so cute? Are the other teams just rice pudding?
We love Saudi Arabia, we support Argentina.

We love Kulsum, we fancy Bilkis.

Messi in our hearts, Messi in our brains; the other ten are from Maradona's country, hence Bangladesh's.
6. All this time I haven't contacted you, yet you never once checked on me. I haven't asked you for anything, don't ask, won't ask either; so what makes you avoid all other matters this way? That day you said you'd call in a minute... yet this is your one minute?
Thinking I'll get carried away if you express love, you never pay attention to anything of mine. Whether I stay or go, even if it hurts you, you don't let it show, and though I know it, I've never said these things before. How much I love you, how much I want you—it's beyond your imagination, but I've kept it buried, because you think I might be diminishing myself.
Actually, it's nothing like that. When you love someone, expressing that love to them, becoming smaller in their presence — none of this diminishes love's worth. Rather, it lets you feel your own strength. Where is it written that everyone's philosophy of love must be the same? Because I have continued to desire you despite your neglect and devaluation, ignoring them completely — this is precisely why I can still love, and will continue to do so. These things truly don't matter to me... how much you acknowledge my love or whether you do at all. And you might think that I could come to you whenever I wished, yet deliberately choose not to; the matter really isn't like that. I have always longed to stay with you a little, whatever the cost within my means! Due to many family reasons I cannot do anything, but when the time comes that I have my own strength and capacity, I certainly will be able to.
I know that one day or another, I will have something of my own. I simply wait for those days. I don't know whether by then you will have turned your heart elsewhere, whether you'll have even the slightest need for me. That could very well happen, because people have limits to their endurance — you won't spend your whole life setting aside everything to wait for me, for when I might be able to come to you. Perhaps you're not even waiting; but none of that changes anything. Especially because when the person you love sleeps with someone else, they don't simply become that other person's — there's always a mental dimension to love!
I have no problem with you being with however many other women! I know how to let go of my love. What I cannot do for you — I never expect that from you in return. I don't want you to deprive yourself for my sake. You'll do whatever you please; that's your choice. Even if I forbade it, you'd do it in secret anyway. I won't complain about anything anymore. The day I can come to you, I will; if I can't, I won't hold you back. Even if you do whatever you wish, my love for you will never diminish. I will never again tell you how desperately I long to come to you, how I feel you every moment, how much I love you. I'll have many opportunities to make love understood... I know all of this.
7. To celebrate Argentina's defeat, one of my junior colleagues bought 15 kilos of sweets and distributed them in various places. I myself ate three pieces of those sweets. Remarkably delicious sweets. They would have been just as delicious had Argentina won. Whether in defeat or victory, sweets don't change their taste.
I've always said that as much as we are supporters of Argentina or Brazil, we are equally anti-Brazil or anti-Argentina supporters. As a people, we are as much sports-lovers as we are sports-haters. War is in our blood!
Anyway, I personally know the owner of the shop from where he bought the sweets. The owner and his entire family are devoted supporters of Argentina. The gentleman has even covered his sweet shop with Argentina's flag. It looks boundless as the sky.
Yet what happened here! For a handful of rupees... business or calculation has always defeated love so mercilessly, age after age.
You might say that had the shop owner known the purpose behind buying the sweets, he never would have sold them. Of course you'd say that — perfectly natural! Love is blind, after all!
Worth noting: after eating three pieces of sweets, I remembered the number of goals scored in today's match. I understood then — it's all His play!
Thought: Nine Hundred Forty

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1. A serpentine love, the profound bond between two souls, and the grand departure of a radiant butterfly. Perhaps this is how one becomes immortal even in death, how one continues to exist in silent, profound ways even after departing.
Aindrila has triumphed, love has triumphed, Sabyasachi has triumphed—death has been defeated by a pure, death-conquering love that stands proudly at the crossroads of devotion.
Not everyone abandons; some keep their word, some are born with the rare fortune of dying with their beloved's head resting upon their chest.
When people leave over trivial excuses, when they let go midway despite promises of lifelong companionship—amidst such crowds, Sabyasachi holds his dying beloved tightly to his chest, making it crystal clear that nothing in this world is more precious than love.
Living even one day with pure love is far more glorious, far more blessed than living a hundred years with flawed affection.
Even a second before death, Aindrila could feel that someone was beside her, that someone had not stepped away even in such dire times. How many are blessed with such contentment, such refuge, such joy before death? What greater happiness exists than the bliss of the final moment before departure!
Yes, some are born with such enviable fortune! Some do experience such unburdened, peaceful death!
2. Do you know what's common between Argentina's fans and my followers?

Both groups are still dancing over one old victory!
3. Your result says it all... though everything is His will.
4. Do the ugly citizens make their country ugly?

Or does an ugly country make its citizens ugly?

What's your opinion?
5. But am I perhaps that odd person who has no frenzy—let alone any headache—about the World Cup?
Note: I learned only a week ago that the World Cup is starting this month!
6. Humans bind themselves in the shackles of social norms out of fear of being alone. One could say they are compelled to bind themselves. Perhaps this is why humans are the only creatures who, despite being free, remain enslaved. To live collectively, one accommodates many aspects of others in exchange for something else, because at day's end, one must return there—there is nowhere else to return to, or perhaps even with the means, one lacks the mental strength to live alone.
We constantly struggle with the people who stay with us, sometimes treating them unfairly over matters where we don't align. We all want others to understand us, to learn to accept us, to embrace us as we are—yet we also know that surviving without them is impossible! Still, even against our own wishes, we silently endure everything.
Thus, gradually, we become hostages to others. Our most personal desires and aversions, preferences and dislikes—all somehow vanish. In this way, we progressively become trapped in invisible chains. Humans are so fragile that they cannot break their own shackles.
I've known you since 2015. I say "known" because I'm not sure if this can be called a relationship of any kind. In these seven years, this is the first time I've been forced to cut your call. I've never cut your calls—far from it, I can count on my fingers how many calls I haven't been able to receive. I sit waiting for your call like a crow at a pilgrimage site, wondering when you'll phone. I know you'll never call to tell me stories out of love, yet still I wait. I like waiting. When I wait, you remain close to me.
Have you ever waited for someone like this? Or continued loving someone the same way despite constantly receiving neglect and indifference from them? If you have, then you'd understand how much it hurts to swallow all this daily from your end. Because I know how deeply I love you. I know that if I sit nursing my ego, even if I win, I'll lose the person I love. Or someone else will come and fill this space, because no place remains empty for long. Something or other always fills it.
This love of mine means nothing to you—love doesn't exist in your rulebook, I know that too—but do you know why I still stay? Because my love has value to me. I want to hold onto you... hold onto the person I love. People don't remain the same their whole lives. At some point, through deception or adversity, a person settles down. Then they seek only a trustworthy hand, someone who truly values them.
After a certain point, people understand that to live, you don't need all the people in the world—just a few kindred souls will do. The more people in one's life, the more sorrowful one becomes.
7. Don't get married before landing a good job—whatever else you do, don't make that mistake.
By the way, do you know when to use "kar," "koro," or "koro"?
8. Learn to forget someone before they forget you. Not shaking off emotions for the wrong person sucks.
9. Not happy, not unhappy either; just tired.
10. Those who leave just keep on leaving...
11. Talking on the phone with strangers or acquaintances without reason is one of my least favorite activities. The more people I get to know, the more obligations pile up. The obligation to answer calls, the obligation to call back if you miss them...
12. Why do people want to become immortal after death? What comes of that immortality that you can't see with your own eyes? Not after death... before death or never.
13. Creator and Creator share no divide—the division lies between human and human!

Books may battle books, but not heart against heart!
14. Your beliefs or disbeliefs neither annoy nor worry me. I never have headaches over such matters. To chase after someone requires endless leisure and that kind of mentality—I possess neither. But when you come hovering around me uninvited and repeatedly try to impose your beliefs or disbeliefs on me, then I get thoroughly irritated. Such pushy evangelism is always distasteful. And when will you understand that common sense is far more important than knowledge!
15. Perhaps even God cannot bear a life of too much happiness.
16. Even crows won't eat a beggar's rice.
17. The initiation mantra of November 2nd is this for me: We don't get what we want. We only get what we need.
18. When there's no money in hand, even love feels cheap.
Not everyone is loveless—some are just poor.
19. When someone gets something truly precious for absolutely nothing—something they don't even deserve... they'll never understand its worth.
A hundred mistakes can be forgiven... but humiliation?... No, no, no!
I can't take this humiliation of myself anymore...
I feel disgusted with myself... I'm irritated with my own self... I know I created the opportunity myself... yet these humiliations aren't something I can accept.
20. I couldn't stay with you,

yet I couldn't turn away from you either.
Thought: Nine Hundred Forty-One

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1. The night is still young!

JUST just rocks!!

Music welcomes night on grass...

Love you, brothers!! You're awesome!!
2. Bangabandhu Career Club and the Journalists' Association together absolutely killed it today!! Their sincerity and the teachers' cooperation—these two coming together made today's program absolutely spectacular!! The entire program ran for nearly nine hours!! I'm amazed by the audience's patience!!

Just is just awesome!!

How did you like today's career chat?
3. I was enchanted talking with the Honorable Vice-Chancellor of Jashore University of Science and Technology, Professor Dr. Md. Anwar Hossain Sir. Zahid Sir and Galib Sir are wonderfully friendly people.
I'm tremendously happy to attend today's career chat organized jointly by the Career Club and Journalists' Association. The sincerity of the club members is remarkable!
The Central Gallery is packed to capacity! As the Vice-Chancellor said, "I've never seen such a gathering of students together in this gallery before."
It feels good to see everyone.
4. I didn't love you... I held you within myself...
5. I'm afraid... it's hard to accept some people's misunderstandings...
6. Selfishness may have some limit to shamelessness, but in selflessness, shamelessness becomes infinite. This is why one-sided selfless love causes people such intense pain.
7. A classmate from my school—someone I hardly knew during school days—suddenly knocked on WhatsApp one day and started checking up on me. Though I couldn't recognize him at first, I later somewhat remembered, or rather, he forcibly made me remember him. His claim: we were close friends.
When classmates become established, many people turn them into close friends, and I've seen many claim even unknown established people as their friends; but when someone fails to become established, forget friends or classmates—they don't even want to acknowledge being acquainted. For them, this is quite natural. My suspicious mind had assumed something similar was happening. Still, I thought, let it be—he's a school classmate, just doing some small talk, nothing more than that!
Within a day or two, his conversation started seeming somewhat suspicious. When a girl falls in love with a boy, the kind of conversation she has or wants to have—his texts began resembling that. I noticed some sort of emotional conversation desires in him! Such boy-to-boy chatter isn't pleasant for me.
I have no headache or objection regarding homosexuality, but since I feel not the slightest interest or attraction toward any man, I become extremely irritated when a man says to me things like "I love you!", "I really want to talk with you," "I miss you terribly," "Sometimes I see you in my dreams...," "I really want to meet you!", "It would be wonderful if I could spend some time with you," and so forth.
He asked for my personal number many, many times. Again and again I told him that the number given on my page was my personal number. You're already talking on the right number! Let me mention that I have two SIMs in my mobile—one for the page, another for personal and official use. The calls or texts that come to the page number on WhatsApp or phone, I can easily ignore those or respond whenever I feel like it. Since the other number is official, whatever calls or texts come there, I must respond. Work comes first, after all!
You never know when you become a gay! Whether my former classmate was gay, bi, or straight—though I had no headache about that—I was becoming extremely annoyed watching him try such excessive intimacy with me. Still, I didn't let him understand this, because after all, he was my schoolmate. He called many times on my Banglalink number's WhatsApp but couldn't reach me at all. I stay terribly busy as it is, and on top of that, I have no desire whatsoever to chat aimlessly with a near-stranger. So I would silently see his calls and ignore them. Only one fear worked in me... what if he suddenly asked permission to rape me?!
This evening he knocked. As usual, he began sending quite emotional texts. Again and again he tried to make me understand that he wanted to meet me, that he had so much to talk about with me, that he missed me a lot, that sitting with me was very important for him, that he wanted to talk with me on the phone for a long time... all this. I didn't reply. About an hour later he texted again. His text had a tone of hurt feelings... Sushanta, are you really so busy? Won't you talk with me at all? When will you come to Chittagong?
This time I replied: What do you want to discuss? Why do you keep sending texts?

Then the real matter came out. He wanted quite a bit of money from me. He needed money for various things, apparently. He wasn't giving everyone this opportunity. I was getting the great chance to help him as his 'close friend'!

I told him straight out: Sorry, I can't.

Then he asked: Can't means what? Are you really Sushanta? Or are you someone fake?
These last two questions are very familiar to me. When someone fails to accomplish their scheme, I get this question from them. Money and time—what is more precious than these two in this world? Why would I give money or time to some random person for absolutely no reason? People simply don't try to understand this simple matter! Or even understanding it, they can't figure out a way due to lack of brains.
My dear friend! You wanted my body, you asked for money. I had misunderstood you. Please forgive me!
8. The heart is quite precious. Learn to take care of it. Don't forgive just anyone on a whim—especially someone who doesn't know how to earn forgiveness. What's the point of mixing with those who aren't worthy of being forgiven? It hurts the heart, breaks it again and again; destroys faith in oneself. So don't place yourself among people whose company dampens your spirit, whom you must forgive repeatedly for no reason at all. Perhaps you can tolerate others' mistakes, but the time spent tolerating has its own price. The more you mingle with those who don't know how to value your time, the more you'll be hurt.
9. Meeting you once is missing you forever!
I wish I'd known this before meeting you!
Reflections: Nine hundred and forty-two

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1. How many days it's been since I wore glass bangles! I have a drawer full of glass bangles in every color... locked away for who knows how long! My son often opens the lock, takes out bangles from the drawer and says, "Ma, wear them, put some on me too." I take the bangles from his hands and lock them away again.
Today I wore them. After putting them on, I felt such a strong urge to go to Shahbag. To walk down that path to the book fair and buy many, many more glass bangles! How lovingly those aunties sitting by the roadside would put bangles on us! Oh my! I used to sit with them and wear bangles, necklaces, anklets of every color. Those days float before my eyes... wearing bangles of mismatched colors, I wandered through the book fair, TSC, Nilkhet, Palashi, Eden College; bought books, ate fuchka, ate jhalmuri... and countless other street foods I can't even count!
The university areas were always spawning new street foods. The vendors would compete with their experiments! Ha ha ha... the most popular was raw banana bharta. There was this one vendor in front of Kala Bhavan, oh... if I didn't eat his bharta, my whole day felt wasted! He'd mix raw banana with tamarind, coriander leaves, green chilies, kasundi, salt, sugar, and who knows what else! Ah, just talking about it makes my mouth water...
I miss those bangle-selling aunties the most. No one in this life has ever put bangles on me with such care again!
2. : Do you know for how many days we've not met?

: I don't count, I just wait.
3. I miss you a lot.

But I don't want you anymore.

You're loved and prayed for... just know it.

That's all.
4. I was thinking one day... you and I... in Calcutta's old buildings... large hanging balconies... the scent of incense... just like Rabindranath's heroines... fresh flowers in vases changed every morning... fresh tuberose... your favorite tune on my piano... lying down and listening to you read...
I have lived in you for so long... am living... in my mind and youth...
It's not that I desperately want to touch you... I feel that if you were here before me, just touching you would make a whole lifetime pass blissfully...
Everyone is crazy to see you... I had the chance but never went to see you... In fact, even thinking of meeting you frightens me... what if the fondness diminishes... why risk it! This feeling is so heavenly!
You know, in all these years I've never given a single like, love react, or comment on any of your posts... I've always felt that my place, whatever else it might be, is not in your comment box...
5. Your mind may need a mate.

Your body may need a mate.

But your soul never needs a mate. Soul is always a lone traveller.

Once you learn to live with your soul, you will never feel lonely again.
6. In this life, you cannot compromise on your career even by an inch. At the end of the day, only this remains truly yours...
7. Life never forgives certain mistakes... never at all!
8. There's truly no point in marrying an incompetent man. Having such a husband is the same as having none at all. Marriage feels good in the beginning. Gradually, as harsh reality crushes you, your back gets pressed against the wall. You can neither speak of this condition to anyone nor bear it. Certainly, life cannot run on emotions alone. With a man who cannot take responsibility, you can at best pass time, but you cannot spend a lifetime.
9. Everyone seems to be piercing needles all over my body! The agony keeps mounting... this life, whose face appears like some incurable disease—is there any meaning in carrying it forward? In this entire world, I couldn't find even one friend with whom I could speak my heart out, embrace and cry till I feel lighter. In everyone's eyes I see only questions, suspicion, deceit. Is life then like that flower whose lifespan lasts only until the light fades? Why does that darkness descend upon life—the darkness I still haven't learned to live with?
10. Never give someone who wants to leave you the chance to stay, nor should you try to create such opportunities yourself. The person who neither wants to completely let you go nor fully embrace you actually wants to play with you. The more you let yourself become a cheap plaything, the more you'll lose your self-respect. If losing them could somehow mean getting them back, then perhaps it would be worth it! But... no, in the end you won't get them back, some time will be wasted in between, some pointless emotions will torment you, some tears will keep you company. The sooner you exit (even forcibly) from a relationship that offers nothing but sorrow, the quicker you'll be freed from agony. Do whatever needs to be done for this freedom... without harming anyone... without caring for any rules or conventions!
There's no such thing as an 'irreplaceable person' in this world. If there were, then mothers couldn't survive witnessing their children's death before their very eyes.
11. If you want to hear a lullaby, you have to stay awake. Once you fall asleep, does anyone still sing you a lullaby?
12. Why do even those friends start this comparative accounting when we meet—what I have or don't have, what they have or don't have—those with whom friendships were formed in times when we didn't even understand what it meant to have something or not have something!
Thought: Nine Hundred and Forty-Three

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1. The most powerful sentence I've ever learnt in my life:
Leave and move on.
: What to leave?

: The people, places and incidents that destroy our inner peace.
: From where to move on?

: The people, places and incidents that destroy our inner peace.
: Where to move on?

: The people, places and incidents that give us inner peace.
Leave to live. Only peace matters. Peace is greater than all the memories. Simple!
2. But does there come a time when even old friends begin to look at you with comparative eyes instead of sincerity, and start speaking with constant jabs without the slightest provocation?
3. When you try to give or help someone receive honor they don't deserve, sometimes you end up dishonoring yourself.
Those who don't know how to accept honor don't see it as anything separate or special—it's just ordinary behavior to them.
4. : You hardly get time to read books. Then why do you spend so much on them?

: I spend my own money on my own books, don't I? If I were to spend it on someone else's wife instead, would that look better?
5. Happy Bijoya!
Come, let us walk in search of that victory whose crown, once worn, makes it very difficult to become untouchable! Known not by words, but by deeds!
6. I don't teach, yet I received countless Teachers' Day wishes! Haven't received too little in one lifetime!
"Though I am unworthy and lowly, You have not given me any less!"
7. Solitude, a little bit of solitude is needed...! Solitude itself is peace!
8. Never request without a reason.
9. Songs of Durga Puja! Ah, it's like returning to childhood in the gentlest of moods! When such songs play within earshot, how wonderful it feels...! It seems as if suddenly a sweet breeze of joy is flowing through heart-mind-feeling-thought! The melodies feel so very intimate! Yes, memories don't only bring pain!
If you like any puja songs, you can share them in the comments of this post. I'm doing the same.
10. Your belief is yours, my belief is mine.

Your disbelief is yours, my disbelief is mine.

Speaking or acting in ways that belittle others' beliefs or disbeliefs based on one's own beliefs or disbeliefs is surely a mark of utter foolishness.

Everyone has the right to believe or disbelieve, but only those who have mere belief or disbelief but no brain left can become intolerant because of it.
Let religion remain in heart and action, not on lips or in muscles. The house where you didn't grow up also has its beauty; cultivate a mind to appreciate it. If you can't, then silently immerse yourself in the beauty of your own house. Let the practice and living of religion be spiritual, not verbal.
11. 'Durga', not 'Doorga'.

'Puja', not 'Pooja'.

'Pujo', not 'Poojo'.

'Durgapuja', not 'Durga Puja'.

'Durgotsab', not 'Durga Utsab' or 'Durga-Utsab'.
May everyone's pujo pass well.
If you wish, you can read the two-part essay "From Durgapuja to Durgotsab" from my website/app. I've tried to write about how the transformation of Durga Puja from worship to festival took place.
12. I believe it's more important to be an educated devotee or simply educated than to be religious.

Here I've used 'educated' to mean 'truly/practically educated'.
13. People...

complain when you don't help,

and hurt you when you do help.
14. I need a house of peace.

I'm even willing to rent the house!

...Will it work?
15. Congratulations, dear people! I place my cap of pride at your feet.
Confidence. Smartness. Strength... Girl, you too learn these three from them!
16. After the adda, I went to Shahzadpur cloth market. This is the country's largest cloth market. I saw so much cloth being sold together for the first time in my life. Sarees, lungis, gamchhas, orhnas... what isn't here! I was truly enchanted seeing it! A completely different kind of experience!
17. Forgetting the urban crowd,

I run to the banks of Yamuna.
I'm coming to Sirajganj for the first time tomorrow to speak at a career session organized by the Rabindra University Career Club.
Now, what are the good places to see and eat around China Dam? Which tea stall serves the best tea?
18. I'm going to have salep yogurt drink. Which shop serves the best?
19. However much we gain for being trustworthy, we pay far more for being untrustworthy.
20. Maybe you are a nice person, but if you are not nice to me, you are not a nice person.

Maybe you are not a nice person, but if you are nice to me, you are a nice person.

That's all.
21. You have a heart within you. Learn to feel with it.

You have a sun within you. Learn to spread light from it.

You have love within you. Learn to keep yourself well by touching it.

You have an ocean within you. Learn to awaken it and roar.

You have silence within you. Learn to break it when necessary.

You'll feel afraid while doing these things. Quite natural. Those who have managed to do them were also afraid. The first step toward doing anything new is: being afraid. And the next step is: not stopping anyway.
22. Some things will inevitably be lost along the way—both material and immaterial. Life becomes very difficult if we cannot accept this truth with ease.
23. Solvency matters. Even the moon shines more in the window of a solvent person's home.
24. I often feel that our identities are essentially two: either privileged or underprivileged. The other identities are imposed, contrived, or assumed through long practice.
Those who are underprivileged pursue the privileged, dislike them. Though many other issues might appear to be the 'cause' on the surface, the real reason here is: a kind of latent anger or hatred that the underprivileged harbor toward the privileged.
When an underprivileged person begins to enjoy privileges, their sense of right and wrong also gradually changes with the demands of time.
25. Whatever the matter may be, never take responsibility for anyone's desires...no matter who the person is. If you do, you'll suffer or be embarrassed.
Thought: Nine-Forty-Four

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1. I'm feeding my son rice. He won't take it in his mouth at all. He's whining. Seeing that I've forcefully put food in his mouth, he says with a tearful expression, "Ma, I don't love you."
Me: I'll be happy if you eat rice and fill your stomach, dear. No need for love right now.

My father-in-law: Keep your love to yourself, son; tie it to your head.

Son: "No... I won't keep it on my head!" and starts crying again.
2. The teacher from my son's school told me to speak in English with the child at home. This way the child will be able to learn good English.
Me: Dear, from now on we'll speak in English, okay?

Son: Ma, what does English mean?
3. I hate everyone, right now!
4. : Don't you have anything else to do besides injuring yourself?

: I ask this question to the Creator sometimes.
5. I told you to stay here,

and you went and stayed in the whole world!
6. Look at the moon, look at the silver jewelry-like cloud fragments,

look at the sky floating in moonlight...

How terrible! How terrible!!
7. Twilight truly is heavenly!

The moment when the moon emerges from the sun's belly!

I sit on the roof watching the sky, talking with you.

Some soft breeze comes and touches my cheek every now and then...

I feel they've understood everything...
8. The power has gone out. My son and I sit on the balcony eating ice cream. His is a yogurt cup ice cream and mine is a regular choco bar. After a while...
He says, "Ma, I completely forgot to share mine with you! Here, have some of mine. Eat, eat, Ma...!"

I said: Thank you, darling. You eat it. No need to share today.

He says: No no, you must have some!
So I ate a little. Then he says: Now give me a bit of yours.

As soon as he says this, he stands there with his mouth open, waiting to eat my choco bar.
I look up at the sky and see bright white clouds drifting by. Ah, who knows if on such a night again I might sit on this balcony lost in these very memories, with the gentle breeze flowing just like this...
9. Sometimes I don't understand why it's so hard to live without you. I feel like crying so much. Is it wrong then, to come close?
I ask my mind, is it merely physical desire? If that were so, why couldn't I answer anyone's call in these past three years? Why did I remain in a marriage in name only for five whole years, just like that!
Why must our relationship be like this? All the rules of the world are flawed, irritating, awful, hypocritical, worthless, torturous!
I think I'm really going mad again...
10. Do you know what I think when you have a fever? If I were beside you, I would sit by your head and read you Jibanananda's poetry, make you lemon tea; it would feel good to sit in the open air on the balcony and have it. Keeping the spirit up during illness is most essential for the body to heal.
11. The western window is open at eye level, and I was frightened the moment I looked out at the sky. From within the clouds, a yellow-black moon glared with burning eyes for a few moments! I couldn't even tell it was the moon. It looked so ghostly!! Just as I realized, it was covered by clouds.
Even though my eyes are heavy with sleep, once sleep breaks I can't easily fall asleep again. I feel like if I could just hold you close, I could sleep! Being able to fall asleep unconsciously from exhaustion is such great fortune!
12. Outside today there's a strange wind!

Gentle...

Sudden...

Scattered...

Cold...

The banana leaves outside are dancing as if they might just touch the moon...
13. I sit on the balcony at this time with my arms and legs stretched out, sometimes I lie down. I listen to music, drink tea, watch the sky, make love with you. I receive kisses from the cold breeze, and from mosquitoes too. Planes cross the sky one after another, I can sense the interval of time, exactly when the next plane will come. I spend time like this until nine-thirty.
This time is extremely dear to me!
14. Most of the time when we're supposed to meet, the sky will break open with rain, and I'll catch cold.

The city of Dhaka, covered with flame trees, has caught fire! And this time even the month of Jyaistha has rain that has turned this fire completely into Phagun! Oh my...!!

Truly... when I come via the Banani flyover, looking at the tops of the flame trees, I feel like going and sitting inside them.
15. Knowing how to keep love alive is also an art. Alas! I couldn't give all this love to anyone!

I love you... Your memories make me smile in silence…

I work and smile. What everyone thinks, God knows! Ha ha ha...
16. I made a little love at night, and immediately Shravan went and told the sky everything! Shravan and the sky together have started such weeping!! I'm watching and swallowing their cold tears, and feeling you... whenever we two come close, it's monsoon!
17. Ah, how easy it is to make us dance!
We have no end to our enthusiasm over what Argentina's coach 'lovingly' told us or didn't tell us! We sit with mouths agape, waiting to be acknowledged by some foreigner. And they make us dance at every opportunity... Our sense of self-respect struck twelve long ago. Do you know why people keep dogs? Because the dog is the only creature that loves its master's life more than its own. The dog has nothing to celebrate about this.
Meanwhile, a Bangladeshi journalist kept persistently pressuring Brazil's coach to say something about Bangladesh. Dressed up like a clown, jumping in front of someone, telling them... smile, won't you smile a little... how does it look! A royal pudding of dignity! Under such pressure, Brazil's coach somehow managed to say or attempt something like "Hi Bangladesh" before fleeing for his life! The gentleman's irritation-tinged smile was a kind of contempt toward us, though such things don't even register with us! We are the kind of people who pester others, with an unquestionable ability to annoy complete strangers by imposing ourselves upon them. Until we're physically thrown out, we simply don't realize we're behaving in a way that warrants being thrown out! Where does this expectation come from toward someone who doesn't even know me... no matter how much I may love them!
Where does this forced attempt at gaining attention, and the subsequent celebration whether we get it or not, actually take us? What does such a beggar-like mentality prove about us? Lover? Or shameless? We watch games for our own enjoyment, support our favorite teams. Must we forcibly extract their attention or acknowledgment for this? Isn't it enough that we're entertained by watching the game?
The media has always capitalized on and profited from our pettiness. Of course they will, it's only natural. They'll create news in whatever way makes people dance. Positively or negatively, feeding news in some way is what matters.
Argentina's coach acknowledged Bangladesh—one group's joy knows no bounds!

Brazil's coach didn't acknowledge Bangladesh—another group's sorrow knows no bounds!

And these two groups are attacking each other, vomiting their emotions equally!

Do we truly have no sense of shame? Will we never mature in our thinking?
We eat rice, so when beloved Messi-Neymar eats rice once, our beloved rice achieves greatness! I mean, seriously?!
P.S. I love you so, so much, and you don't even know my name?!

Oh my dear, even if it's a lie, won't you tell me... I love you too!!
Pure vulgar melodrama!!!
Reflection: Nine- Show Forty-five

………………………………………………………
1. I'll be speaking about what should and shouldn't be done while preparing for BCS exams at Kazi Nazrul Islam University campus this coming Saturday.
The program begins at 9:30 AM.
This career discussion is open to all.
(Whatever you want to know about BCS, you can write your questions on paper and bring them. I'll try to provide answers.)
2. Tridib Dastidar's poetry contains the line: "Then I will love you and love you... until I'm ruined."
It's a familiar line, many people use it. No problem using it in posts. But if someone writes this to you, then... careful, be warned!
This isn't love, this is downright truth-telling!
Writing and sending this means, I'm a fool, come into my line and you become a fool too... Please, my darling! I can't stand being alone anymore. When you come, then two children of beggars will dance together with wild abandon. Both of us with bowls in hand, international begging songs on our lips... "For Allah's sake, give us some alms, mother"... What fun... What fun!
The rich never want to increase their group, only the poor drag and pull everyone to make their ranks heavy. So whenever someone tries to pull me into their group, my innocent heart automatically cries out... Hi there, fellow pauper baby!
When you're about to cry with emotion, always remember to hold back your runny nose; whatever you may say with your mouth, when it's time to wipe it, you'll see there's no one beside you—you have to wipe it yourself, or you have to stick your tongue out and lick it clean while showing everyone.
In this life... you don't need someone to wipe away tears, you need someone to wipe away the snot from your nose. If you find someone to wipe your tears, hold their hand and walk; if you find someone to wipe your snot, rest your head on their chest and let your snot drip there to your heart's content! Then... the two of you can lick away together happily... I mean... the snot...
If your beloved says, "Oh darling, don't worry... I'll wipe away all your tears!"... immediately ask them, "...then which father of yours will come to wipe my nose?" Please don't misunderstand me. If you don't ask right now and get the name and address, later you'll find yourself running around frantically looking for that father! So it's better to confirm beforehand.
By the way, have you heard Sanjib-Bappa's 'International Begging Song'?
3. Showing proper responsibility is the first sign of love. Irresponsible people can never be good lovers. Where there is love, there must exist responsibility. Love means nothing without responsibility.
If you plan to be with an irresponsible person, you actually plan to suffer.
4. Some love languages for me:
Cooking for her and dishwashing after the meal,

Feeding her carefully with my hand,

Doing the little things that make her feel happy and comfortable even if I don't like them,

Remembering every single thing she needs and will need,

Watching her favourite movies or listening to her favourite music with her (usually I watch movies and listen to music alone),

Giving and sharing the things I like with her,

Reciting my poems for her,

Singing and dancing with her,

Asking for her opinions about the writing I'm going to post,

Sharing my sadness about things and people (which I never do) with her,

Telling her what I think about life over coffee or tea or soup without the least hesitation,

Inspiring her not to overthink about anything to keep things simple,

Creating moments with her expecting absolutely nothing,

Making her my best friend from whom I don't need to hide anything on earth...
... and some more.
You can share yours.
5. There are some people in this world who cannot disappear, no matter how desperately they wish to. Whether they exist or not troubles no one. Society feels uncomfortable acknowledging their existence, yet feels an even greater discomfort denying it. Their lingering presence is pleasant only to feel, for along this slippery slope of feeling, people sometimes climb quite high.
They never get lost. For they have no existence at all! And precisely because they don't exist, even when they vanish from sight, no one notices, and even if someone does, no one feels compelled to search for them. How can someone be lost when no one wants to find them?
6. There come times in life when a person pushes away what is near and seeks peace in what is distant. Then they have neither the near thing nor the far thing, nor do they find peace. At precisely such moments, a person drowns completely in emptiness. The dim light they see just before drowning—before they can reach out to touch it, all strength is exhausted... they can no longer extend their hand, and like a stone, they simply sink.
What love? What romance? What bonds? What values? What pull of the past?

... Peace, yes, peace is what stops a person; and again, this very peace is what makes them run.
7. I love winter, but if winter gives me pain, I stop loving winter and start thinking about another season.

I love you, but if you give me pain, I stop loving you and start thinking about another girl.

When comfort is away, my love is away. It's what I'm.
8. While forcibly restraining myself, waiting for that old you to return, at some point I lost that old me somewhere. Today I understand that people can never be changed; rather, trying to change them brings devastating hurt. People learn to act and to hide, but they don't change.
9. What a person cannot obtain even through prayer becomes their lifelong prayer.
How few people can live with such good fortune that their prayer and their place of prayer are one and the same!
May there be such a person in life to whom one desperately wants to say, "Can't we return?"... yet can never bring oneself to say it.
Emptiness is the oxygen of prayer.
10. Anjoli's husband: How tiresome it is, this business of repeatedly soothing Anjoli's hurt feelings—if only you could see!

Anjoli's ex: How agonizing it is, this truth of having lost forever the right to soothe Anjoli's hurt feelings—if only you could understand!
11. Some people pass their time strangling to death, in pride, the desire to reply,

While others pass their time keeping alive, in shamelessness, the desire to receive a reply.
12. A beautiful balcony can heal a person.
We have only rooms, no beautiful balcony. In those rooms we have only space, no place to sit.
We return only to the wrong rooms.

We must live in the wrong rooms.

Searching for the right room, we sometimes lose life itself.
13. Why did I have to fall in love with you? Life would have passed just fine without falling in love with you!
14. If you plan to watch only one movie in 2023, watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
If you plan to get married, before doing that watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
If you plan to die, before dying just watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
If you want to settle down with someone, before deciding that watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
If you are off to fantasizing about love at first sight, you better consider watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
Then decide.
Your life is more important than everything else. Your parents, your job, your friends, your everything... are secondary. You never need to take anything for granted.
Just watched it, though have been planning to watch it for the last 7-8 years. I regret not watching it before dot dot dot. Trust me, this movie is one of the best wines I've ever consumed. A pure food for my soul!! Even Blue Level fails, dude!! (Don't tell me to post the photo! Ha ha ha)
I wish I watched it long before. But you know, better late than never.
Watch it, feel it, kiss it. Thank me later.
Maybe I'm talking much, but trust me, it's worth it!!!
15. Sometimes, not asking... Why are you feeling sad?... is the best way to remove sadness from your friend. Just stay beside them silently, let them be with their sadness, the rest will follow. Trust me, it's a magic. You do everything by doing nothing for your friend. Trust me, just your silent company works.
16. Sometimes, you need a place where you can do whatever you want to do, provided that no one around notices or judges you... to mend yourself.
17. Sometimes, alcohol and Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara together make you feel much better than your possessive girlfriend.
You can try it!!!