The ones closest to us are never close

Hey you! So clever! Now all these little tricks and wiles
I can catch in a flash!
When you see I'm truly angry, when resentment breaks its banks
then you come, all embracing, saying sweetly...
"Baby, darling, I love you so! Sorry sorry!"
Then I think, enough of this, let me melt away my anger!
Truly, no one else keeps their wits about them like you do!
When you say sorry like that, where can I hold onto hurt and pride!
 
One day I'll sit face to face with you, close,
I'll go very near your lips, I'll want to know — did you ever truly come into my heart?
Did you ever truly touch me? Or was all that just pretense for touching bodies?
Your scent that intoxicates me, beckons me closer all day long,
was that really you? Or was there someone else inside you?
All this endless talk of mine... love and more love,
does it tire you? Do you get annoyed?
You write so many love poems — does it ever cross your mind... maybe I should stop now?
Does it ever occur to you... enough of this love... love — hasn't it gone stale?
Why not let something else happen for once!
If such thoughts ever come to mind, don't hesitate, just say it!
 
Today I'm in such trouble... the power's been out at home since morning... wifi's down too,
my phone's dead... outside there's a terrible storm, with rain!
I want to talk to you, to text you... there's just no way!
Today I'm in such a mess... today I'm so helpless!
Go on... this time it's not love I'm giving you, but trouble... let's see you deal with it!
 
They're all so lucky, you know... those who get to have you near their eyes all the time!
Your family, your household help... I won't even mention them,
even the man who drives your car... he gets to see you twice every day!
Yet look, in all the world there's just one person — me — who keeps crying to see you,
weeks end, months pass... another month arrives... still you don't come...
Then how I feel... one pillow knows, and God knows!
 
You call me crazy, tell me this —
if I hadn't become crazy, how would I have won you then?
Truly, I'm very happy with the little I get...
However much of you I've made my own, to me that's everything!
Will you ever dedicate one whole afternoon to my name?
How much more waiting before this waiting is fulfilled?
So many days have passed... I don't see you...
Is this your vow... that you'll never see me again,
won't touch me even by mistake,
won't let me hear your voice... ever again?
This way you keep me so far away — what happiness is there in that?
Why not just do whatever you want with me...
don't even give me two harsh words to hear... hurt me if you feel like it,
but at least talk a little, meet me!
 
I too long so much to know...
how you are, where you are, whether they're taking care of you, whether your health is good...
The desire to know these things does arise... doesn't it?
There's so much more to know... that desire I'll just set aside!
You understand me through letters... when I want to understand you, where do I go?
This mute love... when it hurts, when I cry terribly... there's no one to understand!
 
Listen, do you think I'm a chatterbox?
Think it if you want! If I don't tell you, who else would I tell?
Everyone else has everything, I only have you!
Once I used to think, you know?
When they scolded terribly, misunderstood me, hurt me...
Looking at them I wanted to shout out loud...
You're scolding me so much...
the day someone loves me, that day you'll all get a hundred and one scoldings in return!
 
How truly foolish I was!
Today... I found someone to love,
I even got a little love,
I just didn't get the person close by!
I didn't have the fortune to see them whenever I wished,
the person stayed far away... we don't meet, we don't talk,
yet I think, what I've received, isn't that enough?
They read me every day... see me with the mind's eye... understand me...
 
Sometimes I dream you've come near my house and called...
"Here, come down quickly! I just came to see you!"
...Ah, such things only happen in dreams!
They say love fulfills... if I don't have you, what fulfillment is mine?
They say people become beautiful when they fall in love!
If you don't touch me, then such beauty will only increase sin!